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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stick to designated day off?

235 replies

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 06:54

Am early 50's and work in a mid senior high pressure role in financial services. I've just dropped to a 4 day working week and taken a 20% pay cut. There was initially some resistance to me dropping my hours but I eventually got agreement. I've asked for the same day off each week and that was agreed.

Here's the dilemma - on only my second week of the new working pattern, one of my colleagues who was resistant to my drop in hours has put in an overnight stay which would mean me either travelling back home on my day off, or swapping my day off that week.

I don't want to start agreeing to swap days all the time as the whole point of me dropping my hours was to give me a better work life balance and be able to plan things for my non working day. WIBU to say that my day off is my day off and not be chopping and changing all of the time?

OP posts:
Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:34

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 10:32

Who has been attending the Thursday night event all this time? If not you and if you don’t want to take it on now, just decline as Friday is a NWD. The arse/misogynist can try someone else when he overbooks himself. But it might be easier if you have an ironclad excuse the first few times (I am not saying this is right).

I have. I've only just dropped my hours.

OP posts:
EndlessRain1 · 04/01/2023 10:39

Are these client events? Are many people involved? I do think it's a tad problematic if they have always been a Thursday (presumably convenient for people as they then travel back Friday/ it's the end of the week) and you suddenly want everyone involved to change it due to your change in work hours. That's not to say that is should always be a Thursday, but many people won't want to go out a Monday night as it's disruptive to their week just because you want to go part time....

rookiemere · 04/01/2023 10:42

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:33

@rookiemere I agree however there are already two scheduled for January which is ridiculous.

Ah seems deliberate then, be careful you aren't walking into a trap.
I'd be asking why these are so frequent ( presumably they are costly with the loss in productive hours through travel and actual event costs) and suggesting a less frequent pattern " to maximise value for everyone ".

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 10:50

Sadly I think you need to be careful, OP.

You should not need to attend, from what. I can see, but it is a big request to ask for a longstanding arrangement to change to accommodate the fact that you’ve chosen to go PT

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 10:52

@rookiemere ’s idea for meeting somewhat less frequently to maximise value sounds good. I do think you need to be careful

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:55

To be clear, there's no good reason why these things can't be on a Weds for example. It's just that traditionally they've more often than not been on a Thursday. And if it was only every 3 months then I wouldn't have a problem in swapping days around. I don't expect the world to revolve around me. But will play it by ear.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 04/01/2023 11:01

It's more acceptable to be hungover at work on a Friday than a Tuesday. That's why they're on Thursdays.

But if they are usually Thursdays, they could argue you knew that and should have chosen Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday as your non-working day.

EndlessRain1 · 04/01/2023 11:06

There is good reason though I presume? Friday is normally a queiter day, so if you are going to be travelling/ tried/ hungover it's a lot less disruptive to the working week for that to happen on a Friday.

Eddielizzard · 04/01/2023 11:23

IME these client piss ups are done on a Thursday night as Friday is seen as an 'easy' day. I can't see people being happy to entertain, both clients and you, on a Monday / Tuesday / Weds night.

Missing out on these entertainment evenings is a problem longer term. You're not really building up a client relationship, and it gives your arsehole colleague ammunition. I can see him saying 'oh handbags cba to come tonight. She doesn't value you as much as I do blah blah blah'.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 11:58

They have been done on other days in the past as well, it's not a complete precedent.

Anyhoo, we'll see what happens.

OP posts:
kegofcoffee · 04/01/2023 12:02

Sorry, but in my experience these things are pretty much always on a Thursday night. And you can't expect Thursday nights to be ruled out when it's the night that works best for everyone else, including the client.

So you either need switch your day off, travel on your day off, or be willing to miss the events.

Its hard to day without knowing the company culture, pay, frequency of events, your contract, how much of the 2.5hour is standard commute time. But personally I'd either just suck it up, or switch my day off to a Monday permanently.

Asking for 2-3hours in lieu for travel/commute seems a bit cheeky if it's not a done thing. For example, if someone has to get up a 5am to get a flight on a work day I'm assuming they don't get this time back.

EndlessRain1 · 04/01/2023 12:03

Another thing to note is that it's very difficult to keep your foot in the game in the same way part time. Part of being part time is accepting that. As you say, you can't expect everyone to accomodate you which means you'll either need to adapt or miss out on occasssion. That can be tricky when you are used to things being different. It can make you a bit defensive too (speaking from my own experience!). You will need to take some time to work out wat works for you and what your priorities are, but you will get there!

