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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
Watchamocauli · 03/01/2023 21:14

I feel sorry for you @tantrumingcoldchild

most ppl don’t know what it is to travel 4000miles with a young child burning timeoff and thousands of pounds for a disappointing trip.

they treated you badly. I hope you can cherish time spent with other parent. you and your child had some good memories together. Safe travels back and good luck with all the jet lag.

mumsnet can be very harsh at times. For last few months its just doom and gloom here. I hope you come back to the UK for better times.

KingsAndPants · 03/01/2023 21:16

OP, as your parents have said they are thinking of travelling to you and you are less Covid averse than they are, why not just let them come to you?

This post is not about her parents but one of her parents and his or her partner. Her parents are divorced and the kind parent did take care of her.

lifeinthehills · 03/01/2023 21:20

KingsAndPants · 03/01/2023 21:16

OP, as your parents have said they are thinking of travelling to you and you are less Covid averse than they are, why not just let them come to you?

This post is not about her parents but one of her parents and his or her partner. Her parents are divorced and the kind parent did take care of her.

Parents, mother and step-parent, irrelevant. Exact same suggestion. The titles make no difference. That set of people are willing to travel, so let them.

DaveGrohlsMrs · 03/01/2023 21:28

Wow. It’s unfortunate that it happened when you had travelled all that way, but you HAVE tested positive and therefore you would be incredibly selfish to go into someone’s home knowing that you were positive.
We were having a few friends over on Hogmanay but a few of them tested positive that day, so as disappointing as it was they did the right thing and stayed away.
It’s not just about people’s underlying health either, it’s the inconvenience of it too. Maybe other members of the party had other plans for other days that had they become infected they then wouldn’t be able to attend. It’s not just about you. Look beyond the end of your own nose. People have lives and other commitments that could be derailed because of your actions.
You only get one family, if you end the relationship because of this then you really are being incredibly unreasonable.

justasking111 · 03/01/2023 21:51

@tantrumingcoldchild subsequently tested negative and her family still wouldn't be mollified.

Parkinglotlatte · 03/01/2023 21:52

Maybe at the height of the pandemic YWBU but now? Unless your parent/ partner is extremely vulnerable, they are being so extreme! Everyone has had multiple vaccines - Covid is not the plague and not more dangerous than other illnesses now! Nuts if you ask me. Everyone is hysterical about it and has totally lost perspective!

Wiluli · 03/01/2023 22:04

Parkinglotlatte · 03/01/2023 21:52

Maybe at the height of the pandemic YWBU but now? Unless your parent/ partner is extremely vulnerable, they are being so extreme! Everyone has had multiple vaccines - Covid is not the plague and not more dangerous than other illnesses now! Nuts if you ask me. Everyone is hysterical about it and has totally lost perspective!

This ! Exactiy how I felt . My parents got poorly a few days after flying to us at Christmas and then we all got it .I tested myself and my partner and negative for covid but we all discussed it prior to testing that no matter what the test said we would nit caught plans

Teenagehorrorbag · 03/01/2023 22:07

Stompythedinosaur · 02/01/2023 03:19

So you didn't ask you see them, but you are upset they didn't volunteer to have you stay with them while you had covid?

I think everyone who travels knows there is a risk of having to isolate in a hotel room these days, don't they?

My elderly mum loves me very much, but she wouldn't have me to stay when I had covid as it would be too risky for her and I am an adult who can look after myself.

Show quote history

Late to the chat so I'm sure it's been said - but nobody isolates these days do they?

OP I agree with you - if they are in their 60s and healthy and vaccinated then we all just have to treat it as we would a cold. DD had a friend for a sleepover - her friend's Dad tested positive that morning but I still had the child over. We can't lock ourselves away forever.

That said - if they were really concerned then maybe there is some middle ground - NC seems a bit extreme?

