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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad at DH who swore in front of DD and threw up in sink after wine drinking sesh?

63 replies

Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:31

We had a couple of people around for Sunday lunch yesterday, I did all the work and tidying afterwards (depsite 25 wks pg), plus looked after my DD during the festivities. DH got onto wine with other mate, they drank five bottles between them. She was well behaved and in control. He ended up shouting the 'MF' phrase out in front of my DD (3.5) because he couldn't open a bottle of water, fell off the sofa like a sack of spuds and then threw up in my spotlessly clean sink depite the toilet being a foot away.

We're in our 30's and he's no self control when it comes to socialising and drinking. He can't wait to revert to his partying days at any opportunity, has no idea of his limits or how to stay within them and frankly needs to sodding well GROW UP!. Any tips on taming the oldest discrace in town?

OP posts:

dal21 · 04/02/2008 16:44

motheroftwoboys - as a daughter of an alcoholic, I can assure you that behaviour like this can justify a visit to al anon. You do not have to drink every day to have an alcohol problem.

Whether the OP's DH has this problem, I wouldn't know and wouldnt like to comment based on the info that has been put on here.

theboob · 04/02/2008 16:46

i know you dont have to drink in the morning to qualify for aa,the way you see and hear about peoples experiences with alcohol problems ,they need to drink to get through each day ,when i drink i binge drink i dont go out very oftern but i would not seek help from the AA because of this,but i guess you learn something new every day

PortAndLemon · 04/02/2008 16:55

motheroftwoboys if Spaceman's DH can't have wine without drinking two and a half bottles of it, in spite of all his protestations when sober, then he does sound powerless over alcohol. Isn't that why recovering alcoholics often won't drink at all because they know that once they have that first drink they lose the ability to say "no" to subsequent drinks?

Original poster

Spaceman · 04/02/2008 17:21

Maybe it's a good time to mention that DH does also drink in the week and will happily finish off a bottle of wine if 'it's there'. On other nights he may have odd beers here and there on top, of which I take no notice. His saving grace is that he will go a few night's on the trot without it.

I do think it's a problem just like PortandLemon says. There's NO enjoyment/contentment to drinking after, say, three glasses of wine coz you can't taste it anymore for a start and you're well on your way to loosing your sense of judging how you're truely feeling.

The problem is that it's almost the norm to drink to excess in this country so it takes the edge of any argument I have if he reverts to the 'everyone we know gets pissed' argument.

OP posts:

theboob · 04/02/2008 17:26

well maybe he does have a problem then ,and you have to decide how best to deal with it before your new baby arrives and everything gets out of hand

Jackstini · 04/02/2008 19:15

Maybe he needs to get to know some new people then. Does it not worry him that he can't seem to socialise without alcohol?
And he is wrong anyway - you don't get pissed all the time and he spends time with you...

lacarte · 04/02/2008 19:20

oh have been here many times ... I don't know what the solution is, I got very upset last time and it hasn't happened since ... yet ... good luck

colditz · 04/02/2008 19:23

Video it, and play it back to him a few days later.

Finish the experience with

"This is what you exposed your little girl to last night. This is what you are teaching her to look for in a husband."

tori32 · 05/02/2008 13:41

spaceman I do agree that acting like that on a Sunday afternoon is OTT and should be reserved for the pub on a Fri/Sat night tbo. I know I made light of it before but can tell its upset you. I also got into bad drinking habits in my early twenties during a bad divorce and like you decided that enough was enough. It took a lot of people telling me before I stopped though.

MrsTittleMouse · 05/02/2008 15:23

Completely agree with colditz.

CountessDracula · 05/02/2008 15:27

2.5 BOTTLES?
am at whoever said that is not a lot!

Well if he is doing this regularly then YES it is a problem. Why does he want to get so drunk that he vomits? That is horrible

I agree, video him and play it back pref when he is hung over.

Jackstini · 06/02/2008 13:43

So how many units would you say he is drinking in a week?
Start a countdown on a Monday and get him to agree to stop when he reaches 21.
I think he will be shocked at how quickly he gets there.....

Original poster

Spaceman · 07/02/2008 11:30

Hey all,

Thanks to you all for your messages. I'm glad to see that you think I am not being unreasonable, so I gave him a good talking to when he got home from work on Monday. He was fully expecting it and really ate humble pie. I think he was pretty embarrassed and agreed that he had to change so I suppose I have to give him the chance to prove himself!

He says it's because he expects to be able to drink whatever he wants like he did in his 20's, and is finding it hard to get used to the fact he's too old to hold the same amounts nowadays.

We're off to another 'do' on Sunday so we'll see how he gets on. I've also brought up my concerns about how he's planning to behave at a wedding we're going to after the baby is born and he said we'll work out a plan.

Thanks again, it was GREAT to have your feedback, and Tori32: I was not at all offended by your comments. Just pleased you took the time to join in!!

LOL Spaceman xx

OP posts:

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