To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

[amberstonelove]

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

I know this will probably be lost in a sea of replies but getting a dog is a huge amount of work. I remember getting mine and I'd sob with exhaustion. You can't sit a dog in front of cbeebies for a 5 min breather sadly. I promise if you stay consistent she'll get it. One day you'll suddenly realise it all feels ok and she'll be the best thing in your life. I had this very conversation with a close friend that got a dog and initially regretted it big time

Oh my goodness I've had two cats and must have stepped on (with bare feet) multiple piles of cat sick and was constantly cleaning the carpet. Maybe I was just unlucky but my two cats threw up A LOT! Much more than my dog has

Hi. How long have you had the dog? It takes 3months for a dog to settle in. I adopted a frenchie and she wasn’t toilet trained. If you set reminders and let her out every 20mins they soon learn. And a good routine helps. Frenchies are known for allergy’s so look into getting allergy tests. Also there’s a great group on Facebook called French bulldogs uk. They helped me loads. Hope this helps. They really are great dogs but they do take time and effort

They've only had the poor thing a couple of weeks. The eldest will barely remember the dog in a couple of months.

The OP needs to get rid of the dog now before her children become attached

“We've had her a few weeks”

Then no, you haven’t “tried everything” 🙄

Hi. Firstly I’m sorry your OCD is affecting you so deeply you must be in hell. Have you had any past counselling or CBT that you could draw on and use any exercises to help you at the moment? If not I would really recommend it or try to refer yourself- it changed my life, it really really helps. You are not alone believe me. When it hits it hits.

in respect of your dog it sounds like they have pulled a fast one but if you can persevere it could be the best thing you ever do. Are there any trainers nearby you can enrol with, group or individual if that’s possible? You can train the dog and it will improve in time. People have suggested crates and going back to basics both of which sound good.

if you can do both of the above you’ll find yourself in a hugely different position soon- it may not seem it now!

Be Kind to yourself. OCD is absolutely horrible, try and treat yourself kindly and do not beat yourself up about this. Try and speak to someone, and unload and look at OCD support pages online and Instagram, there are loads of great ones!

I am sorry I've not read all replies. I think what you're experiencing is classic puppy blues - you're overwhelmed and anxious, your life has changed and you're not feeling in control. If you decide to rehome please please do so via proper rescue. I would like to reassure you though that this all can be overcome. Few points:
Vet is your first call to make sure her toileting issues don't have health background. I assume you have her previous vets details, her records can be transferred once your new practice requests then
She may well have been toilet trained but remember her life has changed too, if she's anxious dog she may be struggling to adjust. My own dog is perfectly toilet trained, but dogs don't generalise well so he might have accidents in friends house - he won't necessarily know that no peeing in our house means no peeing in ALL houses. She might be used to peeing on grass and you have concrete or other way around. In all honesty winter isn't the best time for toilet training dog but it can be done. I've done it quickly and this is my first dog. The rule was in our house was someone was always watching him, no exceptions, to spot signs he might need to go. Of course we took him out regularly, after naps, sleeping, eating ,playing. You go with her and reward her immediately you can also introduce cue word like go pee. And I mean immediately. I've had a small tupperware with tiny pieces of cooked chicken by the door, you have about 5s to reward for her to make a connection what is it for. It is hard and anxiety inducing having to watch her like a hawk all the time but she will get there. At the same time.never react when she goes inside. Just clean up calmly using enzymatic cleaner. If she detects you're upset with her she'd learn to go when you're not looking. Also take treats for walks and reward her then too.
Good luck with whatever you decide, I am absolutely confident you can do it but there's no shame in rehoming a dog responsibly if you feel someone else can give her better home. Consider joining PetForum, there's lovely and supportive community of dog lovers there ❤️ Best of luck x

The dog has my sympathies. Poor thing must be traumatised. Getting rehomed is very stressful for a dog and "a few weeks" is nothing.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Jumping in with 2 feet, buying a designer dog from some random online, and now giving up on her within "a few weeks".
Disgusting behaviour.

Now you know why the previous owners got rid. People can be very unscrupulous.
Winter is the hardest time to toilet train. Do you have a crate? That might be a good idea to contain her, or a room with hard floors. Our adopted dog ruined our downstairs carpets with her toileting and we ended up getting hard flooring put in throughout. I thought that stage would never end but it did, took a month or two definitely.
Have you had dogs before? You would probably benefit from a behaviourist to reassure you.

OP i had a feeling it would be a french bulldog, ex dh wanted a prized expensive dog, I didn't want a dog but as always he went ahead with one honestly it was the most stressful thing, she is now 2 and honestly still makes a mess in the house with going toilet unless I am constantly at the back door ready to let her out which is not possible. The kids adore her I couldn't break their hearts but my carpet is ruined and stained to the point I have noe got to buy flooring. Over xmas I feel i have gotten closer to her but that is because we were wih her 24/7 and she wasn't messing everywhere but now I have to work again and here I am cleaning up shit everyday. I feel your pain if she didn't mess in the house I would be ok but at times she has wee'd all over my bed on brand new sheets etc, dogs are so hard!! I don't know the solution as she can't hold it in when I am at work, she is in the kitchen when at work, I felt bad so started leaving her in the living room but she poops on the carpet. I just cant find a deep bond others get and it makes me feel guilty but its the mess

My dog had lots of accidents when she arrived with us but had been toilet trained. We actually thought she had something medically wrong but the vet ruled it out. We got up to a mess most mornings.

It stopped after about 3 months and never happened again, think she was more unsettled with the move than we realised.