Sundayvibes · 03/01/2023 22:08

Parkinglotlatte · 03/01/2023 21:52

Maybe at the height of the pandemic YWBU but now? Unless your parent/ partner is extremely vulnerable, they are being so extreme! Everyone has had multiple vaccines - Covid is not the plague and not more dangerous than other illnesses now! Nuts if you ask me. Everyone is hysterical about it and has totally lost perspective!

It’s like some people don’t want it to be over.
They want the numbers to rise and for us to have more lockdowns.
I just find it bizarre behaviour.

For Perspective.

175 patients in the uk on ventilators for covid.

population of the uk is roughly 67 million.

LizzieW1969 · 03/01/2023 22:12

lcl · 03/01/2023 20:16

I was in bed 10 days with covid. I was ill but it wasn’t different you flu that’s been around forever. Pre jabs I was really not that I’ll 1 or 2 days max. It’s no worse than the flu for many and like this poster it’s often nothing for the lucky asymptomatic ones. It basically is most likely down to to blood type. If you A or AB you get the breathing problems if like the majority O you are pretty much ok. The scaremongering is appalling.

I haven’t heard the blood
group theory before, I suppose there might be some truth in it. However, I’m blood group O and ended up with Long Covid, which has included breathing problems.

I do think it’s mainly those who are elderly/vulnerable who have ended up in hospital or died (with a few exceptions, I know), but Long Covid is indiscriminate, as in there’s no way of predicting who is likely to be at risk of developing it. (As far as I’m aware anyway.)

echt · 03/01/2023 22:22

It’s like some people don’t want it to be over ???? Want doesn't come into it. It isn't over. Anyway, who has said they don't want it to be over? Go on.

They want the numbers to rise and for us to have more lockdowns. Any evidence for this? None I've seen on this thread.

I just find it bizarre behaviour Not nearly so bizarre as your unsupported statements.

justasking111 · 03/01/2023 22:23

Anyone recall when pneumonia was dubbed the old people's friend. Flu had similar results. So it's best to avoid the elderly and vulnerable.

a1poshpaws · 03/01/2023 22:29

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:51

@SugarplumFairyyy they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

@tantrumingcoldchild I suspect this is what's at the heart of your obviously enormous hurt and anger, far more than the money you spent getting here. I suspect this the straw that the broke the camel's back in fact.

I think your parents are very cold fish if they didn't phone you every day, twice a day, to both make you feel cared about and to see if you'd become more ill and needed help in some way.

However I must be honest and say that - as a woman who lost her very much adored husband to Covid at the start of the pandemic, I feel strongly that as soon as you saw your test was positive you should have arranged to isolate until you got a negative result.

But that's another issue; I'm sure yours is really all concerned with their lack of interest in, and concern for, you.

In your position I'd write them off and have no further contact - I know it's hard because even as adults the "child" part of us still craves love from the people we were entitled to expect it from, but frankly in your case it sounds like you simply have emotionally stunted parents and to keep trying is as much use as flogging the proverbial dead horse.

At least it sounds as though you have had some pleasure while in Britain. I hope so, and I hope you recover from the virus soon and are kind and responsible enough to not fly home until your test comes up negative.

When you do get home, begin to save the same amount it cost you to fly across, and then when you reach target - do something special just for you with the cash! 💐

MdNdD · 03/01/2023 22:32

Not read all the posts but sounds like you were left at the airport with a small child, with covid.

I think it is pretty mean for them to do that.

I wouldn’t end the relationship but I would think twice before parting with so much money to be present for Christmas again - a simple ‘sorry parent, but I cannot come for Christmas as I cannot control the viruses that I am exposed to en route, let’s Skype instead. Last time we got Covid, it’s just too risky!’

a1poshpaws · 03/01/2023 22:35

@Sundayvibes "or Perspective. 175 patients in the uk on ventilators for covid.
population of the uk is roughly 67 million."

And if someone you loved was one of that 175, would you still feel so unconcerned?

