To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

[amberstonelove]

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

Did you pay for the dog, OP? The previous owners sound like twats.

But if the post prevents just one more dog being in the same situation then I'm all for it

I bet the Daily Liar hasn't picked up this story but there is the Spare Us scoop today.

Get the dog's hearing checked. Deaf dogs need a whole other approach to toilet training and general command response. Poor thing might not have a clue.
I think you let your heart rule your head here but your only human. Sounds like your OCD is quite an issue which isn't the dogs fault. Maybe more research would have led you to a different choice but in all honesty, I don't think you can continue as you are. You could train the dog but you will have to adjust your expectations on cleanliness and you have to ask yourself if it's something you can do. I've just had to spend a couple of months washing my cat daily due to old age incontinence at the end of his life The house smelt like poo, I couldn't have visitors, couldn't really go out. It wasn't nice but it was my responsibility. Animal care and financial commitment must be carefully considered before letting them into your heart and home. Just make sure whatever your decision that you learn from the experience and make sure that if you re-home, you do your research and choose the right place.

She might have been toilet trained, but has failed to understand that your house has the same rules as her old house, I highly recommend Kikopup training videos on Youtube - she's really friendly and takes you through in such easy steps. You will have to take a step back and treat your dog as if she's a puppy, but if she's learned this once, she'll pick it up again. Don't give up, but get good help!

We also got an older rescue dog who had been used for breeding and she was not house trained. She quickly learned from our other dog and now only has indoor accidents when she is sick.

Crating her should help as she will not want to dirty where she sleeps. Good luck. I really hope it works out for you and your dog.

You’ve had her a “few weeks” so I’m guessing you got a dog for the kids Christmas….

A rehomed dog needs some time to settle in especially over Christmas when you are out of routine and the kids are excitable.

First, get a vet check just in case there is a medical reason. Research the breed and toilet training approaches. Choose one that suits your dog and stick to it. Be clear, calm and consistent. It will work.

your dog has experienced a change of owner, home, routine, expectations, commands….these take time to settle into.

I saw seek some professional advice first. But if you need to re-home then do it.
The 3 yo will have forgotten the dog within a week, and with the 8yo I think if you speaking to her seriously "you're so mature, I know you'll understand", then she'll accept it.

Oh bless you I can imagine it's really hard work, especially when you were essentially deceived by the previous owner. Unfortunately even the most "well trained, healthy" dog can have it's own individual issues which need sorting but almost all dogs can be trained to wee outside only with persistence. I know you said you wanted to avoid house training, but if done correctly you can have your dog house trained in a matter of days.

As others have said, I'd suggest going right back to basics for house training. Treat your dog as if it's a puppy for the start of training. Every 30 minutes, after every meal and every time they wake up from a nap, take the puppy outside. When the puppy is actually weeing, say "go for a wee wee, good dog, wee wee! Going for a wee wee!" You'll sound insane but they'll soon learn what "wee" means, and they'll begin to know what to do when you take them outside and say "wee".

Also, lots of praise when they're weeing in the garden. After they've finished, a treat and lots of fussing and cheery "well done, good dog" etc

Equally, don't tell your dog off for weeing inside unless you catch them in the act. If you find a puddle, the dog has already forgotten and telling them off after they've done it will just confuse them. It's not a case of teaching "garden good, house bad", it's more solidifying the habit that peeing in the garden is just what she does and weeing in the house just doesn't happen. Eventually it won't cross your dog's mind to wee in the house as she will know that the only place she wees is outdoors. Consistancy is key though. Any time she looks like she's sniffing around ready for a wee or a poop, take her straight outdoors.

I hope I don't sound like I'm oversimplifying it, I've just been through all of this with a Labrador puppy who learnt where to wee in a matter of days. You just need to ensure that the dog has more than enough opportunities to wee outside. There are lots of helpful YouTube videos which can assist you but I really suggest going back to puppy basics and putting a week or two of hard work in, with absolute consistency, and hopefully the results will show. Good luck OP!

