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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stick to designated day off?

235 replies

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 06:54

Am early 50's and work in a mid senior high pressure role in financial services. I've just dropped to a 4 day working week and taken a 20% pay cut. There was initially some resistance to me dropping my hours but I eventually got agreement. I've asked for the same day off each week and that was agreed.

Here's the dilemma - on only my second week of the new working pattern, one of my colleagues who was resistant to my drop in hours has put in an overnight stay which would mean me either travelling back home on my day off, or swapping my day off that week.

I don't want to start agreeing to swap days all the time as the whole point of me dropping my hours was to give me a better work life balance and be able to plan things for my non working day. WIBU to say that my day off is my day off and not be chopping and changing all of the time?

OP posts:
Princessglittery · 03/01/2023 08:15

Definitely block out your calendar with NWD.

rookiemere · 03/01/2023 08:15

I had a mentor a few years ago as I was struggling to put boundaries in place for my working hours, and had even taken a grade drop to allow it to work as DS was younger then.

She suggested renaming it to my Non Paid Day to focus the mind about accepting meetings then.

Luckily I don't have many arse colleagues at the minute, but I do remember one who put a daily call in the morning at exactly the time I was doing drop off.

These days I care less - helps that I have no desire to progress to the next grade. If it's something very important I will try to attend, if its not then I don't. My diary is blocked out for my NWD and it helps that lots of people in our area have flexible arrangements now.

Fundays12 · 03/01/2023 08:16

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 06:59

Yes it is. I guess I just feel a bit of guilt and an obligation to be flexible because there was some resistance to the change. But I'm taking a 20% pay cut so why the hell shouldn't I get my agreed day off.

Show quote history

If it’s in your contract they can’t make you work on it. It’s your colleagues issue not yours. They shouldn’t be booking you into work events on your day off. You wouldn’t expect a colleague to book someone who worked mon to fri into an event that finishes on a sat so don’t let them do it to you. Point out it’s your day off and they need to reschedule it. If they persist with it get HR to explain to them contractually you are not working

Brefugee · 03/01/2023 08:17

The key is to do it cheerfully though. 'Oh, sorry, I saw you tried to schedule me for X event, that won't work, I have an engagement on the [date], that's a weekend day for me.'

good reply, except i wouldn't blather about having an engagement, just "that's a NWD for me, it will need to b e rescheduled"
Love NWD - I'm so going to use that.

YoungForestElephant · 03/01/2023 08:18

Take the stand. I am also in financial services and understand how pressured and political it can be. After many years of bending over backwards to appease others I have come to the realisation it is not ultimately recognised, appreciated or worth it. If your face no longer fit you would be straight out the door and remembered only when they needed a scapegoat to blame future mistakes on.

It is hard but you have to be comfortable to let things fail. Don't go to the event. Don't engage in long discussions about it or try to justify it. You say, 'Oh ok - just remember I am off Friday so won't be going to that event, hope it goes well'

If you start changing your agreed day now, they will continue take the piss and you will end up basically working full time but paid less.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 08:18

@rookiemere oh I have no desire to get promoted beyond where I am now. But I don't want to end up in the next round of redundancies because I'm labelled as inflexible. That's my only concern.

OP posts:
OvertiredandConfused · 03/01/2023 08:19

Two of my direct reports (both directors) work four day weeks with a (different) fixed day off. Once or twice a year, with lots of notice, I have to ask if they would mind either switching their non-working day or working an extra day (that will be paid - their choice). I wouldn’t dream of doing this if it was avoidable. Because it’s rare and because I actively support and protect their usual working pattern, they are usually happy to oblige. Don’t get dragged into any other arrangement. And make sure you are working four days, not doing five days work in four.

DDivaStar · 03/01/2023 08:19

olympicsrock · 03/01/2023 07:09

I think I would email the colleague reminding them of your day off and asking if the days of the trip can be swapped?
If not I would agree to swap the day off. Flexibility in a senior role can be good for all but it has to be balanced. Ask them to please try not to book things into this time in the future without checking with you first if it is possible.

