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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at DH who swore in front of DD and threw up in sink after wine drinking sesh?

63 replies

Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:31

We had a couple of people around for Sunday lunch yesterday, I did all the work and tidying afterwards (depsite 25 wks pg), plus looked after my DD during the festivities. DH got onto wine with other mate, they drank five bottles between them. She was well behaved and in control. He ended up shouting the 'MF' phrase out in front of my DD (3.5) because he couldn't open a bottle of water, fell off the sofa like a sack of spuds and then threw up in my spotlessly clean sink depite the toilet being a foot away.

We're in our 30's and he's no self control when it comes to socialising and drinking. He can't wait to revert to his partying days at any opportunity, has no idea of his limits or how to stay within them and frankly needs to sodding well GROW UP!. Any tips on taming the oldest discrace in town?

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NoBiggy · 04/02/2008 13:34

I don't think it can be done. This is my experience at least.

Sparkletastic · 04/02/2008 13:38

Refuse to let him do it around DD? Record him when drunk so he can hear what a twunt he is? Ask him to see it from DD's perspective - how frightening to see her daddy like that.

dal21 · 04/02/2008 13:39

No tips I am afraid. Does he go this far quite often or was this really a one off.

I suppose if it is a frequent thing - you could record him when he is in that state and then show him it when sober. would that shock him into realising how bad a state he was in? Also - the other thing (not ideal with a young one around), dont clean up after him and make him do it when he wakes.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:41

Great idea Sparkle. In fact I almost did get the camcorder out and wish I did now. It's gonna be top of my agenda for the next sware; which incidentally is next Sunday, when I fully expect a repeat of yesterdays performance though at someone elses gaff.

NoBiggy; is there really no hope? Can I not even expect a five percent improvement in behaviour in the coming years?

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Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:45

Hi dal,

He did attempt to clean it up. DD was in her room and he was in the bathroom next to it splashing water everwhere, getting vomit over toothbrushes and flannels and shouting 'there it's all gone, what's wrong with that?' in a booming voice over and over.

I wouldn't say it's frequently that he acts like a complete Twot. He does it when he's catching up with mates he hasn't seen in a while, but the fact is he's totally encourageable and will always ensure he's the loudest/most drunk at every social occassion. He doesn't seem to know how else to be and it's putting me off going anywhere with him or seeing our friends.

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oranges · 04/02/2008 13:48

FIVE bottles between two of them?? Sounds like he is drinking it like water.

theboob · 04/02/2008 13:49

my dh does this every week he plays darts and ends up staying out till 5 in the morning (his friend owns a pub)i spend all the next morning trying to get him up for work and get 3 dc ready plus myself for college we are in our late 20's and i was hpoing he would grow out of it, but reading this thread it looks like i have many more years of it left

dal21 · 04/02/2008 13:54

sorry to hear that spaceman. if drinking (or any behaviour) ever gets to a stage where it starts making you not look forward to social situations, then it isnt great and YANBU at all.

unless he can somehow see that his behaviour is unacceptable and not great, then I dont really know what you can do to get him to curtail his drinking.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 13:55

What's worrying is that he shared that with our female friend; she must be killing herself. Our friends do actually drink heavily all the time without thinking anything of it. Some of my girlfriends would think nothing of going Fri-Sun and getting pissed each night, sinking wine, vodka etc like it's going out of fashion. They're getting into their 30's now and, whereas I drank a lot in my mid 20's, I saw sense and sorted it before it did me too much harm.

Theboob: You may want to try and nip this in the bud now before he gets so set in his ways that he carries on into his 30's. How the hell do you cope with three DC's and a piss head DH? At least my DH does always get up the next day without any fuss.

The only upside is theboob, is that the hangovers DO get a lot worse as you get older and that alone may make him stop as it has a few of my friends.

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pol27 · 04/02/2008 13:59

I totally feel for you.

Over heard DP say to one of his mates at the weekend, he was 'sick of dealing with all adult s*'... He is 32. Felt like shouting back 'yeah, and i'm sick of dealing with you!'