Thank you all for your replies both insanely harsh and those who were very common ground. I’ve avoided this thread today as I have been very unwell. I’ve never felt like such an utter vile human in all my life and so avoiding this thread today was good for my health. We still have our dog. Who I would like to add came to us in THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF NOVEMBER. Not CHRISTMAS.

For anyone interested in an update, I will post in a few days.

Id like to add of course I know people are harsh in AIBU threads. People of course get kicks out of it. I am not in a good place but luckily I am hardened to words. Please think before attacking as for some people, it could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Our dog is safe, being given lots of attention and has done really well today with toileting.

Oh right. So when you said you'd had her 'a few weeks', you meant two months

That last sentence is such good news, @AlmondBake .

It takes some dogs quite a while to settle into anew environment(and possibly different food), and this is even more so if they have been

a) Outside dogs who haven't needed housetraining

b) from a chaotic household, particularly if they were shouted at or smacked when they had an accident (the stress can actually make them worse)

c) moving to a different "type" of household - eg from all adults to one with children

d) going from being one dog of a small pack to being an only dog (or vice versa)

It sounds really good progress, though. I'm sure you'll get there if you persevere - kindness, consistency and clarity are the watchwords.

Not all are ‘non shedding’ though. Poodle cross breeds can inherit their coat from either parent and sometimes, they have a ‘mixed coat’. My very experienced dog groomer says that many of their coats are a nightmare because some of it is wool (from the Poodle) and some is fur. My Vet also tells me that these crossbreeds have many more health problems than well bred pedigree dogs, as they inherit any health vulnerabilities from both sides and have a few more besides. A cross of two (probably poorly bred) pedigrees does not give the robust health of Heinz variety mongrels of old. I have had Poodles (the large ones and toys) for 23 years and I just don’t understand why someone who wants a non-shedding, cheerful, mostly very healthy breed (no long backs, short legs/noses, dodgy hips or bulging eyes) doesn’t buy a poor bred Poodle. After all, they come in 3 different sizes and are cheaper than the crazy priced cross breeds!

It was wrong for her previous owners not to be fully transparent with you, but what you have is a sentient being, she doesn’t understand toileting because no one has really tried with her up to now, or she could be so anxious because she is picking up your energy and she doesn’t know what she is doing wrong , she just knows she is doing wrong, and toileting has become confusing for her. She is trying to adjust to you, you have to remember that you are new to her and she has to adjust, that must be so confusing for her.

you haven’t got a toy which can be switched on when the children want to play and behaves perfectly then goes back in the corner, you have got a being that thinks and feels, if you really cannot cope with her then find someone who can and do it sooner rather then later before too much damage is done.

Your children need to learn and need guidance in this world , you give them that, so does your dog, and I think so do you, whatever you do, go and get some counselling, your reaction to her messing is so much more unhealthy then anything she could deposit, if your children are witnessing this and absorbing it all, they need to see Mum in full health more then they need a dog. you mention how awful it was that she was in season, so your anxieties really are around any mess she makes. if your health anxieties and OCD control you so much that you want her gone because you cannot cope then you do need further help and the dog deserves an owner that will focus on the dog and not on the mess she makes. If you are not prepared to find a way to make this work, give her to someone who can, then find a way to stop your anxieties controlling you in such a damaging way, find a way to get healthy.

And you could save your time not writing arsey and pointless replies. We were advised to do this by our vet.

So unnecessary, too - there are a lot of non-shedding breeds - poodles, bedlington terriers,bichons etc

I also read that the original "inventor" of the breed would turn the clock back if he could - he bred those dogs for a specific purpose: as service dogs for people with severe allergies. They were very carefully bred so that the steadiness of particular labrador strains was combined with the poodle fleece to not only eliminate shedding but also to reduce dander which is massive allergen.

