Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this funny?

227 replies

Whatthough · 03/01/2023 16:31

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

OP posts:
Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:50

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 17:40

Nope, I'd still be saying that using humiliation and shame as a parenting technique is evidence that you're a shit parent.

Show quote history

Nope, don’t believe you.

been and done it. · 03/01/2023 17:52

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

You took the words out of my mouth there

Cherrysoup · 03/01/2023 17:52

Whatthough · 03/01/2023 17:02

Yes she just doubles down on the 'joke' "but you do hahaha".

Honestly I'm starting to really dislike being around the little madam.

Show quote history

Send her out, take her devices. She needs to stop this, pronto. Why is your Dh not punishing her?

ilovesushi · 03/01/2023 17:52

It's rude, insulting and potentially damaging to you. There is no humour in it. It completely crosses a line. I would find it completely unacceptable and want it stopped immediately. Laughing it off or minimising it is clearly not helping. What does your DH say? I'm sorry you are having to put up with this.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 03/01/2023 17:52

BritAbroad101 · 03/01/2023 16:33

If you’ve reacted like it winds you up then obviously she’ll say it more! That’s how jokes work.

That's really not how jokes work. That's how men get aay with all sorts by calling it banter or jokes

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 03/01/2023 17:52

Bloody hell, I can’t believe people are advising you to humiliate a child in return. By all means, be firm and explain that it isn’t true and that it makes you uncomfortable. Or speak to your DH or her mum and let them decide how to handle it.

Any parent using such cruel tactics and calling it discipline would be out of line and as a step mother, you’ll just make yourself the villian. I would be fuming if my daughter reported that her dad’s wife had said that to her. Tough that you don’t like her, she’s a child and you’re an adult who chose to marry her father.

gamerchick · 03/01/2023 17:56

I wouldn't humiliate her in the way people are suggesting, I'd tell her to stop lying or leave the room, if she does it again I'd raise my voice and order her out and to stay out until she apologised. That will show her up and enforce a boundary

Tbh it's your bloke who's the problem here.

Echobelly · 03/01/2023 17:59

I think your husband needs to have a word and tell her that saying things like that could have a serious impact on you if people around her get the impression you're a heavy drinker and the 'joke' has had its day.

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/01/2023 18:01

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

This is genius.
Wink at her when you say it: "One fib deserves another... Hmm, what else can I fib about?" She'll soon shut up.
Definitely isn't funny.

NotQuiteHere · 03/01/2023 18:01

If these people come to your house, they should know you well enough not to believe the 10 year old. You should not be so wound up, it is not about you. Focus on teaching her not to lie instead.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/01/2023 18:01

How fucking weird that people would resort and think its funny to try and humiliate a 10 year old girl by saying she wets the bed. She needs guidance and her Dad needs to speak to her to see whats going on. Like I asked upthread, has this come from her Mum, its classic, if Mum and step mum dont get on, she is parroting.

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 18:03

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/01/2023 18:01

This is genius.
Wink at her when you say it: "One fib deserves another... Hmm, what else can I fib about?" She'll soon shut up.
Definitely isn't funny.

Show quote history

It's not genius, it's bordering on abusive.

5128gap · 03/01/2023 18:03

Stern face, icy tone 'Please don't tell lies DSD. You're too old for that behaviour and it isn't amusing'
Tell your DH he must support you as you take it very seriously.

OrlaCarmichael · 03/01/2023 18:05

Hope your husband sorts this out.

Is it the first time she’s tried anything like this with you?

Agree with a couple of posters that it’s a slightly odd thing for a 10 year old to pick up on, especially as it’s not true about you. If she’s seeing this in another adult, enough to notice, this would be an age appropriate ‘message’ to others in her life

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 18:05

Anisina · 03/01/2023 17:36

I'm sure the threat of being humiliated made them the well adjusted adults they are today.