No answer to it but I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him when he's two sheets to the wind, you'll either get laughed at or a barrage of abuse.

Men can be ar***es at times.

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:03

he thinks once a week is fine,i go out once a month he did promise that he would not stay out late this week but im not holding my breath as once they all get together and the under the thumb chants start then thats it ,as for dc i just get on with it,dh helps me every morning except one so not got it that bad find it quite easy

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:03

I think it's a question of priorities with him though DAL21. He sees socialising as an escape from work/family life and a chance to roll back the years I think, so he puts everything to the side and goes for it. It runs in his family as his other family members, including his mum, really aspire to be the life and soul of the party: they think they've got a reputation to live up to. However, DH always effs it up big time and ends up not bringing the life and soul to the party, but instead the slow kiss of death.

Obvioulsy, being PG I'm sobre and it doesn't half open your eyes when you see how people deterirate around you when they've had too much. They end up looking pitiful and being boring, wheras they're under the illusion they're funny and clever. Where's that camera...

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binkleandflip · 04/02/2008 14:04

I think it is quite funny tbh (not the swearing in front of DD bit) but then I am quite immature too. Glad you say it happens infrequently

VinegarTits · 04/02/2008 14:06

Have you talked to him while he is sober? ask him why he doesnt seem to know his limits when it comes to consuming alcohol, and how he would feel if the situation were reversed and you got into that state (when your not pg of course) every time you had friends over? or even worse if one of your friends acted like this in front of your dd? It must be embarasing for both you and your friends if he acts like this.

If talking to him doesnt work i would get the video cam out next time.

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:07

i know exactly what you mean last year i was pg and could not stand my friends or family when they are drunk ,they always seem too repeat themselves which really gets on my nerves

QuintessentialShadow · 04/02/2008 14:07

Why on earth do you allow it in your house? Why do you help set the scene for this?

Clearly he is like a teenager who has just discovered drink, but you are the responsible one and can see his behaviour for what it is, so why do you put your family through this?

I would refuse point blank.

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:08

There does seem to be a resistance from men to commit. It is peer pressure, but grown blokes with families in tow should not feel the need to bow to peer pressure.

DH is also doing 'it' about once a week. He just jumps when one of his mates invites him out and then it's carnage. He's 35 and I think he's sad.

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stripeytiger · 04/02/2008 14:12

These things happen, get over it and move on. Don't suppose he feels that proud of himself.

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:13

as does mine ,sometimes he acts like an 18 year old we have been together since school and had ds1 quite young ,maybe he is making up for lost time

VinegarTits · 04/02/2008 14:14

Stripeytiger she is saying he does this regularly, so is she supposed to get over it and move on every week?

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:15

they never feel proud of themselves ,i do take lots of pics and show him lol

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:17

Hi QuintessentialShadow; I love your phrase 'like a teenager who has just discovered drink.' will use that one tonight. Do you really think Sunday lunch is setting the scene for it? I think it's quite innocent, and just emphasises how out of control HE is if he can't even host a family lunch without overdoing it!

Vinegartits: I have put view across on many occassion, and he agrees to what a fool he is and looks all sad puppy for a while. He even asked me once 'I need you to help me reign it in. Just give me a sign when you think I've had enough.' That was the night said DH took off after his first drink with the biggest idiot of the football team and was found snorting port up his nose for a laugh.

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theboob · 04/02/2008 14:18

agree with VT ,when this happens every week its hard to move on,i dred every wed and moan all day

theboob · 04/02/2008 14:20

oh dear,port up the nose what does that do

Original poster
Spaceman · 04/02/2008 14:22

StripeyTiger/Vinegar; it is too frequent and too predictable to be a one off, that's for sure, though admitedly he isn't out every night either.

Theboob; He isnt making up for lost time as he's spent close to 17 years partying. He even racked up £22,000 worth of debt because he was out clubbing every night in his 20's, which I helped him pay off before we got married.

I'm no saint myself, but I always live up to my responsibilities and put my families wellbeing first. I just can't understand why he can't be a bit more (here it comes, I HATE this word) MATURE!!!!

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