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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not find this funny?

227 replies

Whatthough · 03/01/2023 16:31

My husband has a daughter who is 10.

Recently she has started telling literally everyone who comes to our house that I drink all the time (variations of that sort of thing).

The thing is I genuinely hand on heart do not. No more than any other person maybe a glass of wine on the weekend or something but I really do not drink much at all.

I don't know why it's started but she seems to think it's hilarious. I've told her not to say it a few times now but honestly it's starting to piss me off now. She said it to my mum earlier again.

AIBU to get mad if it's said again seen as asking nicely doesn't get me anywhere? DH just thinks it's a joke. Not a funny one. And as awful as it sounds it's just starting to make me dislike her.

OP posts:
Tinner01 · 03/01/2023 17:18

I agree, it’s one of those “jokes” children tell which people laugh at but then whisper concernedly about to each other after leaving…

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 03/01/2023 17:18

Tell dh. That's ok because soon she will say it to the wrong person and either school, her mother or social services will be involved because they will believe she is with an alcoholic. So he either nips it in the bud or he could potentially have a big problem and lose contact over a 'joke'. He needs to sort it though. Every time she says it say to her, "we have talked about telling lies, this is very unkind. You wouldn't want me making up something about you and telling everyone. Would that be funny? " and then add " I don't want other people thinking you are a liar as you will lose peoples trust and friendship."

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 03/01/2023 17:19

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

Haha that's pretty good!

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:19

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 17:13

I think it’s a good response to say yes she has a drink every time ‘madam’ wets the bed. No wonder kids are such brats today no one wants to put them in their place!

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You shouldn't shame children for wetting the bed, that's really shitty parenting

Roundabout78 · 03/01/2023 17:19

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:19

You shouldn't shame children for wetting the bed, that's really shitty parenting

Show quote history

But she doesn’t wet the bed. It’s a good way of conveying how it’s embarrassing when someone lies about you.

Blueborage · 03/01/2023 17:20

This sort of lie has potentially serious consequences. I even know of one woman who was accused of seeking painkillers for non-pain related purposes after the idiot GP listened to some gossip peddled third hand to his wife about the woman having a drinking problem. Goodness knows about the trouble it could cause for you at work.

Don't demean yourself with tit for tat about bedwetting. Simply tell your husband she can't be in the house till he has dealt with this problem. It is his daughter and his problem. She sounds so vile anyway, I'd probably leave him rather than put up with the demon spawn.

Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:20

whiteroseredrose · 03/01/2023 17:17

I was going to say the equivalent of 'when you wet the bed' too.

She will only understand how it feels if the same is done to her

Agreed. If she and her twat dad find it funny, then this is fair game.

And do it to DH too. Tell him he farts all day.

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 17:21

whiteroseredrose · 03/01/2023 17:17

I was going to say the equivalent of 'when you wet the bed' too.

She will only understand how it feels if the same is done to her

No, she won't.

She'll learn that it's okay to make other people feel like shit if it's suits your purposes.

By the time she's an adult, she won't particularly remember saying OP is a drinker beyond a vague "I used to make rubbish jokes" but she will remember someone who is supposed to be a trusted adult humiliating her on purpose.

Using shame, embarassment, and humiliation as parenting techniques is shit and emotionally abusive.

Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:21

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:19

You shouldn't shame children for wetting the bed, that's really shitty parenting

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No one is wetting the bed though. It’s shitty to allow a child to bully anyone.

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:21

Roundabout78 · 03/01/2023 17:19

But she doesn’t wet the bed. It’s a good way of conveying how it’s embarrassing when someone lies about you.

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It doesn't matter if she does or not

As an adult I can brush off some stupid embarrassing fib being said about me by a child

A child could be really affected by being embarrassed by something like bed wetting

It's quite pathetic that any parent would resort to that

Lullabies2Paralyze · 03/01/2023 17:22

It sounds like she’s getting the joke from somewhere else, I’d say her mam or someone from her mams side of the family.

maybe her mam actually drinks all the time?
is she actually implying alcoholic drink or just saying drinks all the time….my mam drank all the time when I was a kid, but it was cups of tea …but as a child I could easily have said she’s always drinking not realising it implied alcoholic

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/01/2023 17:22

If I were you, @Whatthough, I’d challenge it every time. Whenever she says it, you reply along these lines:

”You know that is a lie, dsd - so why do you keep saying it? Is it meant to be a joke, because I don’t think it is funny at all. Would you laugh if I told a nasty lie about you?” Do it calmly and without anger, but firmly.

Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:22

Iam4eels · 03/01/2023 17:21

No, she won't.

