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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this funny?

227 replies

Whatthough · 03/01/2023 16:31

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

OP posts:
Fraine · 03/01/2023 16:52

Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2023 16:34

I'd be reading the riot act to your husband because this isn't funny, at all. His child, he needs to put an end to this behaviour immediately.

This, exactly. Tell DH coldly and calmly that you don’t find it funny and he needs to get her to stop, or it will affect your relationship with her.

He sounds a bit of a dick if he gets off on you being obliquely accused of being an alcoholic by his own child.

FurAndFeathers · 03/01/2023 16:53

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 16:50

Whatever you do, don't do this!

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@Headabovetheparakeet
Why?

to all those saying treat it as a joke - what if the SDD tells her mum/teacher that her SM drinks all day?

would you send your child for contact with a reported alcoholic in the home?

@Whatthough you need to explain to your DH that lies like this can be dangerous/trigger investigations and potentially, affect his contact whilst safeguarding risks are assessed. He needs to take a firm line on this

JanusTheFirst · 03/01/2023 16:54

Tell DH to speak to the bratty little madam.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 16:55

Have you asked her why?

SkylightSkylight · 03/01/2023 16:55

I'd be tempted to say

'It's the worry over you constantly wetting the bed driving me to drink'

or just send her to sit on the bottom of the stairs (no tech) for 10 minutes, Every Time, until she stops.

tell DH (Dick Head) it's NOT a joke. It's out of line & to stop indulging the little madam.

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 16:55

@FurAndFeathers

Because I don't think rumours of ops drinking would be avoided by her making mocktails with a child.

I'm not saying making a mocktail for a kid is wrong but I can't see how it communicates that op does not have a drinking problem.

MissyB1 · 03/01/2023 16:57

As pp said treat it like any other poor behaviour, one clear explanation and warning followed by a consequence. If your Dh doesn’t like it he can lump it.

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 16:57

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 16:55

@FurAndFeathers

Because I don't think rumours of ops drinking would be avoided by her making mocktails with a child.

I'm not saying making a mocktail for a kid is wrong but I can't see how it communicates that op does not have a drinking problem.

I agree.

Doing something nice together like making a fancy drink or snack and watching TV is all well and good but in the context of what this child is saying to people it could massively backfire - she could very easily yell people "SM likes a drink, she made me drink cocktails with her the other day".

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 03/01/2023 16:58

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 16:55

@FurAndFeathers

Because I don't think rumours of ops drinking would be avoided by her making mocktails with a child.

I'm not saying making a mocktail for a kid is wrong but I can't see how it communicates that op does not have a drinking problem.

Totally agree, it sends the wrong message completely. Imagine her going back to her mum/others and her telling them that the OP likes to make her pretend she’s drinking too 🙄

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:01

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 16:55

Have you asked her why?

Agreed. Just talk to her.

Original poster
Whatthough · 03/01/2023 17:01

That's the thing I don't find funny about it. I understand getting a rise can make children repeat things but the lie itself is something that could look really bad if said to the wrong person.

She sticks to it as well it's embarrassing. I've had friends I've not seen for a while come round and be told all I do is drink and if I say 'oh DSD stop being silly' she'll double down 'but she does, she's always drinking'. It's embarrassing and not funny at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthough · 03/01/2023 17:02

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:01

Agreed. Just talk to her.

Show quote history

Yes she just doubles down on the 'joke' "but you do hahaha".

Honestly I'm starting to really dislike being around the little madam.

OP posts:
Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 17:03

Do you think there's any chance that her mum may have suggested she say this, or is encouraging her to carry on?

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 17:04

Then you say "how often do you see me drinking, and how much, honestly?" Then you show her the max recommended alcohol intake for an adult and how far you are under that limit.

Original poster
Whatthough · 03/01/2023 17:04

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 17:03

Do you think there's any chance that her mum may have suggested she say this, or is encouraging her to carry on?

I don't know. I'm not her mum's biggest fan but this seems a bit much even for her.

OP posts:
MyOpinion1978 · 03/01/2023 17:05

I may be way off here, but if she stays with you at weekends is it possible that her perception is that you “drink all the time” because you have a few glasses on Friday and Saturday night? If she never sees you on alcohol free days then it’s understandable that she thinks you are always drinking. Does she really think it’s a “joke”? If a kid only ever stayed at my house on a Friday night they’d definitely think I was an alki 😂

Headabovetheparakeet · 03/01/2023 17:06

In that case I think I would insist that her dad handle this and make sure he takes it seriously.

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:07

MyOpinion1978 · 03/01/2023 17:05

I may be way off here, but if she stays with you at weekends is it possible that her perception is that you “drink all the time” because you have a few glasses on Friday and Saturday night? If she never sees you on alcohol free days then it’s understandable that she thinks you are always drinking. Does she really think it’s a “joke”? If a kid only ever stayed at my house on a Friday night they’d definitely think I was an alki 😂

Good point. Maybe this is what she sees.

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:10

Why are some posters suggesting bet wetting/ peeing herself as a threatening comeback? That's really awful

You're rising to it op and she's getting the attention she's looking for. I would personally completely ignore her everytime she said it to me or anyone else. Do not react, not even rolling of the eyes, just pretend you didnt even hear it and then walk away or change the subject immediately.

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 17:11

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

Now that is an excellent response 😁

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 17:12

It worries me that a lot of people here seem to think deliberate humiliation is an acceptable way to (step) parent a child. Who hurt you that you'd think it's acceptable to do that to a child?

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 17:13

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:10

Why are some posters suggesting bet wetting/ peeing herself as a threatening comeback? That's really awful

You're rising to it op and she's getting the attention she's looking for. I would personally completely ignore her everytime she said it to me or anyone else. Do not react, not even rolling of the eyes, just pretend you didnt even hear it and then walk away or change the subject immediately.

I think it’s a good response to say yes she has a drink every time ‘madam’ wets the bed. No wonder kids are such brats today no one wants to put them in their place!

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:15

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 17:12

It worries me that a lot of people here seem to think deliberate humiliation is an acceptable way to (step) parent a child. Who hurt you that you'd think it's acceptable to do that to a child?

I agree, it is shitty parenting.

Juts talk to the girl and ask her why she says this. She may genuinely think you do drink a lot.

Snoopystick · 03/01/2023 17:16

DerekFaker · 03/01/2023 16:51

How do think that would resolve the situation at all? And making a 10 year old even a 'micktail' is sending confusing messages imo.

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Probably would not be the way to go after reading the other comments which I have taken onboard. Was just thinking that it may be a positive activity and divert the girl’s negative comments which may be from her seeking attention. Anyway all feel free to ignore my not so sage advice lol

whiteroseredrose · 03/01/2023 17:17

I was going to say the equivalent of 'when you wet the bed' too.

She will only understand how it feels if the same is done to her

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