This.

When you say you're not swapping your day off do you mean you will just not attend the overnight event ? Is this going to be an issue? In a senior role I would expect some flexibility.

Canuck48 · 03/01/2023 08:24

So, a week in and your co-worker has tried to change your day off twice! Nope, wouldn’t do it. Maybe as a one off here and there but as a regular thing, nope.

He is taking the piss and I think it’s safe to assume he is the one who was against you going on this schedule. He is out to sabotage you and try and show that your new schedule won’t work It is actually just him being a complete and utter asshole.

Be aware. Flexible when absolutely needed but not taken advantage off. Maybe give your manager a heads up if you have that sort of relationship ie casual talk about co-worker and his requests so early and no need to react but how weird of him… hint, nudge, wink,

echt · 03/01/2023 08:25

I was a union rep for aeons and saw time after time, and I mean EVERY time employees who were flexible get fucked over. It doesn't mean don't be flexible, but being flexible means zip. It won't save you. They do what they do.

LittleDisaster · 03/01/2023 08:27

I do think there's a fine line. You've managed to argue they can manage without you one day per week. You don't want to get to a place where they don't need or want you at all.

It obviously wasn't an attractive arrangement for everyone (albeit agreed and contracted) so I do think you have to take some responsibility for "proving" it can work for everyone.

When I worked PT for childcare reasons, I would move with enough notice and for something important either to the business or for my career development (also fairly senior in financial services). Having since been the FT worker having to work around PT colleagues, it is a pain and the easy response from employers is just to say no it doesnt work for us.

I'm currently thinking of asking for a similar arrangement. Recognising that sometimes it may suit me to move my days (for a 4 day weekend for example) I plan to be flexible where I can, but also to have lots of booked plans, so with short notice I'll be unable to change.

gogohmm · 03/01/2023 08:29

The issue with being firm as some are suggesting, is that the meeting isn't internal - the client, business associate or whoever also is diarising around their schedule. Dp often is overseas and tries not to book Monday meetings (he doesn't want to travel on a Sunday) but his two biggest clients seem to only be willing to do 8am Monday (go figure!)

Senior roles need to be very flexible unfortunately, I would stick to having a day off but accept it might change frequently

rookiemere · 03/01/2023 08:31

I think you need to play this carefully.
As you're senior I would be hesitant to bring it up with your manager. I would email
arse colleague that either you can do evening event or the meeting on your rearranged NWD, not both. You think evening event is more important so you'll do that ( I would be wary of backing out of client events ) in future please note that NWD is Friday so avoid travel or meetings with you on that day.

Clarabellasingsthisbit · 03/01/2023 08:32

And I feel resentful that making a change which is meant to make my life easier is actually causing me stress

this is something to mention to either HR or your own manager over coffee and an informal chat. As a heads up to them that this is not acceptable.

.

I felt this right at the very start of my change from full down to part -time working after a casual conversation with my boss gave me the impression that she thought I could be called on to work on my designated days off if they were short-staffed.I got professional advice,went back in to see her and told her that it was agreed I would not work on those days.I'm glad I plucked up the courage to do that,but it did stress me out and I felt very resentful and upset in the meantime at the the thought that the plans I had carefully made and looked forward to could be chopped and changed(it was actually Phased Retirement in my case ).

RavenclawsPrincess · 03/01/2023 08:34

I think if you’ve already agreed it’s difficult to back out now. However, I’d be making it clear that this is a one off act of flexibility - for the good of the client and the organisation rather than the colleague who booked it - and that future things booked into your calendar on your NWD without prior agreement will be declined.

I think a bit of flexibility in a senior role is necessary, but it should be properly planned, it should be unavoidable (eg important client business meeting rather than jolly, and client can’t do any other day/travelling from a long way etc) and you should be given plenty of notice to alter your day off that week. You don’t just book meetings into your colleague’s calendar on their NWD, that’s cheeky and not on, and he needs to be told.