AlisonDonut · 04/01/2023 12:05

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:20

Yeah, agree. My worry is that evening events like this have always been done on a Thursday (away from home). That needs to change. But I don't want him arguing that I can't do my job if I can't do Thursday overnights. (There's no good reason why they can't be done on another night, btw).

If this is the case then maybe you need to change to a Monday rather than a Friday. It is fine for you to go to the 4 days but if you are expecting everyone else's plans to change then that makes it harder to manage.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 16:01

There are other reasons for not having a Monday, which I won't go into. As I said, I'm not expecting the world to revolve around me but a little flexibility both ways wouldn't hurt.

OP posts:
EndlessRain1 · 04/01/2023 16:05

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 16:01

There are other reasons for not having a Monday, which I won't go into. As I said, I'm not expecting the world to revolve around me but a little flexibility both ways wouldn't hurt.

I thought you weren't planning on showing any flexibility though?

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 16:13

Any changes will need to work for everyone, OP, unless you are the senior attendee. In the real, sexist world of work a woman asking for changes to accommodate her new PT timetable runs the risk of looking like a prima donna. Fewer meetings to maximise resources seems sound, however.

A few posts back were you not thinking of letting this activity go to someone else?

LlynTegid · 04/01/2023 17:05

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 11:57

The out of office will definitely be on, and my diary is already blocked out every Friday. Can't decide whether the email signature will piss people off.

Show quote history

My email signature is unchanged, I don't quote my working hours (or personal pronouns or the message about not expecting a reply outside normal working hours [or whatever the trendy one from someone claiming to respect so-called work-life balance is, which usually comes from those who don't])

rookiemere · 04/01/2023 17:12

@LlynTegid I see showing my working hours as a courtesy so that people aren't waiting for an urgent reply that won't come.
Vastly different from stating pronouns which have no practical use whatsoever.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 17:15

A few posts back were you not thinking of letting this activity go to someone else?

I'm still not going to the next week jolly - I'm one of a few invited. But I am going to the work bit. Which is in my working hours.

I don't mind showing some flexibility, but not in my second week of the new arrangement and certainly not twice a month - it needs to be the exception rather than the rule.

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 18:08

I think it is fine that your flexibility be the exception, OP. I just think there may need to be other options than demanding everyone else change their timetable twice a month for you, in your own best interest. Unless you are the senior attendee, and possibly even then

springerspanielpuppy · 04/01/2023 20:16

We always do these type of things on a Thursday evening because the travel home is Friday and it often means that's us finished for the weekend. A late night, a late breakfast, check out and travel home. It's just convenient, not essential, and it puts every one in a better mood.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 20:38

springerspanielpuppy · 04/01/2023 20:16

We always do these type of things on a Thursday evening because the travel home is Friday and it often means that's us finished for the weekend. A late night, a late breakfast, check out and travel home. It's just convenient, not essential, and it puts every one in a better mood.

I wish that were the case for me. I travel home and then start my day's work.

OP posts:
Siezethefish · 04/01/2023 20:41

I work a 4 day week. If I have to work on my day off, I just take a day off in lieu when it suits. Means I get loads more leave.

XanaduKira · 04/01/2023 22:11

Given your updates, I'm surprised they let you take Friday as a non working day if these socials are integral to the role and generally happen on a Thursday evening.

That does make you seem a lot less flexible IMHO. Where I work, you'd have been able to drop to 4 days, but they wouldn't have allowed a Friday but rather a Monday - Wednesday instead, so that it didn't impinge on the work required socials.

I hope it works out ok for you though. Good luck.

Ginger1982 · 04/01/2023 22:16

XanaduKira · 04/01/2023 22:11

Given your updates, I'm surprised they let you take Friday as a non working day if these socials are integral to the role and generally happen on a Thursday evening.

That does make you seem a lot less flexible IMHO. Where I work, you'd have been able to drop to 4 days, but they wouldn't have allowed a Friday but rather a Monday - Wednesday instead, so that it didn't impinge on the work required socials.

I hope it works out ok for you though. Good luck.

But presumably they didn't have to agree to a Friday? They could have said no. It seems a bit unfair to agree and then not be happy that it impacts on certain work issues.