Each service dog was also carefully matched with its new owner for allergic reactivity - these are not "one size fits all" which people seem to think. Just because A doesn't react negatively to a particular dog, it doesn't meant that B won't either. It's much more complex than that.

But it opened a door to horrific backyard breeding where unscrupulous individuals will put any t dogs together, give them a silly name, advertise them as a "chance to own this rare and unusual breed"* and charge top dollar for them.

The canine misery and human heartbreak which has resulted from this is incalculable.

*they aren't a breed -they are a cross, and one step away from a mongrel

Good luck OP, it's very hard, but your consistent and determined small daily efforts will eventually pay off.

I'd love a poodle if I didn't already have three spaniels (Mr Viper chose our breed and promised to walk them everyday. Hahahaha!)

Poodles were one of the breeds we were considering, but when we were looking poodles were very difficult to get hold of - one breeder told me that she only bred when she wanted a pup to bring on to show herself, as she had difficulty selling the litters. Apparently everybody wants/wanted doodles She also said that a lot of poodle breeders were worried the breed would be lost - I don't know how accurate this is or if she was just being dramatic.

There were certainly very few litters available - not just locally, as we were prepared to travel.

It's such a shame - a friend has two poodles and they are lovely little dogs (miniatures - she did have two standards before these but now she is older didn't want a big dog again)

It was good advice - with the best will in the world you can't watch them every second and better on paper than on carpet.

Excellent news that your dog has improved today

Perhaps not so hopeless after all

I was really surprised when my neighbours moved in. I saw their cute dog and said ‘oh what kind is he’ and she said ‘it’s a poodle.’ I had genuinely no idea poodles looked like that - in my mind they looked like when you see one in films with the weird poofy bits and shaved in places etc. I genuinely did not recognise one with all the hair. He was so beautiful and gentle, such a lovely dog. I have a real soft spot for poodles now, except I don’t see them much.

Thanks for the update, @amberstonelove .
Posters sometimes don't realise that sometimes an OP can be at their wits' end when posting. I've been on the end of some comments where given how fragile I was at the time were truly vile.

We've just got back from the vets after putting our 13 year old bassett hound to sleep, so fairly emotional...just a heads up.

I don't think you should have a dog at all. Not in a nasty way at all, they aren't suitable for everyone, just like cats, or horses or whatever.

Our dog has been poohing and weeing indoors for about 4/5 months now, because of old age issues. She previously had stomach ugs like all dogs get and hasn't been able to make it outside. This is part and parcel of having a dog, it's totally inevitable that at some point you will be be clearing this up for days/weeks/months at a time. If this makes you ill, then you obvisouly have w choice to make.

Colitis and chronic diarrhoea are always potential issues in this particular breed as well as spinal dysfunction which in turn can lead to incontinence (which it did with our bassett in the end).

Hand on heart, I thunk you were stupid to get a dog, especially a breed like this one when a good old fashioned mineral would be a better fit, but it's done. I think, as much as I feel sorry for the animal being passed from pillar to post, I think you should let it go...responsibly, through a registered charity that vets people. You don't sound well enough to cope with the demands, I haven't relished the past few months, but I loved mine dearly after having her since she was 10 weeks. That love and bond meant I would walk over hot coals for her. Your dog deserves someone to feel like that about her, and you deserve to be living in an environment that isn't killing your mental health and making you reliant on medication.

I don't think there's a good win in this, but those my thoughts for what they are worth.

Hope you sort something.

Sorry to read of your loss @housemdwaswrong I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to lose them 💐

@Emotionalsupportviper It’s true that nearly everyone who wants Poodle characteristics what a crossbreed 🤷‍♀️ I’ve actually had someone stop me when I was walking mine and ask “what breed is it”? When I replied “a Poodle”. She said in a disappointed tone “oh, just a Poodle”! WTF, yes, a carefully bred pure breed from health tested lines 🙄 There is indeed a risk of Toys and Standards going on the endangered breed list soon and Miniatures are not far behind.

These are my two Toys and two of my Standards. All well bred and healthy.