To stick to designated day off?

[HandbagsnGladrags]

Am early 50's and work in a mid senior high pressure role in financial services. I've just dropped to a 4 day working week and taken a 20% pay cut. There was initially some resistance to me dropping my hours but I eventually got agreement. I've asked for the same day off each week and that was agreed.

Here's the dilemma - on only my second week of the new working pattern, one of my colleagues who was resistant to my drop in hours has put in an overnight stay which would mean me either travelling back home on my day off, or swapping my day off that week.

I don't want to start agreeing to swap days all the time as the whole point of me dropping my hours was to give me a better work life balance and be able to plan things for my non working day. WIBU to say that my day off is my day off and not be chopping and changing all of the time?

Irritating, as it reads from your OP that your colleague has done this on purpose.

Would such an overnight ever happen on a Friday? (in which case eating into personal time on a Saturday would be normal)

Assuming not, it looks like you have 2 options - refuse to go, or change your day off and say this is a once off and you won’t do it again (as you have to rearrange other personal plans)

I work part time but regularly change my non working day depending on both work needs and my social life/children's activities. I love it as it means I have to use less annual leave to do things during the week. I don't think you're unreasonable to push back though if the flexibility isn't something that would benefit you too.

Definitely a power play by your colleague. It is all about how others in the workplace see you - that's what he's attacking (because that's what gives you status and power) and that's what you need to fight back over.

You need to control the narrative. You'll know better than us what will play in your workplace: quiet word with manager pointing out that this is probably deliberate, jokey comment to him in front of people, declining meetings on your NWD, optionally telling everyone why in a reply-all.

In this situation, would it work for you to leave straight after the client meetings, and not stay for the socialising and overnight? That could possibly play quite well - showing your commitment to the actual work (the meeting) - just unfortunately you can't stay for the night out. It also means that you effectively call out his behaviour to your colleagues without ever having to mention it - since it will be obvious.

I'd probably not tell him you were going home that night until you set off, but do tell most other people before-hand in passing (not mentioning that he's working against you, just that you can't stay overnight because Friday is your NWD. What a shame, since it's always fun to go out a a team. But it is what it is). Then if he tries to comment when you leave, everyone else already knows and is on-board with you going, and he looks a bit daft for not knowing and making a fuss.

Stick to your designated day off. People who aren't part-time don't always realise that your non-working day is the same as their weekend - would the same person have scheduled themselves in for a Friday overnight stay when they weren't working the Saturday?

I had this a lot in a previous job - constant requests to join Teams meetings on my day off, etc. In hindsight it really was completely out of order, but it's easy to feel like you should do things just to help out.

A lot of women find that once they turn 50, they really have to assert themselves to not get rode over, roughshod, especially against younger male colleagues, who like the OP's seem to insert themselves as senior. OP you've taken a pay cut for this, don't have it taken off you by a colleague who is trying to fake being boss in the hope that he will be.

How much autonomy do you have, no doubt that this colleague is undermining you by putting these appointments in but if he keeps doing this could he cause you to lose work or contacts?

He is manipulating you but only you know the dynamics of your business and whether you will need to be flexible with your day off. If you don’t need that flexibility then make the stand now. Block the day as non working, refuse the second appointment and then give apologies for the overnighter with the reason being that although you previously agreed you now realise that the meeting can go ahead without you and it’s your non working day.

If you do need flexibility I think management will have to agree that nothing is booked for you without prior discussion but you still need to block that day, with the argument that it will be easier for everyone else and the office if it’s the same day every week.

Having reduced to 4 days myself I would definitely stick to your non working day. Once your new pattern of work is established then you could consider being more flexible. If you swop your days so soon, I thinonit will be taken for granted that you always will.

I am in a senior role and have worked both part time and compressed hours. I think that some flex is required and there is also a danger of missing key meetings etc

However i would be clear that you will take another day in.lieu (could be anytime not the same week)- book it in your diary now as leave and make sure your line manager is aware and why this has been necessary

Remind the colleague who is putting items in your diary that they need to check your availability as you have other meetings and obligations - what would he do if you were on holiday or on a course?

