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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
lcl · 03/01/2023 20:16

I was in bed 10 days with covid. I was ill but it wasn’t different you flu that’s been around forever. Pre jabs I was really not that I’ll 1 or 2 days max. It’s no worse than the flu for many and like this poster it’s often nothing for the lucky asymptomatic ones. It basically is most likely down to to blood type. If you A or AB you get the breathing problems if like the majority O you are pretty much ok. The scaremongering is appalling.

anotherdayanotheralias · 03/01/2023 20:18

Some people are more vulnerable, some people are more risk averse but we have to find a balance between caution and complacency, care and callousness. Covid is here to stay.

Delandra · 03/01/2023 20:20

I agree that this situation could happen to you again in the future.

I can understand why one of your parents decided not to invite you to their house. Yes it’s hard travelling thousands of miles to be banned from spending Christmas with them but it’s understandable one of them doesn’t want to risk contracting Covid.

This virus is leaving some with nasty long-term side effects on some of those infected with each variant. And we’ve had multiple waves of different variants since the start of the pandemic and these waves will continue. Some people don’t want the risk of serious health complications and it’s understandable as there’s currently a lack of scientific knowledge on how to treat these side effects.

PrettyAndLovely · 03/01/2023 20:21

LivelyBlake · 03/01/2023 20:16

If OP's family are so worried about catching Covid they should self isolate indefinitely. Totally. They shouldn't take the risk of visiting the OP and getting covid on the way there, like she did. This means that they will likely not see each other again, ever.

I'm not getting the impression that OP's divorced parent and her step mother or step father are the kind of people that would bother visiting her, sadly, they barely afford her an hour in the park.

lcl · 03/01/2023 20:21

Killingmytime · 03/01/2023 19:34

I’ve had flu. Flu has not left me with breathing problems.
the vaccines certainly has not left me with breathing problems and loss of smell.
it may not have been bad for you, but don’t spread rubbish when for others it has been horrendous!
I would take the flu over Covid any day

Show quote history

You blatantly haven’t had proper flu. I got asthma from the flu.

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 20:21

LivelyBlake · 03/01/2023 20:16

If OP's family are so worried about catching Covid they should self isolate indefinitely. Totally. They shouldn't take the risk of visiting the OP and getting covid on the way there, like she did. This means that they will likely not see each other again, ever.

So what's your opinion of the #Forgotten500k immunosuppressed people in the UK who are still shielding? They should just isolate indefinitely?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/01/2023 20:24

So your parents were supposed to pick you up from the airport but the airport is several hundred miles away

None of this makes any sense.

If you have COVID, hunker down in a hotel room and don't give it to anyone else!

FartWrangler · 03/01/2023 20:24

There are clearly other things going on between the OP and her parent here - but if one of my adult DC had flown 4000 miles to see me, Hell would have frozen over before I'd have said they couldn't see me. I wouldn't have given a single toss about them having tested positive for Covid - I'd just be happy to see them.

DuesToTheDirt · 03/01/2023 20:35

OP I think you're getting a hard time here. If I were your mum in this situation, if you lived down the road I would put you off visiting, but if you'd travelled from the other side of the world I certainly wouldn't.

nici77 · 03/01/2023 20:38

In July I flew 11,000 to NZ for my Dad's 90th birthday with my two sons.
Hadn't been there in about 4 years and cost me ALOT.
I had already planned not to see my parents for the first week I case one of us caught covid on the plan and bloody typical on day 6 my youngest son tested positive so missed his party and had to isolate for 2 weeks.
I was livid at first but shit happens and I would never forgive myself if I gave them covid.
Think you just need to get over it

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 20:39

DuesToTheDirt · 03/01/2023 20:35

OP I think you're getting a hard time here. If I were your mum in this situation, if you lived down the road I would put you off visiting, but if you'd travelled from the other side of the world I certainly wouldn't.

I agree

Mc3000 · 03/01/2023 20:40

i think you are being incredibly selfish. You should be isolating with it to begin with. Not everyone reacts the same way to covid just like the flu and in their 60s they are considered vulnerable. The health and safety of your family should be a priority.
My work colleague caught covid and ended up in hospital and almost died. She was only 35 and very fit and healthy. No underlying conditions and vaccinated. Other people i know have caught it and been fine. You don’t know how your body will respond.
You can always make another time to see your parents and keep in contact other ways

Tippletoomany · 03/01/2023 20:40

i don’t get your reaction at all. people don’t want to catch covid, so what? i don’t want to catch flu or anything off anyone. not because i’m vulnerable (i’m not) but because i don’t want to get ill. you got covid, they reacted rationally. get over it, these things happen sadly.

