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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at DH who swore in front of DD and threw up in sink after wine drinking sesh?

63 replies

Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:31

We had a couple of people around for Sunday lunch yesterday, I did all the work and tidying afterwards (depsite 25 wks pg), plus looked after my DD during the festivities. DH got onto wine with other mate, they drank five bottles between them. She was well behaved and in control. He ended up shouting the 'MF' phrase out in front of my DD (3.5) because he couldn't open a bottle of water, fell off the sofa like a sack of spuds and then threw up in my spotlessly clean sink depite the toilet being a foot away.

We're in our 30's and he's no self control when it comes to socialising and drinking. He can't wait to revert to his partying days at any opportunity, has no idea of his limits or how to stay within them and frankly needs to sodding well GROW UP!. Any tips on taming the oldest discrace in town?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 04/02/2008 14:23

Sorry if that came out harsh, but what I mean to say is, if he cant control himself on something as innocent and potentially nice till he goes and ruins it by this unclassy behaviour, then stop! Tell him you wont do it if he cant behave!

pol27 · 04/02/2008 14:23

For me, it gets to the point when I actually am questioning whether I am being unreasonable. I know i'm not but DP makes me feel like I'm a miserable old f-er

Def sounds like he needs an ulitmatum, no point you giving him 'the sign' when he's had a few. It doesn't work. And it can't carry on when you have a new bubba.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:24

Port up the nose hurts, that's what and only a show off fool would do it

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 04/02/2008 14:25

how do you know it hurts?

padboz · 04/02/2008 14:25

Worried that he did that in front of your DD. Has she mentioned it? Does she notice when he's being a tit? I wouldn't draw her attention to it if it went over her head, but if she has been upset by it maybe you should get her to tell Daddy how she felt. If he wants to behave like a 3 year old maybe he needs some peer pressure.

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:26

sorry it came out wrong i ment my dh making up for lost time,i hate to say this but maybe for your dh a mid life crisis at thought of getting older and having to slow down

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:27

POL27; I agree with you, it's so easy to make someone feel in the wrong when they're trying to take the moral high ground, by saying they're boring etc. Everyone sides with the joker, I feel, and when I look around at my friends a lot of their DH's or DP's are doing the same so you end up wondering if you're being a complete sad bag.

OP posts:
padboz · 04/02/2008 14:27

your mate doesn't sound like she was backing you up either....

Jackstini · 04/02/2008 14:27

Don't have 5 bottles of wine in the house....

tori32 · 04/02/2008 14:29

TBH he sounds like someone who just can't handle the drink! 2.5 bottles of wine is not a fenominal amount of wine for a man IMO. Maybe he would get better with more practice .

The swearing infront of dd was out of order though.

I would record him, however, just remember that there have probably been times where you have been drunk together and both thought you were having a fantastic time IYSWIM

padboz · 04/02/2008 14:34

tori32 eh? It was sunday lunch time! It wasn't a stag party and there was a kid about - 2.5 bottles might be a physical possibility for a man but its not fun to be around someone on, what, 25 units? He may as well go and sit around under the railway embankment in a smelly coat.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:35

binkleandflip; not through direct experience, though admit to laughing alcohol OUT of my nose on a few occassions.

Padboz; DD said 'I don't like it when daddy shouts because I can't hear the telly.' She was being fobbed off with Snow White at the time of aforementioned curse. She didn't pick up on the words, but then she never usually hears swear words so wouldn't know that it was bad. Is so ironic, our house is void of a nastiness on any normal day and the one time my DH is drunk in front of her (she's usually in bed), he chooses the worst words he could possibly use!

theboob; Oh I see. Yes, I suppose your DH may well view it like that, but what exactly is in his system and when will the time come when it's 'out'?

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:43

Padboz/Jackstini; three of the five bottles of wine were brought by the guests! And no, friend didn't help, but at least she was well behaved and it's not up to her to worry about my DH's problem if she was having a good time!

Tori32; Trouble is he thinks he can hold his drink, but can't and it's always been that way. He's tried practicing for, ummmmm, about twenty years now, but is still no good at it! There are millions of times when I've been a complete discrace in the past, but I've mispent my youth and life is a bit more serious now. I would reserve letting go nowadays for hen parties/weekends away.

Don't you think it's a shame that he can't spend time catching up with people properly, without going overboard? I do.

OP posts:
pol27 · 04/02/2008 14:44

Rest assured you're not being the 'miserable old cow' they prob are making you feel like!

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:45

fingers crossed soon, im off to uni after next year at college and will need his suport more than ever esp with dc never really thought about in a few years time untill i saw this thread lol

chocchipcookie · 04/02/2008 14:48

Go to Al-anon: he has a problem and you can't control it.

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:52

i dont think drinking once a week requires A.A

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:52

I have considered Al-anon as technically he has a problem despite the fact his friends all do the same, if not more, boozing than him.

OP posts:
NoBiggy · 04/02/2008 14:54

Grrr. I hate that "you have to rein me in, give me a sign" shit. Because it makes you responsible. And they never take any bloody notice anyway.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:56

I think not ever being able to socialise without getting horrendously pissed is a problem. I got into a rutt a bit like that a few years ago, which started the alarm bells ringing, so I put a stop to it there and then and it was a hard habbit to break I can tell you.

I think looking back I was pretty close to having a problem. There's definately more of it around than you may think, especially when people are binge drinking so much at home and into their middle ages.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 04/02/2008 15:52

Actually, theboob, drinking once a week to the level that Spacemans dh is doing can be a reason to go to AA. And binge drinking at that level on a weekly basis can be more harmful to the liver than low levels of drinking all week. I know someone who went to a rehab clinic because his drinking was infrequent, but when he did drink he went on a total bender and made his family's life a misery.
And I am at 2.5 bottles of wine. I don't think my dh, even at his very drunkest has ever come close to that ( maybe once!) and he's a big guy about 16st. The once time he did come close to that he made a right fool of himself in front of my extended family and didn't want to meet them again for ages!

chipmonkey · 04/02/2008 15:53

Oh and that time, I had been muttering, "you've had enough" for quite some time without it having any effect at all!

theboob · 04/02/2008 16:27

sorry,but i picture people who seek help from A.A as people who drink when they open there eyes in the morning not once a week even if its alot i agree its not aceptable.

motheroftwoboys · 04/02/2008 16:34

As the wife of an recovering alcoholic/regular AA attender. Can I assure you that drinking a couple of bottles of wine a week does NOT an alcoholic make - although it is not to be recommended all in one go. An alcoholic is someone who is powerless over alcholic, who NEEDS to drink otherwise they have physical withdrawal symptons. Spaceman's DH just sounds as if he can't hold his drink!

chocchipcookie · 04/02/2008 16:34

In my experience, drinking is a problem if it affects your relationships and family life, tb.

It's not about how much or how often: that is a myth. It's more about whether once you start drinking you can't control it, even if that is once a week. That seems to be the OP's problem: once he starts he can't stop and that's a pretty classic definition of someone with an alcohol problem. Plenty of alcoholics don't drink every day precisely because they know they can't limit their intake once they take that first drink.

And you don't have to drink in the morning to qualify for AA!

Spaceman, why not try Al-anon? You would be amongst people who really understand and know the facts about drinking. You would also be able to get some leaflets. What have you got to lose? If you don't like it, don't go back.

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