Show quote history

I’ve never humiliated them or threatened to as they have never behaved like that but I don’t believe in tip toeing around children in case we hurt their feelings! I would imagine it would take one retort directly to her to shut her up! I hardly think she’d be in therapy for it. But, for the record, I think it’s the dh who should be dealing with this anyway as it’s his daughter and he needs to be firmer with her.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/01/2023 18:06

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 18:03

It's not genius, it's bordering on abusive.

Show quote history

I couldnt agree more! Its pathetic for an adult to even think of that shit, but to see others agree has really opened my eyes this evening tbh.

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 18:06

Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:50

Nope, don’t believe you.

Show quote history

Believe what you like but I stand by my original statement that using humiliation as a parenting technique is shit parenting. That applies to all adults whether they are step parents, biological parents, grandparents, and so on. Shaming a child as a means of "discipline" serves no purpose other than vindictive pleasure for the adult in feeling like they've scored a point. That's not good parenting, it's lazy and cruel.

OrlaCarmichael · 03/01/2023 18:08

Yeah not cool

Herejustforthisone · 03/01/2023 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 03/01/2023 18:10

I’d also echo what others have said in that maybe if you just see her at weekends etc when you often have a drink, it hasn’t occurred to her that you don’t do that every day? Kids don’t think in abstracts, they just see what’s in front of them.

I don’t drink and my DD would definitely notice if there was somebody who drank whenever she saw them, without necessarily understanding that it’s only on certain occasions. Maybe she just needs it genuinely pointing out to her? Kids often make ‘jokes’ about things that are bothering them.

JackieCollinsExistentialQuestionTime · 03/01/2023 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😮 How can you talk about a 10 year old like that?!

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 18:12

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 18:06

Believe what you like but I stand by my original statement that using humiliation as a parenting technique is shit parenting. That applies to all adults whether they are step parents, biological parents, grandparents, and so on. Shaming a child as a means of "discipline" serves no purpose other than vindictive pleasure for the adult in feeling like they've scored a point. That's not good parenting, it's lazy and cruel.

Show quote history

I agree and if people do use the threatening route about something very personal like bed wetting, their children may then be too worried to tell them anything serious or personal in the future for fear it may be exposed to others when they misbehave, just like the bed wetting was.

Quite disgusted by some of the posts on here tonight

Also the latest calling a 10 year old girl a little twat, how lovely

ToWhitToWhoo · 03/01/2023 18:12

I wouldn't threaten to humiliate her over 'bedwetting'; among other things, this could encourage her to humiliate others who have genuine continence problems.

I would be tempted, however, to threaten to impose some mild punishment because 'you cheated on a test' or 'fought with your friend at school'; and when she points out indignantly that she didn't, to reply 'just like I don't drink too much; now you see what it's like to be blamed for something you didn't do'.

If you don't have the sort of relationship where you can discipline her, then ask her father to deal with it- this is the sort of thing that could have negative consequences, which a child that age might not anticipate. Children who are not directly exposed to alcoholism can find the concept of grown-ups getting drunk very funny. At a similar age, although I never falsely accused anyone of excessive drinking (and my parents almost never drank at all, due to Methodist upbringing in one case and physiological intolerance to alcohol in the other), I thought it was very funny to pretend to be drunk, and to stagger about, repeating: 'I shee pink elephantsh! I shee pink elephantsh!'

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 18:13

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/01/2023 18:06

I couldnt agree more! Its pathetic for an adult to even think of that shit, but to see others agree has really opened my eyes this evening tbh.

Show quote history

I have been pretty shocked at how many parents think humiliating a child is funny.

MeridianB · 03/01/2023 18:14

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2023 16:34

I'd be reading the riot act to your husband because this isn't funny, at all. His child, he needs to put an end to this behaviour immediately.

This. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny and you shouldn’t have to sit back and ignore her repeating this to others until she gets bored.

You have a DH problem. Ask him how he’d feel if his DD repeatedly told people he didn’t ever shower, as a ‘joke’.