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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
Becgoz7 · 04/01/2023 00:30

poefaced · 03/01/2023 18:14

I can’t believe you made your DH ban his mum in a lockdown. That’s beyond cruel. I could never treat my mum that way.

Show quote history

I think people are so brainwashed (I still can't understand how)

Becgoz7 · 04/01/2023 00:33

Sundayvibes · 03/01/2023 22:08

It’s like some people don’t want it to be over.
They want the numbers to rise and for us to have more lockdowns.
I just find it bizarre behaviour.

For Perspective.

175 patients in the uk on ventilators for covid.

population of the uk is roughly 67 million.

Show quote history

I agree, people seem to play on it.

MrsMorrisey · 04/01/2023 00:48

Shauney098 yes yes yes!!!!
Totally agree.
See it in my own family. Causing relationships to break down.

Cate0101 · 04/01/2023 02:13

Being close to people working in hospitals, it's infuriating to see people NOT taking Covid seriously. It's an highly uncomfortable disease that can kill. The elderly are more at risk. My daughter got asymptomatic covid last Xmas and was happy to isolate from her parents and grandparent. Just because vaccinated people are getting mild versions does NOT mean the danger is over. It's a random disease that can have different effects on different people. It can kill people who can't vaccinate for health reasons. I also think it's a bit rich that you flew in from a country that may be dealing with different strains of the disease. This is not a drill.

Silvers11 · 04/01/2023 02:32

You are bitterly disappointed OP. I get that. I would be too in your situation. All the travel and expense only to only have it all completely ruined because of Covid. But you are coming across like a spoilt child I am sorry to say. Metaphorically stamping your feet and raging at your family because they wanted to avoid potentially catching it. Many people are still terrified of it, rightly or wrongly. Many folk now are just getting on with life it is true, but even pre-Covid if someone was suffering from flu or a very bad respiratory infection a lot of folk would not welcome you into their home until you were better.

You also say you took the test because you had been in contact with someone with Covid - but what was the point of that exactly if you didn't intend to act on it?

YABVVU

Whotsit · 04/01/2023 02:57

There’s still a lot of fear around covid, however we are now told to continue with life when infected and go into work with covid if well enough. In light of your family being fulling immunised and current advice, it seems odd they didn’t have you got Xmas

AliceOlive · 04/01/2023 03:20

I don’t think any of us gets to decide how another person protects their own health. I cannot imagine expecting someone else to spend time in close quarters with me when I have even a simple cold. Would I turn someone away? No, but that’s my own choice. I can’t decide for another person.

I also don’t think 4,000 is a big deal or changes the situation. NYC to London is close to that. Those flights are always full, and plenty of people are on them multiple times per year.

The OP decided straight off the bat that they were right and nothing anyone could say would sway them. I think that is why it just seems selfish to me.

Grumpusaurus · 04/01/2023 03:43

Wow! OP, you are massively ignorant and self-centred! No one in their right mind would want to risk infecting themselves with Covid It can still massively dangerous and have long term health risks or be fatal. Have a word with yourself!

Cappuccino17 · 04/01/2023 04:29

I understand your frustrations but it's actually a tough situation. The covid approach is different for different families. I personally wouldn't see my parents if I had covid. Whether you're vaccinated or not there are a lot of people being hospitalised with covid. There's also flu flying around and having covid and flu together is a thing too. If your parents were having a gathering maybe there were people in that gathering that could be vulnerable like younger babies
? It could make other people feel uncomfortable. I understand why your parents did this. But I can see your perspective. Don't take it to heart. Some parents risk these things. But as your parents child it could come across like you don't care about them if you're okay to see them whilst having covid.

Meredithmama · 04/01/2023 04:29

@tantrumingcoldchild I want to apologise, when I hear of people mixing with covid I cannot cope. I shielded for nearly two years to protect my son then when a parent send their child in a special needs school with covid mg daughter caught (she is a TA) wasn’t aware she has it and brought into our home and after fighting for 13 days my son died he as only 7.

I don’t think this for you is about the covid I think it’s more about the lack of support and love. Yes you had covid, yes you couldn’t see them but they should have been devastated not to see you after so long. They should have been sorting you a place to stay. Yet they just walked away. I wouldn’t travel to see them again if they wish to see you tell them to travel to you.

NoNameNowAgain · 04/01/2023 04:37

I’m so sorry @Meredithmama.

jollyroll · 04/01/2023 05:36

OP, I'd like to say again, I really feel for you, and I'm so sorry you had this disappointment and setback over the holidays. You've handled all of this remarkably well, and have presented fair, rational arguments in every post.

Unfortunately, it seems everyone has responded internally to COVID quite differently, to the point, as your encounter with your parent in the park illustrates, that it can be quite a shock how different people react, even in common situations. If you're not seeing your parent but once a year, then the gap between your two outlooks on living with COVID could be huge, as it seems to be here.

I hope you feel relief and clarity at having reached a decision about your own travel plans moving forward. You did the best that you could in a difficult decision. Please ignore the petty, thoughtless comments.

Happy new year!

Ddot · 04/01/2023 06:30

Awful for you but what if you had spent Christmas with your family and you made someone really ill. Could you live with yourself knowing that it could have been avoidable.