She'll learn that it's okay to make other people feel like shit if it's suits your purposes.

By the time she's an adult, she won't particularly remember saying OP is a drinker beyond a vague "I used to make rubbish jokes" but she will remember someone who is supposed to be a trusted adult humiliating her on purpose.

Using shame, embarassment, and humiliation as parenting techniques is shit and emotionally abusive.

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What an exaggeration. Consequences are a part of life and she will know the wetting comment is a response to the alcoholism accusations,

ChimpMcGarvey · 03/01/2023 17:23

She’s been asked to stop and she hasn’t stopped.

The wet the bed comment is a brilliant way of showing her that lies aren’t funny, and jokes are only hilarious when the other person is laughing too. I would give that reply every time.

Otherwise she’ll grow up to be one of those twats that is nasty but calls it “banter”.

Rustyhandlebars · 03/01/2023 17:23

Say,
But at least I don't pick my nose!

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:24

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/01/2023 17:22

If I were you, @Whatthough, I’d challenge it every time. Whenever she says it, you reply along these lines:

”You know that is a lie, dsd - so why do you keep saying it? Is it meant to be a joke, because I don’t think it is funny at all. Would you laugh if I told a nasty lie about you?” Do it calmly and without anger, but firmly.

But is it a lie? Why make that assumption?

Talk to her OP. She may think you do drink all the time.
My mum was virtually teetotal and someone else drinking every weekend would have been a hell of a lot to 10 year old me.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 17:25

I wouldn’t bother making any super witty bed wetting comments back. I’d just say ‘DSD stop telling lies please, you’ve been told about this and you know it isn’t clever or funny.’ If she continues I’d ask her to leave the room as you don’t find her lies funny and she isn’t joining the conversation properly. If it continues after that I’d speak to her father and he can impose docked pocket money or screen time or whatever parenting he usually does.

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:26

And I too am alarmed at those who think humiliating a 10 year old child is a good way to go.
Humiliation of this type is a powerplay. It is meant to put her down and make her feel very small. If a stepmum had said that to me I would have refused to go back to the house.

TidyDancer · 03/01/2023 17:26

ChimpMcGarvey · 03/01/2023 17:23

She’s been asked to stop and she hasn’t stopped.

The wet the bed comment is a brilliant way of showing her that lies aren’t funny, and jokes are only hilarious when the other person is laughing too. I would give that reply every time.

Otherwise she’ll grow up to be one of those twats that is nasty but calls it “banter”.

I broadly agree with this tbh.

She needs to understand there are consequences for poor behaviour and when she's already been told she's out of line and continues with it there has to be an escalation in how she's dealt with.

I'd perhaps give your DH one further chance to deal with this and if it continues then the bed wetting 'joke' is a decent plan b.

Anisina · 03/01/2023 17:26

She's 10. WTF at people suggesting you tell people she wets the bed. How fucking pathetic.

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 17:27

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 17:19

You shouldn't shame children for wetting the bed, that's really shitty parenting

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It’s also a shifty thing that this kid is doing. I wet the bed till I was about six or even seven (or may be even older). Enough of pussy footing around children’s brattish behaviour!

newnamequickly · 03/01/2023 17:27

illiterato · 03/01/2023 16:36

Say “yup, one glass every time you wet the bed”.

This. It shares the embarrassment equally, especially as neither are true.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 03/01/2023 17:27

The girl is a child but your DH certainly isn't and he's condoning it and backing her up that it's funny! No wonder she isn't stopping, it's a nice little number playing you and him off each other. She might not be being malicious but she's enjoying her crumb of power and he's a knob for letting her. He's the problem here. You can have all the chats or witty come backs you like but while he's got her back on this you're going to get nowhere!

SugarNspices · 03/01/2023 17:28

My son started doing this when we had dinner guests over a few different times because they laughed at the it (really exaggerating story, my mum drinks a pint of whisky every meal time) and because he was getting attention, he kept doing it.

I just told him off in the end and warned him before guests or family arrived . It's not nice to tell lies about someone, would you like it if I made up some crazy embrassing story about him? and he soon stopped knowing he get his privileges removed if he did it again.

Fraine · 03/01/2023 17:28

BradfordGirl · 03/01/2023 17:24

But is it a lie? Why make that assumption?

Talk to her OP. She may think you do drink all the time.
My mum was virtually teetotal and someone else drinking every weekend would have been a hell of a lot to 10 year old me.

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Why have you extrapolated ONE glass of wine on some weekends into ‘drinking every weekend’?

What is your agenda, to shame women?