To not find this funny?

[Whatthough]

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

I think if you haven't already, I'd say something like:

'You need to stop making jokes about me drinking. It's not funny, it upsets me because it's a lie about something that is quite serious for adults. Drinking too much can be a big problem for some people and adults that do drink too much might not be allowed to look after children, or do their jobs.'

Something like that. Because then you'll be sure that she understands why some things aren't funny, and the consequences of telling lies about people, without you shaming her in return. You could add a little bit about how she'd feel if you told lies about her to her friends / family even if she'd said it wasn't funny. It's a good opportunity to teach about how laughing at someone isn't a good thing and it's not a good way to make and keep friends.

What do you mean by 'his daughter'?! This isn't someone you are casually dating, this is your husband, so she is your daughter too! She sounds like she is acting like a 10 year old, but you also do. Perhaps it's time for your to think of her as your step--daughter and treat her like it - both in terms of bonding but also discipline?

‘His daughter’ is factually correct. She’s not OP’s daughter.

I suspect it would cause WW3 if OP tried to discipline her. And DSD knows it.

What do you mean by 'his daughter'?! This isn't someone you are casually dating, this is your husband, so she is your daughter too!

Don't talk nonsense. The girl has her own mother. If OP referred to her SD as her 'daughter', she'd be told to know her place. I certainly don't refer to my SD as my daughter, she's not, much as I love her and get on great with her.

That's not the way this works.

There’s always one that tries to make a woman in to a wicked stepmother isn’t there 🙄 The child is in the wrong and her dad needs to step in here. She IS his daughter, I would expect him to be the one to step in when discipline is required and the child isn’t listening to the step parent. Speaking as a step mum myself who adores her step child, my DH would step in, in this situation.

Just banter, an 8yr old laughing about getting pissed?! Wowzer.

And calling her a Karen, which is a weird and horrible term. Double wowzer.

What do I mean? Exactly that.. she is his daughter.

I'd be more worried that she seems to dislike you enough to spread a lie about you. It sounds very passive aggressive to me. Perhaps you should sit her down and talk about how hurt you are about her behaviour. Try to get to the bottom of it.

Brilliant response. Definitely do this!

Is it a lie though? The child only goes there at weekends and sees the OP drinking every time she goes.

I think it’s important to realise that a 10yr old child doesn’t just come up with something like accusing their step parent of drinking alcohol excessively, without the idea having originated from “somewhere”. That could be from TV she’s watched, or suggested by her mother, or repeating something that another child has told them about their own parent, or pretty much anywhere.
I would try and take a step back from this, and get her dad to speak to her about it. Ask her why she says it. Why she THINKS that you drink excessively. Ask her how she would fell if someone was exaggerating/ making up things that she did, to make her look bad in front of other people - give examples such as “sucking her thumb at bedtime”, or “picking her nose and eating it”, or whatever would be most relevant to HER. Ask her why she thinks that having a glass of wine once or twice a week is so bad. Actually talk to her about it.
On a serious note, she could be parroting something that a friend has told her, that really should be raising alarm bells about another child’s safety. Eg child A says to her “my mum is always drinking wine, and falls over” and your DD replies with “my stepmom drinks wine as well” but kids often have to “compete” with each other, to make themselves sound more interesting and more desirable as a friend. One up man ship kind of thing. Your mum fell over drink last week, so mine does it EVERYDAY. Never thinking, at 10 hrs old, of what that actually means.

Where on earth have you got this from?! She absolutely does not see me drinking every time she's here.

Are you a liar too?

Yes, your step daughter.

Yes, your step daughter

Exactly. Not her daughter as the PP said.

Do your unsupportive husband and step child expect you to do stuff for them whilst apparently inebriated - school pick ups, club drop offs, cooking, running around after them? Because, if your husband refuses to deal with his daughter's lies, I'd be telling them you won't be doing all these things for them - you're too drunk.

She’s ten. She’s winding you up and it’s working. And it won’t have serious anything. If you don’t drink - and I believe you - just ignore her. Don’t give her even a look when she says it. She will get bored.

No, you don’t wait for her to get brief of making disrespectful jokes.

Her father needs to be very clear with her that she needs to stop.

get bored*

I would rise above it quite frankly.

I can understand why it would be as irritating AF but if you ignore it completely it’s just a 10 year chatting shit.

No other adult who knows you is really taking that seriously, and even if they do, so what? Drinking is what most of the country is doing to get through right now!

Don’t react to it-she’s enjoying the attention.

An 8 year old? Oh my! I think I must be super old fashioned. Sassy? Surely for an 8 year old that's a nice way of saying disrespectful and precocious

Hope this is not real. And any woman perpetuating the ‘Karen’ misogyny should be ashamed.

HUH?