ThisGirlNever · 04/01/2023 07:21

@Meredithmama

I'm very sorry for your loss, but I think it is still important to keep some perspective on the overall risks.

Only three children aged 5-9 died 'with covid' (not necessarily from covid) during the first 15 months of the pandemic.

www.ons.gov.uk/aboutus/transparencyandgovernance/freedomofinformationfoi/covid19deathsinukforchildrenfromages0to19sincemarch2020

It's obviously still a tragedy for those families, but we can't restrict the whole of society based upon such a miniscule risk.

Meredithmama · 04/01/2023 07:45

There was a real issue over cause of death on the children. We could have had pneumonia as his cause of death and had his death certificate that day to have Covid written as cause of death we had to wait. We were told many don’t wait. Pop over to the bereaved parents group of those that lost their child to covid there is definitely more than 4.

I do believe we have to get on with our lives but what I am hoping is that Covid will make people be more conscience about sharing their illnesses. If you have a cold, flu, cough dong go visiting everyone and passing it on.

anyway this op post wasn’t really about covid more the detached way she was treated.

Gingernan · 04/01/2023 08:04

If this was just travelling a reasonable distance, there wouldn't be a problem would there, you would just visit them when you were OK, I can see that it is unfortunate for you as you have travelled far.
Easy to say but I think I would let you visit if no one in the house was particularly vulnerable, and meet outside if at all possible.Having said that, if I was in your position I wouldn't put them through the anxiety.
However many people are still very scared by Covid 19, with good reason. You should not hold their attitude against them,it isn't personal.
Maybe we should all get a bit less sentimental for 'home for Christmas at all costs'? It does tend to make everyone a bit hysterical.
Sorry you must be very out of pocket, for the air fares. I think a lot of us had that experience due to Covid.

JerryGiraffe · 04/01/2023 08:14

Bad situation for you to be left in but if your parents are older, they are vulnerable. Young fully vaccinated people can be very ill, older people even more so. I think you need to have a word with yourself, throwing a tantrum and ranting about ending a relationship woth yoir parent because they want to protect their health and wellbeing?? Wow
I understand the massive inconvenience for you, but you are being completely unreasonable

Greenfairydust · 04/01/2023 08:37

Come on , it was bad luck that you caught the virus after arriving but they are perfectly reasonable not to want to catch Covid and risk their health.

Anyone who travels surely understands that there is always a risk that Covid will alter plans one way or another these days.

I assume it you stayed a few days there, so you still could have had an opportunity to meet outside and at least see other with a bit of distance once the first few days of the illness had passed and you were no longer contagious.

Unless there is a backstory here of existing poor relations with your parents I don't see why you are reacting so badly.

Foxyaus · 04/01/2023 09:17

This in no way indicates that they don't care about you.
My friend was fully vaccinated, caught covid for the second time and ended up on life support for over two weeks.
I think it indicates you have not done your research about this virus - you can be reinfected in as little as ten days after having covid - vaccination is no guarantee that the virus will not be serious.
Honestly, you are putting yourself first over their health.

LIZS · 04/01/2023 09:31

Unless there is a backstory here of existing poor relations with your parents I don't see why you are reacting so badly.

I wondered this, and whether there was friction between the parents which has escalated the situation. Different people have differing attitudes to risk, which should be respected. If there had been covid in the household and op been covid free would they have still been happy to visit?

anne2408 · 04/01/2023 09:39

Would it not have been sensible to have tested for Covid BEFORE you actually got on the plane? Covid has not gone away and it is still of serious concern. My partner and I have had all our injections and still wear masks whenever we go anywhere. Even though vaccinated we still tested positive for the virus last year. We self-isolated until we tested negative. That is the responsible thing to do. We were lucky, our symptoms were mild. I know people who have had all the vaccinations but were still really knocked off their feet when they were ill with the virus. You have behaved extremely irresponsibly and selfishly. You should be ashamed of yourself!

ThisGirlNever · 04/01/2023 09:48

@anne2408

You do realise that masks don't protect the wearer from covid, don't you? They help to reduce the amount of covid being exhaled into the air by the wearer.

Mummieslncorporated · 04/01/2023 09:57

ThisGirlNever · 04/01/2023 09:48

@anne2408

You do realise that masks don't protect the wearer from covid, don't you? They help to reduce the amount of covid being exhaled into the air by the wearer.

Masks do offer some protection to the wearer. Some offer more than others.

Granted, the main reason for wearing them in a medical setting is to protect others.

anne2408 · 04/01/2023 10:04

Yes I do, I have a science degree as well as being a retired nurse and am qualified in control of infection. It is far better to have a degree of protection than no protection at all. I am also aware of the difference between the different masks and we always purchase the higher grade medical/surgical masks.

MintyFreshOne · 04/01/2023 10:40

anne2408 · 04/01/2023 10:04

Yes I do, I have a science degree as well as being a retired nurse and am qualified in control of infection. It is far better to have a degree of protection than no protection at all. I am also aware of the difference between the different masks and we always purchase the higher grade medical/surgical masks.

There’s no good evidence that masks work in the real world. Pre-pandemic the consensus was they did not work … what has emerged since then to say definitively that they do?