PUGMEISTER21 · 03/01/2023 20:46

I wouldn't have tested. If you don't look for it you won't find it. :-)

StaunchMomma · 03/01/2023 20:46

You flew without taking a test?!

Good job you were tested on arrival.

I wouldn't let any family in my house with covid and I'd expect them to not want to come in, actually - that's basic common decency!

Yes, it was dreadful luck but these things happen. Cutting off a family member because they won't let you in with covid is ridiculous. And this is a parent, isn't it?!!

Are you 12?

Wiluli · 03/01/2023 20:47

as someone whose parents also live 3000 miles away and who only sees them twice a year I find this very sad . There is no way my parents would do that to me and I would not do that to them when they visit . Personally if I were you , I would nit make the effort to see them for a very long time . Hugs to you and your child .

whatstheproblemguys · 03/01/2023 20:48

My household tested positive a few days before Christmas. We were supposed to be joining all my family for Christmas, but excluded ourselves as there was to be 80+ year old grandparents and NHS workers there, so decided it wouldn't be fair of us to attend and put those at risk.
I was absolutely gutted, had a good cry and then phoned them to tell them. I Was so looking forward to being with everyone, as we hadn't all been together since May, and having a few days to relax. We put our family members before our own enjoyment.
No we didn't travel thousands of miles or spend lots of money to do it but I'm so pleased we didn't infect anyone else as we felt absolutely awful, and know it could have been lots worse for the others despite being vaccinated!

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 20:48

PUGMEISTER21 · 03/01/2023 20:46

I wouldn't have tested. If you don't look for it you won't find it. :-)

What an irresponsible flippant attitude!

Wiluli · 03/01/2023 20:51

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 20:48

What an irresponsible flippant attitude!

Show quote history

Why ? Even schools tell us to allow kids to go in if they feel ok .

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 20:55

Wiluli · 03/01/2023 20:51

Why ? Even schools tell us to allow kids to go in if they feel ok .

Show quote history

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-64147209

Sugarfree23 · 03/01/2023 20:58

All for an hour or two in a freezing park I'm afraid that I won't be willing to put myself in this position for them again, even though I am no longer actively angry.

Does the time you spent with your other parent not count or matter?

You admit they are sincere in their fear of covid, long covid is still a thing and can still affect the vaccinated. Yet you seem to think they should have completely pushed their fears aside.
We don't know the whole story or what is driving their fears. Is it a worry about passing it on to other even more vulnerable people, anyone in their circles with cancer or in care homes. Are they in a tricky financial situation and unable to afford time off work should they catch covid?

I do suggest that you next visit in summer rather in the dead of winter. This holiday time has been horriblely wet constantly raining.

I can see why the idea of you sitting on a patio while they partied just didn't appeal. I can guarantee you'd have ended up in the house, visiting the loo or generally too miserable outside, increasing their covid risk.

Bellsbeachwaves · 03/01/2023 21:03

I'm in the yanbu camp. My 70 year old parents were actually in my support bubble lol and I've got small children. The hand washing we upped for sure but...

I'm someone who thought all the isolation was inhumane.

Shocked at some of the answers. Thank god for your other parent op ❤️🙂 .

lifeinthehills · 03/01/2023 21:05

It wasn't just an hour in the park though, you did see your other parent. I hope that made it worthwhile.

OP, as your parents have said they are thinking of travelling to you and you are less Covid averse than they are, why not just let them come to you? It sounds like you'd be happy to have Covid positive visitors, so let them take the risk of being the ones to arrive Covid positive. If they're negative, good, if they're positive, it doesn't make any difference since you don't mind seeing people with Covid in that scenario.

While I understand them not wanting you over, it was really horrible of them to not call to see how you are or if you needed anything, deliver meals, that sort of thing. You can still take care of a person without having to risk exposure. You aren't unreasonable to be upset about that.

MrsJBaptiste · 03/01/2023 21:07

PUGMEISTER21 · 03/01/2023 20:46

I wouldn't have tested. If you don't look for it you won't find it. :-)

Absolutely.

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 21:07

"While I understand them not wanting you over, it was really horrible of them to not call to see how you are or if you needed anything, deliver meals, that sort of thing. You can still take care of a person without having to risk exposure. You aren't unreasonable to be upset about that."

THIS 👆