Was this rude? (Please ignore if your problems are never trivial; this is!)

[SarahAndQuack]

DP and I went to a small party at my boss's home; he'd cooked a roast dinner. DP looked at it and said 'ooh, potato gratin for the third day in a row!' to me. I thought this was rude so said something like 'it all looks really delicious!' Since I'd not acknowledged the comment, DP repeated 'we've had potato gratin three days in a row now!' DP did also, to be fair, say it was delicious. We are now disagreeing. DP thinks it was a perfectly fine comment and doesn't really believe me that it was rude. I think it was rude.

Who is right?

If the delivery implied “yay, I bloody love potato gratin and am happy to have it for the third time in as many days” then it’s a compliment to the host. If the delivery implied “fucks sake, not potato gratin AGAIN” then it’s rude.

She repeated it because, when I didn't reply directly, she thought I hadn't heard.

Rude, even if not intended. We went to visit relatives who served us beef on the 27th, we’d had beef the previous day at my parents’. We all love beef but I was praying no kids would pipe up and say ‘oh we had beef yesterday!’

I wouldn't have said, especially in the more formal setting of boss' house - although it does depend on the nature of your relationship and on how it was said. Did it come across as 'Oh, no, not again?' or 'Yay! More gratin'. But definitely come down on the rude side, especially because of the repetition.

"Well, feel free to cook something different, you wanker".

He'd not be invited back if he came to my house and said that.

DP thinks it was implicit she was happy.

She's a woman.

It was rude, OP. If she'd have said something like "I love Christmas because it means we get more potato gratin than normal" it'd be fine, but the way she said it could come across badly even if it wasn't her intention.

It's the sort of thing I'd say, but fluffed up with "what a weird coincidence! Lucky for me because it happens to be my favourite!" Said baldly it is a bit rude. Not horribly rude, but not polite.

Depends. If I said that I would mean "oh yum, third day in a row" as I love potato gratin and my tone would hopefully reflect that. But if it's the opposite, yes, it's rude

Yes it's rude. No need to mention it at all. It sounds like he's moaning at the person who's gone to the effort of cooking him a nice meal. I'd be embarrassed if my DH had said that and would react like you.

I can totally imagine blurting that out myself. I just felt like, when I said 'it looks delicious' I was giving her an 'out' to convert it into 'ooh yes, delicious, wow, my favourite' instead of repeating it again.

It's rude if the host heard.

If they heard then yes rude.

To repeat it to I feel like they wanted to know they were disappointed with it.

So you've got a general consensus that yes it was rude, but what are you actually going to do with you being right and him being wrong? LTB? I'm not actually sure what being right does for you in this context other than cement your moral position above his.

I also think its rude. If I was the host I'd probably have been tempted to passively aggressively say something in response like 'I'm sorry, Mr Sarah and Quack-would you prefer something else instead?' Hoping it'd emphasise that it was an inappropriate and unnecessary comment. Once could be a mistake and him not realising it was rude, but absolutely not twice! As a PP said, it implies he's disappointed to be served what the host has presumably spent time preparing.

OP will probably just have a conversatiin with her DP about it but wanted to double check first that most people agreed with her. Surely that's the point of AIBU.

It sounds like the tactless comment MIL would make!

It was a rude, thoughtless comment!

Incredibly rude

Can we make an effort with pronouns?

The OP clearly said ‘she’, it’s a same sex relationship.

Completely inappropriate comment. As someone has asked, does your DP struggle socially?

Exactly that.

Yes, rude. To you and the hosts.

I thought it was rude at first - but then it sounds like she loves it and was pleased it was 3 days in a row.

What I don't understand is that if you felt it might come across rude, and you knew that she loved it, why you didn't say something like 'oh yes you'll be in your element as you're such a fan of gratin!'. The there would be no misunderstanding by the host.