Azzy111 · 03/01/2023 22:38

Lol even if they have had covid in the past and have also had the vaccine does not make them immune to it. I’ve had both and I’ve had covid in the past and trust me it does not give you immunity. You are being sooooo unreasonable and ridiculous. Really petty and pathetic. It irks me that you’re thinking you’re in the right lol. And stop being so selfish, keep your virus to yourself.

jollyroll · 03/01/2023 22:40

Toomanybooks22 · 02/01/2023 03:11

I think people are being really harsh on this thread, the OP travelled thousands of miles to see their family and got Covid at some point en route. However, unless the family are clinically vulnerable I don't see how they could reject their child like that and go on with having a Christmas party and seeing lots of other people that might give them covid anyway. It doesn't sound like the relatives are self isolating. The idea that anyone should just be ok with being rejected like this seems really quite harsh. I don't think I'd cut off family (although don't think I'd be bothering travelling anymore for them) but I can totally appreciate the OP must be feeling really rejected.

Completely agree. Unless the parent has some condition, if the parent is celebrating with other people, and has made no effort to see or interact with OP (Facetime, through a door, outside) besides this one hour, the parent is acting peculiarly. OP, I'm sorry you went through this.

AnnieSnap · 03/01/2023 22:41

Kennykenkencat · 03/01/2023 19:44

What was the point of vaccinations if everyone is acting like they haven’t had one.

We are far, far less likely to die from Covid if our vaccines are up-to-date. It’s still reasonable to try to avoid becoming ill with it 🙄

jollyroll · 03/01/2023 22:45

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:51

@SugarplumFairyyy they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

It sounds like your mind's made. Be done with this parent! They're giving you nothing. You've done your duty as a child. Wait for this parent to reach out next. If the parent doesn't, you won't be missing out. Best wishes to you, OP.

Jaxhog · 03/01/2023 22:49

But you only took time out of an existing trip to see them, so why the big deal?

Did you offer to wear a mask?

AnnieSnap · 03/01/2023 22:49

echt · 03/01/2023 22:22

It’s like some people don’t want it to be over ???? Want doesn't come into it. It isn't over. Anyway, who has said they don't want it to be over? Go on.

They want the numbers to rise and for us to have more lockdowns. Any evidence for this? None I've seen on this thread.

I just find it bizarre behaviour Not nearly so bizarre as your unsupported statements.

☝️ denying that Covid is still causing serious health problems doesn’t make it true, even when they deliver their comments with an air of superiority!

Lozois99 · 03/01/2023 22:57

Dear God. MN is so black and white

Probably you’re both guilty of overreacting. In an ideal world they would care for you whatever state you arrived in. In another ideal world you wouldn’t risk their health. No one here is the bad guy or the good guy. Anyone who suggests this is as simple as that is the one who needs to grow up. Find a solution that suits you all. Communicate your feelings.

Blacksheepcat · 03/01/2023 23:34

My daughter was coming home to visit back in the summer when she suddenly tested positive. No way would I have banned her from coming home (although she offered to stay away). We were as careful as you can be, she isolated upstairs (and we saw each other outside in the garden) but I’d never turn my daughter away like that, especially if she’d travelled so far. We have to learn to live with this.
I’m on your side OP

Catsbreakfast · 03/01/2023 23:35

This reply has been deleted

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Shauny098 · 04/01/2023 00:23

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:49

@upfucked
No. I tested after I arrived in my home country. I stayed in another city for a few days but I left out these irrelevant details to make this post simple to read.

💯 my relationship with them would be over!!! I could not have such indoctrinated fools in my life. I can’t stand all the “are they vulnerable” questions! Would they have let you come over with a bit of a cold or a chesty cough? My bet would be yes therefore they aren’t cancelling on you because they have genuine fear, it is because they are brainwashed. Nothing would stop me seeing my child if that was the only time I would see them that year, NOTHING! Funny thing is a bet they’re quadruple vaxxed….imagine injecting a “vaccine” that has been proven to statistically cause more harm than the actual virus and you’re STILL terrified of being around someone who hasn’t even got symptoms (I.e is not a clinical case) and even if you were to catch the (cold) it’s just a mild inconvenience 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Their loss they sound like utter morons tbh.