To regret having children?

[Cinderellasslipper]

Anyone else miss being childfree?

YABU - no way

YANBU - yes I have regrets too

@QueefQueen80s when is this age please ?
My son is 3 in 4 months time. My mom said 3 is a turning point . But I don’t think 3 is yet. Maybe 4 or 5? It’s definitely easier nowadays vs. New born. And it’s definitely getting easier everyday.
regardless no regrets, our son is the best thing in our life.
funny enough, we were in the discussion of no child 4 years ago too. It’s true that you won’t know what having a child feels like until you have one. So whoever said the childless couple are also the one “seeing through” is totally naive. You don’t know ANYTHING until you have one yourself.

I’m six (nearly seven!) years in and not finding the time of CBeebies in the morning has passed. In fact it’s more like 5.30-6am in the morning and they don’t go to sleep till nearly nine. The six year old had multiple wakings last night too. The idea of being able to have a lie in one day feels like a joke.

I think there can be big differences between three year olds. My little girl who just turned three has much better talking abilities and tantrums less than her big brother did at her age.

@theholidaymum For me it was 3.5, there is a huge difference between 3 and that, 3 they were still a bit mental toddlerish!

Sometimes I'd love a carefree child free day or two but then I remember I spent my child free days consumed with wanting a baby, peeing on sticks, tracking ovulation etc. we do have fun together, the kids and I wouldn't be without them. I'm just so tired!

"I sometimes wonder if the reason women with older children don't complain as much (on here at least) is that the whole experience has diminished them so much that they can't even find their own voice."

I don't know who said this but I think there is some truth to this. Pregnancy and motherhood changes your brain and often the first few years are so tough that by the time it gets even a wee bit better you're thrilled with even the smallest improvement in your quality of life. You also become institutionalised to the demands of motherhood and simply get used to being a facilitator to your children as opposed to who you where before kids, it's a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I loved my pre kids self she was awesome, my post kids self is worn out and anxious 😟

@Getinajollymood The thing is many of us had great lives that deeply fulfilled us prior to kids so we know exactly what it would be like without our kids.

You know what life was like before kids, but you know nothing about what it would be like to live a whole life without children, whether or not by choice.

@KimberleyClark Don't patronise me, I know what I'm talking about. If you don't like it jog on.

God no. Mine were lovely little kids and are great company as teens.

Good grief. My intention was not to patronise, I was making a genuine point. No need to be so rude.

@BlueHorse88

What a miserable post. You don't speak for ALL mothers by the way. I don't feel like this, and never HAVE felt like this. Many women love their children deeply, they have NOT turned into a shadow of their former selves, and they would not change a thing if they could go back in time.

Also, like a pp said, it's hilarious and ludicrous that some people assume that people who have children had no life before them. Before I had children (and met DH,) I travelled extensively, worked abroad, lived in different parts of the UK, AND had several relationships. I also had holidays abroad with friends, and some years of clubbing, and going to pop and rock concerts before I met DH too. My life's different with children, but it's not worse, it's just a different life.

I also can't get my head around people not wanting children. They bring so much to your life, and give you feelings and emotions you never knew existed.

My heart is so full of love for my 2 young adult DC. I have never felt this love for any other human beings. Not even my own parents or even my DH. Of course I love them all, but the love for my DC goes MUCH deeper. It's not like anything else in the world.

I really do feel a bit sad for those who don't experience it because they chose not to have children (or they can't have them.)

Why are you so angry?

@KimberleyClark - I agree with you (and not sure why the PP snapped at you!). I can honestly say I didn’t yearn to be a mother but I was worried I would get to menopause and regret having not had a child. It’s all well and good me saying how tough it is and how I miss my old life, but I have no idea how I would have felt if I had made the choice not to have a child or wasn’t able to have a child. I will be stopping at 1 though.

No you were gaslighting me, but of course women aren't supposed to complain or be honest about there own experiences and if they are they get dismissed and told they don't know what they are talking about even by other women who perhaps feel threatened by that.

I really do feel a bit sad for those who don't experience it because they chose not to have children (or they can't have them.) Sad

I couldn’t have children, but the older I get and the betterI get to know myself the more it feels like I dodged a bullet. Just me personally. Other people feel it’s the best thing they’ve done and that’s great, I’m happy for them. My life is good. Feel happy for me, not sad.

wtf!!!

Because she had zero right to tell me about my life when she has no idea about it. She was the unpleasant one.

I snapped because she attempted to undermine my personal experience and knowledge of my own life, which she had no right to do and now there is a pile on from other women because I tell my truth. Like I said it's gaslighting.

Errr no she wasn’t. You are coming across as quite mad.

Exactly my response when I read your original reply to me.

I know what she was saying, dismissing my experience.

You're being ridiculous.

You don't know what it's like to remain childfree for life because you haven't done so. That's the truth. It's not dismissing your experience.

If I had my time completely again knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have children.

I love my children completely, they are absolutely wonderful humans. I am incredibly lucky to have them in my life and would give up my own in a heartbeat for them.

Motherhood I find relentless and boring, all-encompassing, draining, and ultimately quite unrewarding. I'm not really living my life as me to the same extent, I'm living it as a mother to my children.

Before I had children I desperately, desperately wanted them and had 5 years of infertility then IVF. So I wasn't happy without them either...

I think if I could choose a mindset it would be to be childfree by choice and be completely ok with that. I don't know why I was so driven to reproduce, but I wish I hadn't been. I had 5 years of sheer misery and torture before having them and since I've had them I've slowly come to regret that decision. Maybe I'm just a miserable fucker no matter what 😄

The expectations on parents are very different to what they were in the past. You used to have kids because it was expected and because there was no contraception, not because it was a choice or route to fulfilment. As a result I think people do feel they have to be enslaved to providing their children with perfection.