Make sure you update your calendar and working week to show you are unavailable

It can be done but takes discipline at both ends abd flex when really needed

In that case you can either say I agreed this once but not again and please don’t ask me unless it is an emergency.
Or you can say that you hadn’t realised other people were going and could deal with it, so ad you won’t actually be needed you won’t swop your contracted day off.

Next time it happens, and it will, just bounce it straight back.
I don’t work on x days
That doesn’t work for me
My days of work are xxxx not x

Oh, and if he says that you'd agreed to change your NWD and you've gone back on it, look surprised and say that you did find a way to attend the meetings he'd arranged on the other side of the country the day before your NWD. What's he talking about?

Slightly quizzical 'don't be ridiculous' if he continues.

OP I have been there and I'm not surprised to see it's a male colleague. He probably didn't even think about it.

Stick to your guns from the outset.

The next time someone invites you to a meeting that infringes on a day you are not working, decline and suggest an alternative.

Do you have shared calendars? Block those days out.

You could also add to your email signature "My working days are ..." (although I find that a bit annoying, irrationally!)

Is the jolly somewhere nice @HandbagsnGladrags ?

If so would it piss on his chips if you went and enjoyed a day out the next day in the nice place?

I dropped to 4 days in my previous job (because I was looking to leave, and they incentivised us financially to do this). My boss behaved abysmally, regularly expecting me to work 5 days. Be rigid or they will take the piss in the same way.

I made it clear what the law was to her and left not too long after!

I agree with this. The day off is just for you so theoretically you can be flexible with this. Providing its not a constant ask then if you are flexible with them it will hopefully give you the option of flexibility when you need it too. I had this in my old job. I was sometimes asked to swap my day to accommodate training sessions etc but then there were times where I wanted a long weekend instead of Wednesday off and my manager was always happy to let me do this.

Could you work the extra day then have 2 days off next week instead? That might be something to look forward to in bleak old January?

Stick to your day off and remind everyone that doing so means certainty for everyone. State it in your email signature too and always set out of office on for that day.

@DisforDarkChocolate nah nowhere exciting and the actual event is something I'm not arsed about. Think male orientated thing with no thought for the women involved who are going. God it's sounding worse the more I talk about it.

Anyway the deed is done. Have emailed stating I'm no longer able to change my non-working day that week as something has come up. Arsehole colleague can do one.

It doesn't matter why you had a flexible working agreement to do 4 days put in place. Just because its for you its no less important than if you're looking after children. So no it doesn't mean you can be flexible if you want to especially as your salary reflects the time you now work.

Your mistake was to initially agree to flex it. What's done is done, it will look like you flip flop if you now change your mind. Just get through it but going forward don't do it again.

Well done for making a stand. It's written into your contract, so that's why you're inflexible. He's just trying to make life hard for you. Ignore him, ultimately he is powerless and he will be frustrated in his puny efforts.

Just be firm and say they have to rearrange the event or you won’t be able to attend. Every single time. They will soon get it.

Are you able to block calendar entries in your calendar for the non working day?

OP I have every Monday off - for me, not for childcare. My mental health suffered greatly in 2020-21 and we waited 10 months for a full-time nursery place so I could have a break. Everyone assumed, without asking, that I would be working full time. But I’ve kept the day off. I have had to put up with comments from family along the lines of ‘but why would you lose a full day with your child? Once they are at school you’ll never get that time with them again!’ Making me feel like a shit selfish mum… and, to begin with almost all of my clients and colleagues continued to email me on a Monday…

But I stuck to my guns and politely reminded everyone that I was off and unreachable and I never replied to work emails on Mondays. Now I don’t get any Monday work emails.

Stick to your guns 100%

OP going forward, make sure you mark out from 5pm on Thursdays (or whatever time is appropriate) in your diary as 'no external events / overnight stays / whatever'. At least that way it's clear that you are not free to do anything on that evening without someone at least checking with you!

There's no chance in hell that I won't get Friday emails, but that's fine as long as they don't expect a response that day.

You aren't inflexible, you just have new contract terms for which you have taken a 20% pay drop. Keep reminding your arsey colleague that he is "forgetting" the days you are contracted to work, but hopefully he will get used to the change very soon.