Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this funny?

227 replies

Whatthough · 03/01/2023 16:31

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/01/2023 20:26

If its all just a joke and a laugh, whys it just op she's targeting? Why not make jokes about dad and wine/beer/whisky? So clearly is a nasty little dig to be mean towards op!

LexMitior · 03/01/2023 20:27

Okay, get your husband to speak to her.

If she does it again after that then you do have to tell her that she's a terrible liar immediately next time, in front of everyone. 10 year olds do not like that kind of attention and the purpose reverses, so she is under the spotlight.

It does rather sound like an adult comment picked up, however.

LightSpeeds · 03/01/2023 20:35

You need to get this stopped. She's a child and this would be raised as a safeguarding concern if she says it at school.

I work with young people who also do this - calling their parents alcoholics, when they're probably anything but.

MarvellousMonsters · 03/01/2023 20:37

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

That's brilliant.

On a serious note, she needs to stop saying it. You've asked her to stop, she should stop.

Kitcaterpillar · 03/01/2023 20:38

Some of you are properly weird people.

Hellybelly84 · 03/01/2023 20:44

Dont react to it as thats fuelling her trying to wind you up.

As shes 10, she is old enough to understand the difference between drinking a few glasses of wine a week (a treat for grown ups) and drinking to excess/alcoholism. I would both have a serious chat with her, explain the difference and ask her not to make fun of something that can be a serious addiction. She is not 5 so she needs to understand what is funny and what isnt.

Pheasantplucker2 · 03/01/2023 20:45

Definitely a talk with you and dad and DSD.

You need to prime him in advance and just be the silent party, as hard as that is.

He needs to ask her why she says it? Point out that he drinks just as much, if not more than you, and why doesn't she comment on that?

Say that there are some things it's not ok to comment on, even if she thinks it is a joke it could have serious consequences.

Get him to be explicit that it's not ok to comment on what people eat or drink or what they look like. Say that applies to everyone, including friends and family.

He needs to tell her that you have been very understanding but someone else might not be quite so kind, and so he needs to make it clear that any comment like this about anyone in future will have the following consequences

  • go to room/electronics removed/time out - whatever works.

Don't be with her in front of others unless dad is there too. He needs to be on it and call her out in public every single time. It will not be as effective if you do it. I don't know what your relationship is like, but it sounds as though she's enjoying winding you up - does she do it to anyone else?

You then need to be the good guy. Plan a nice treat with her when she's over and rise above the comments. Say at the beginning of the visit that you're going to do painting nails/baking a cake/going to the park/watching a film together - whatever she really enjoys. But crucially it's happening after any socialising and just before she leaves.

Then if she makes the comment again, dad has to be the one to swoop in and stop it. Say that HE won't allow her to have the nice treat until she stops making that comment. You can do the sad face and say "hopefully next time DSD, I was looking forward to doing this with you".

It sounds like there are a few mixed up feelings about you in there. And whilst that is understandable, she needs to hear from her dad that she must be civil and treat you with respect. Then it's not you going to him and "telling tales", it's him seeing her behaviour and her learning that he isn't going to allow it to happen.

Good luck!

Schleep · 03/01/2023 20:46

I'm petty, but I'd make a similar joke about her. Just use it as your come back "ah well, I drink a lot but you never wash your pants" or something inane. When she gets mardy, ask her why - and then explain you feel the same way about her comments.

Thepossibility · 03/01/2023 20:59

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

This is perfect, honestly.
My DS does similar. Just trying to get attention.
Telling them off and getting all angry will just make you look like an uptight bitch.
Whacking them back with an embarrassing “joke" gives them a nice little lesson without ruining the mood of the day.
Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2023 20:59

Well I do.live with your father so....

JellyInMyBrain · 03/01/2023 21:04

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

I would first explain to her that it's hurtful, problematic and can cause serious issues if someone thinks you've got a substance abuse problem.

Then ask he how she'd feel if you kept saying to people for a laugh that she wets the bed even though it isn't true.

Then tell her that you will use the line above "yup, one glass every time you wet the bed” every time she says it from now on.

Then follow through.

katepilar · 03/01/2023 21:05

Could she be craving your attention? As in not enough good attention so doing whatever stupid to get at least angry attention?

Welshmonster · 03/01/2023 21:05

Tell DH it’s not funny and if it continues you will speak to her mum about it as it could have consequences for both parents if something is said at school as a safeguarding issue.

Clairedelaplume · 03/01/2023 21:07

How about explaining that it is similar to op joking to people that the girl wets the bed, and would she like the op to do that? I don’t think it’s shitty parenting, it’s a good way of getting your point across/eliciting empathy.

Maybedont · 03/01/2023 21:09

respond with ‘only when you wet the bed, my darling’

FamilyFunTimes · 03/01/2023 21:16

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read 😂

maddening · 03/01/2023 21:19

My ds (11) would be firmly told off if he persisted like that, the first few times may be a joke but.one he is told to stop he would be expected to do so- dh needs to stop it.

Olive19741205 · 03/01/2023 21:25

Tough that you don’t like her, she’s a child and you’re an adult who chose to marry her father

What chance do step-parents have with attitudes like this? Deliberately ignoring the issue in hand to desperately have a go at a step mother.

user1471598758 · 03/01/2023 21:29

Meh. My daughter says stuff like this a lot about me and my friends. She’ll answer the door and upon seeing them roll her eyes and say ‘I suppose you lot are going to be drinking wine tonight’. Or upon seeing a mulled wine stall at the pta fair loudly exclaimed ‘Mum, do I have to remind you that you can’t get drunk at the school fayre’. She’s 8 and recently discovered sassy ness and thinks she’s hilarious. We just play along. In fact we’ve started calling her ‘Karen’. As in ‘Alright Karen, who made you the fun police’ or ‘Of course I’m drinking wine, I’ve had to hang out with Karen all day so I deserve it’. Truth is, I drink alcohol once, maybe twice a month, and never get drunk in her presence. It’s just banter🤷🏻‍♀️

LeccyBillShill · 03/01/2023 21:32

And so it begins.

Nip the cheek in the bud or you may end up having to ban DSD from your house when she’s 17…

Hopeforrainbows · 03/01/2023 21:33

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

😂😂😂😂😂

best response!

IndysMamaRex · 03/01/2023 21:33

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

This is brilliant 😂 probably will stop her saying it very quickly as well. Cos that needs to stop now. A joke is a joke but she should know to stop if she’s been asked to

Theblacksheepandme · 03/01/2023 21:33

user1471598758 · 03/01/2023 21:29

Meh. My daughter says stuff like this a lot about me and my friends. She’ll answer the door and upon seeing them roll her eyes and say ‘I suppose you lot are going to be drinking wine tonight’. Or upon seeing a mulled wine stall at the pta fair loudly exclaimed ‘Mum, do I have to remind you that you can’t get drunk at the school fayre’. She’s 8 and recently discovered sassy ness and thinks she’s hilarious. We just play along. In fact we’ve started calling her ‘Karen’. As in ‘Alright Karen, who made you the fun police’ or ‘Of course I’m drinking wine, I’ve had to hang out with Karen all day so I deserve it’. Truth is, I drink alcohol once, maybe twice a month, and never get drunk in her presence. It’s just banter🤷🏻‍♀️

Wow, I'm lost for words.

CuriousMama · 03/01/2023 21:36

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

That actually made me lol 😂

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2023 21:39

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

Nice one.