BoxOfCats · 03/01/2023 08:36

If you do end up working on your non working day, could you at least claim it back as time in lieu? My previous manager (who was fairly senior) would do this - it meant she could be flexible on the rare occasion it was needed but still got the time off that was reflected in her salary.

I notice quite a few people nowadays will write "My working days are Mon-Thu" or similar in their email signatures. I genuinely find this quite helpful as so many people work flexibly these days it can be hard to remember who works which days!

Blip · 03/01/2023 08:38

Do this one and tell all relevant parties in writing that this cannot happen again without your prior agreement, and that you will not always be able to agree it.

Then in future only agree to changing days off where you want to and also make this work for you by swapping your day on occasions where its something you want to do for your own personal reasons.

Flexibility needs to go both ways.

Deathbyfluffy · 03/01/2023 08:41

I think as you’ve agreed this one you’ll need to see it through - but you need to be crystal clear that it’s a one off.

I also work 4 days and know the struggle!

ButterBastardBeans · 03/01/2023 08:44

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 07:23

Yep, but (some) people ignore that.

Show quote history

Well let them make a tit of themselves by arranging stuff that cannot be done. Once or twice that has happened it will be stopped soon enough.

LadyLapsang · 03/01/2023 08:47

Thursday is a popular evening for work functions, especially as so many full time workers can WFH on Friday, so perhaps the date suits the clients. However, his follow up of booking another meeting on the swapped NWD was PA. Given what you have said about him I think the problem will be that he will just be waiting for you to take a hard line on not attending, so he can slip a few subtle comments to the client when you are not there, @HandbagsnGladrags Is winding down to retirement / is taking it easier / refocusing her energies / PA comments about the menopause if no older women are present etc.

Qwertyyui · 03/01/2023 08:50

My NWD is a Friday. I do switch it if needed for business but I generally swap it for the Monday before/after so I still get a long weekend off.

mumyes · 03/01/2023 08:51

Personally I'd try & be flexible if it suits you. Because then you can ask for that flexibility in return when you want /need to change the day for your stuff! Much better all round!

Frosty1000 · 03/01/2023 08:55

I don't work on a set day and it's blocked out on my calendar so nothing can be added, even a travel back kind of thing. That to me is working so no stick to your guns.

Say you don't work and have plans but if it's a thing that really can't be rearranged which I doubt it is then possibly as a one off swap day but only as a one off.

Twotwotwotwo · 03/01/2023 08:57

I also work FS and have worked 80% in roles across Consultancy, in house and Regulator.

I am very unapologetic about being part time. I talk about it regularly to both internal and external contacts (after I have shown them I am doing a good job!)

It is very clear in my calendar when I am not working - so no one can say they don’t know.

Everyone I work directly (not just managers) is told where I do and don’t have flexibility.

So for me:
I can do international travel as long as I get a couple of months notice. DH and I work on a first come first served basis so let me know as soon as it is a possibility to maximise my chance of going.

I will do my best to rearrange for external facing meetings if required, particularly for time zone issues. This may mean I WFH. similarly for large group training events.

I will not rearrange for large team meetings where I am not contributing. One to one and small group meetings should be arranged when I am due to work. If there is a reason this can’t be met, come and talk to me first if you expect me to be there or I will say no.

what are your lines? And how do you communicate this to manager but also annoying peer?

I do not work 100% so extra hours are taken back if worked and I am strict about it and it is marked in my calendar.

FurAndFeathers · 03/01/2023 08:59

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 07:13

Also what has pissed me off is that it's literally the second week of my new working arrangement (it starts this week). I initially agreed to swap days off but am now regretting it and thinking of making up an excuse why I can't. Said colleague then arranged another meeting for the day I'd swapped to have off. Not a good start. This is a male colleague who thinks he's senior to me, but he's not.

Tell them it’s your day off and you have plans so can’t be there