This group is great. Deep breaths OP. Take it one day at a time and it will get better. Get a trainer as well.

you’ve had her no time at all. She will be hugely stressed by the move and missing her family. It’s terrible that they didn’t tell you about allergies but allergies are more common than you think ( our dog can’t have chicken ! I mean really…what dog is allergic to chicken….ours apparently, mind you my nieces bulldog can only eat duck so I shouldn’t complain).

If you can’t ‘get to work’ to fix this then yes rehome. But gosh…that poor dog.

@Clymene I expect those children would have become attached the moment the idea of a dog was discussed. I know mine would have been. The relationship between a child and a dog is very different to that of an adult and a dog.

You need to take her to training. This is what happens when dogs are privately rehomed, much better to get a rescue when you have children. You need to persevere I’m afraid, a dog is not disposable, it’s already had at least 2 homes, god knows where it’ll go if you get rid too. Get some good advice re the house training and get her spayed.

I dont think your being unreasonable, I have a basset hound and hes a nightmare! I could send him packing 5 times a day BUT he's my dog and I love him dearly he's 6 now (only been toilet trained in the last 2 years but they are known for being stuborn buggers). It's hard at first because you don't have a connection but it will get better, My daughter adores him and I could never see their friendship end but I can totally empathise with how your feeling as I felt the same

Wow, toilet training is not that hard, you just need to do it properly. I know there are many who will not agree with this, but it has worked for me every single time and I have researched about it. I have had two dashounds growing up and now a mixed breed....all were super easily toilet trained by using a crate. It only took a few weeks and once they are trained we no longer use the crate. It also prevents them from having accidents everywhere, but you need to make sure to also follow a meal schedule so they arent pooping all the random times...you will learn their poop schedule if you feed at regular times. I am always amazed at people who do not bother to actually research before buying a dog....all the information you need is out there. But basically, the dog needs to be taken out regularly and get proper exercise and then put back into crate. This way she learns not to pee/poo except when outside. Once she has been outside for her poo/pee then she can play inside the house for a little bit, so you know she wont have accidents, as she has just gone. Then back into the crate until you take her out again and repeat. Praise and a treat for peeing/pooping outside...literally as they go "Good girl!" treat. Accidents inside - give a stern no.

Toilet training is the easiest aspect of training and takes days. You do need patience but it's easy.
Any time she poos in the house, don't react, put her outside, when she goes outside, praise her. Repeat. She will link the two and will let you know she needs out.
Even the best toilet trained dog might struggle in a new home. I think lots of people's problem is they like the idea of a dog, and the reality just isn't what they expected

I have some sympathy with you OP. No doubt all if this is pushing your OCD buttons and that will be very difficult for you.

Nevertheless, you are an adult. It seems you didn’t do any proper research before buying this dog - French Bulldogs are notoriously over-bred and you didn’t properly consider that a dog someone else was “getting rid of” would come with issues. Animals thrive on routine and consistent kindness. You are considering ‘disposing’ if this living, feeling creature after a couple of weeks because you can’t bring yourself to put time and effort into helping it settle in. Aside from the fact that your decisions are morally suspect, what will ‘rehoming’ this dog teach your children about responsibility? You need to get it together, go back on your meds if you need to and see this through like a responsible adult.

This is so ridiculously unhelpful.

Forgot to mention, it is kind of like when you toilet train a child, but the opposite. You would not leave the house with out trying to get your child to sit on the toilet first, so dc doesnt have an accident when you go out. But w a dog its the opposite, you dont want the dog peeing in the house, so you make sure dog pees outside before letting them play around inside the house.

Get a playpen - the type for toddlers. Use that if you need to go out and leave her alone for a while, or if you have to cook dinner or something. Put in a blanket and toys and a teddy or two.
Gate off any rooms you can to stop access.
Get a crate. Our puppy sleeps in his crate in our bedroom.
The smaller the space the less likely they are to have an accident in it. For now, you could set an alarm and take her out about 2am but if you put her to bed late and get up early you shouldn't need to do that for long.
Def take out on lead every hour during the day , plus at mealtimes. 5 minutes should be enough. Aim for the same grassy space every time.
If they haven't peed in their crate and you take them out very early first thing in the morning, you will def get a result and then act like a moron overreacting with joy, telling her how wonderful she is, pat and cuddle , give fave snack etc.

Repeat.

Only a few weeks? That’s nowhere near long enough to establish a routine with a rescued dog!

You have to feed your dog at a set time frame every day to ensure they are regular. Keep going outside with the dog until you recognise the amount of time they take after eating and going to the toilet.

I have three dogs and they are in a routine with their food and drink and going to the toilet.

It’s been easy with the two that are the same breed as their stomachs and bladder must be on the same cycle and they understand the word, ‘toilet’ and go as soon as we go outside.

The other one will sometimes stand there looking gormless but I walk him up and down past a tree or post to ensure that he gets the hung and he suddenly realised he has to cock his leg and have a wee!

You need to persevere.

A friend of mine has 4 frenchies and while she loves and dotes on them she says she fully accepts that they have almost daily accidents. They’re also on an expensive dog food due to some digestive issues The toileting issue at least is a breed thing apparently- small bowels/bladders?

Rather her than me, it sounds like the kind of stress I couldn’t be arsed with and I don’t have OCD or similar issues.

How much research on this breed did you do? As for who you brought her off of, when people who don’t give a shit (pardon the pun) about what they’re selling, sell something, they will tell you whatever the hell you want to hear. You can argue that you’re too trusting but that’s not an excuse for not being more prepared imo. Hopefully you can find a solution that suits you, your children and the poor dog.

Hung means hint

Exactly what I was going to say.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

Its not difficult, let the dog out every 20/30 minutes when they’re awake, whatever the weather until they toilet. Let them out first thing, if they wake from a sleep, after they’ve eaten. If you have to, put them on the lead to take them out Lots of praise when they do their business. Before you know it they take themselves to the door when they want to go out.