To not find this funny?

[Whatthough]

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

12 is usually the time you learn that if the target of your joke doesn't find it funny, it isn't actually a joke.

yep, it is bullying. So, OP, you need to point out to your DH that his child is a bully in waiting and needs to learn now when things have gone too far.

And since he may ignore it, i loved the "yep, every time you wet the bed" just to teach how quickly funny turns to not at all funny

🤣🤣 that was also my reaction.

To be honest I think you need to show you are angry. Gentle parenting noesnt always work. People get angry in life. They need to know this. One day you will snap so better it be when you are in control. SDD I have had enough of this now. We all know I only have one or 2 drinks at the weekend. The lies need to stop now. In a very raised voice and sent to her room

Better she understands if you pass someone off they will bite back. Better learn now than someone else and its a horrible shock!

Shock horror people get angry when pushed and retaliate.

It’s not meant to be funny. I personally would do it (though not to a step child as that is out of my jurisdiction) but I’d certainly snap it back at my own child. I’m glad to report though that I’m a perfectly good parent (albeit a single one) and my young adult children love me (don’t hate me), enjoy being in my company and we are very close. As I said earlier I’ve never had to deal with tantrums or slamming doors or anything like that and I’m not even a ‘strict’ parent I’m pretty liberal really but I’ve always been hot on good manners.

You do not need to humiliate a child to be hot on good manners.

the "bedwetting" thing (and it could be anything else) is only humiliating if you say it when someone else is present. Maybe her dad at most.

Or you say "well, look at it like this, if i said 'DSD wets the bed every night' whenever one of your friends came over, how would that make you feel?"

The fact that a parent on this thread thought that drawing a line and sending a kid up to bed when he crossed a line is bad parenting, tells me all i need to know about why i keep encountering kids with awful behaviour.

This! 🤣🤣

As I’ve said before I’ve never needed to humiliate my children as I’ve never been put in that situation but I do know they’d only have to be given a ‘look’ by their dad and they’d stop immediately (he has his uses). How do you manage the challenges of your own children when they continuously step out of line?

One day I just snapped and I did raise my voice and I said something along the lines infront of guests and other people.
"DS I have told you time and time again to stop lying about me! I am fed up of it, go to your room NOW"

This is exactly how I would handle this. Ideally dh would do it but if he didn't I would do it myself.

Before the next time though I would sit down and explain quite seriously that this kind of lie/joke/banter isn't funny. And no joke is funny if it is aimed at someone who dislikes it. If she behaved like this with her friends (for example if she pretended one of her friends wet the bed), she soon wouldn't have any. She is old enough to learn to navigate teasing people and reading reactions.

Oh please say this it’s so funny 😆

Wow - shocking behaviour - she's 10!

Be blunt and tell her jokes are supposed to be funny, not upset the butt of it. Do it in front of the next person she says it to. Show her how it feels to be showed up and embarrassed.

It's not that odd. Our DC went through a similar phase and considering I drink about one every six months it definitely wasn't based in reality.
You're blowing it out of all proportion. You know it isn't true. People who know you, know it isn't true. Just ignore. Or impose a consequence eg if she mentions it again just say 'from now on if you make that type of comment, you'll lose your phone/pc/book for an evening/day/week. I understand you think it's a joke but it's a reality for some people and not funny'.
You don't need to attach lots of emotion and nefarious intent. She's a child. You're the parent. Parent.

It's not funny though is it

Ironic that people think the 10 year old is a bully when they're joing in with this

Yy but it seems the poo troll might have been joined by a bedwetting troll. No responsible parent would really make that comment.

Personally I don't think you should attempt to deal with the child You should insist your Dh deals with it, right now, and if he doesn't he should be the one facing consequences. He's allowing his daughter to be rude and to upset an adult. That's terrible parenting on his part.

I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a discussion with her. I wouldn't keep it light hearted, she needs to know you both are not happy with this behaviour and it has to stop. If she doesn't stop there will be consequences. Tell her what the consequences will be and if she does it again act on it. Behaviour like this if not dealt with could get her in a load of trouble when she gets older.

This. At 10 she's old enough to know not to tell lies.

YABU

You can’t get mad at her when DH thinks it’s funny and she’s doing it to be funny - that’s going to seriously confuse her.

You need to get mad at DH for being a dick and not parenting his child when you’ve said you don’t like it.

For now, I would give guests the heads up and tell them to ignore if she says anything like that.
Then when she says it just completely ignore it like it never happened and carry on with the conversation.

The good thing is that you know it’s going to happen and so you can be prepared.

She wants a reaction and any sort of response is going to give her that.

So, how's your relationship generally with your step daughter?

100% agree, Bookkeys.

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

I assume you are school age (which is fine everyone’s welcome on here) and I’m sure that remark may work with people in your class but an adult wouldn’t say something like that to a child.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

Hang on, is this a christmas/new year thing?

It is likely she said it once or twice and got a positive reaction and is trying to replicate it. She is only 10, it is a difficult age between being a young child where people find your misjudged jokes cute and funny and a preteen where you are still very immature and expectations are much higher, especially from a broken home/different families when senses of humour may vary greatly.

It is just a misjudged joke, I would do as a few others have suggested and not blow it out of proportion and ignore (ask your dh to ignore too if he is egging her on). When she stops getting a reaction she will stop.

My dniece did similar around the same age, told several adults (including her karate teacher, school teacher) she was good at karate because her granddad toughened her up by hitting her on the legs with a big stick! 🤦‍♀️ She never got SS at the door and I doubt you will either!

Get her dad to talk to her about telling lies. But if she says it again ignore her and tell. Warn anyone who is coming to your house in advance to ignore her as well.