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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most MIL threads ..

141 replies

Treetrim · 01/01/2023 13:15

Make the MIL look quite normal but the DIL can seem seem odd, unkind , anxious and generally ungrateful.

OP posts:
IDontCareMatthew · 01/01/2023 13:16

Yes! I often think this!

sst1234 · 01/01/2023 13:18

It definitely seems that way. Makes you feel sorry for the mother in law for having to suffer with these horrendous daughters in law.

Chaiandchocolate · 01/01/2023 13:22

I think it can be a bit of both, depending on what the perceived issue is. Women can be absolutely horrible to each other - most threads on MN involve another woman.

My late MIL was a wonderful person - I couldn’t have asked for a better one. My own D’M’ is a witch who I am now NC with. I’d like to think I’m a nice DIL to my remaining FIL! Never had an argument or stroppy word between us etc, and like spending time with him.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/01/2023 13:23

There's a thread I couldn't bring myself to post on from a woman who feels aggrieved that her mother in law had the first hold of her baby (as opposed to the woman's own mother); and outrightly says that she would be okay with her own mother having the baby overnight but not the mother in law. I can see why women dread becoming MiLs because oftentimes they can't do right for doing wrong.

FictionalCharacter · 01/01/2023 13:26

I disagree. Many of the threads are about overbearing, interfering MILs who are certainly not "kind".

Anisina · 01/01/2023 13:28

VladmirsPoutine · 01/01/2023 13:23

There's a thread I couldn't bring myself to post on from a woman who feels aggrieved that her mother in law had the first hold of her baby (as opposed to the woman's own mother); and outrightly says that she would be okay with her own mother having the baby overnight but not the mother in law. I can see why women dread becoming MiLs because oftentimes they can't do right for doing wrong.

That one sounds like a froth troll to me.

TrentCrimm · 01/01/2023 13:30

No I think most do make the MIL sound batshit tbf. Obviously we only ever get one side of the story.

I have a lovely MIL.

EarlofShrewsbury · 01/01/2023 13:31

I often ask myself 'would the op be so annoyed if it was their own mother doing whatever they are complaining about? '

Answer is usually 'probably not'

Sparklingbrook · 01/01/2023 13:32

The minute I see MIL in a thread title I generally hide it. I can’t be doing with it all. They just make me Hmm and you’re never going to get both sides of the story.
My late MIL was great 🤷‍♀️

user1471505494 · 01/01/2023 13:34

I just hope that all the women who have sons will remember their treatment of their MILs and see what happens to them

sst1234 · 01/01/2023 13:35

There was where this woman’s mother in law regularly looks after her son. One morning the mother in law takes out the toddler grandson while the poster is having a lie in. When they return, the poster learns a shocking, unfathomable truth about what the grandmother had done to the child while they were out for two hours. If you reading this, please sit down before you continue reading, you will lose your balance and your head will spin at the utter cruelty shown by the grandmother towards her grandchild.

She fed the child a custard tart at a cafe.

Yes you read that right. And some of the other posters were equally as outraged as the poster. May I add that the child had no allergies or any specific reason why a custard tart should be a problem.

Not sure if OP ever recovered from the trauma or if the Mother in law was apprehended by the authorities, or if indeed the child went onto lead the lift of an egg custard tart addict.

sst1234 · 01/01/2023 13:38

EarlofShrewsbury · 01/01/2023 13:31

I often ask myself 'would the op be so annoyed if it was their own mother doing whatever they are complaining about? '

Answer is usually 'probably not'

I wouldn’t be so sure. A lot of people here are a bit batshit and think they they are the first people ever to birth another human being. There was one poster whose dad gave her 5 year old a sip of coffee and she was was having a meltdown on here. Strangely, other hysterical people were agreeing with her.

lovelypidgeon · 01/01/2023 13:41

There are a few where I think the DIL is quite odd (eg the current thread about being upset that the MIL held baby before her DM) but many seem to be about a MIL who (for whatever reason) sees having grandchildren as a second chance at being a parent and/or expects to have a really close relationship with the DIL without getting to know her or considering what she's comfortable with. Eg. all the threads about MILs who want to be in the delivery room when baby is born/go to scans etc (forgetting that these are very intimate medical matters for the mother), MILs who expect to be a constant companion to the DIL when the baby is small, MILs who expect to be involved in parenting decisions and to have their advice (usually based on how they did things) followed. I'm sure there will be some people who would welcome this sort of involvement and that's great- but the key must be to have a relationship that evolves to suit both parties.

Boulshired · 01/01/2023 13:44

If the MIL is vile in all probability she was a vile DIL first. So the chances are threads are a mixture. MIL bashing is also a thread puller so there will be the fantasy/exaggerated threads as well.

NantsIngonyamaBagithiBaba · 01/01/2023 14:12

Agree.
The majority of MIL threads I read, I think the DIL is the problem and being rather pathetically controlling.

Don't get me started on the ones who blame their hormones for being a twat to their MIL, yet strangely don't have the same feelings towards anyone in their family.

StephanieSuperpowers · 01/01/2023 14:16

I don't know if it's most, but it's definitely many. Most of the time, it's just two incompatible people who rub each other up the wrong way forced into contact with each other and refusing to just relax and be tolerant.

kingtamponthefurred · 01/01/2023 14:19

sst1234 · 01/01/2023 13:35

There was where this woman’s mother in law regularly looks after her son. One morning the mother in law takes out the toddler grandson while the poster is having a lie in. When they return, the poster learns a shocking, unfathomable truth about what the grandmother had done to the child while they were out for two hours. If you reading this, please sit down before you continue reading, you will lose your balance and your head will spin at the utter cruelty shown by the grandmother towards her grandchild.

She fed the child a custard tart at a cafe.

Yes you read that right. And some of the other posters were equally as outraged as the poster. May I add that the child had no allergies or any specific reason why a custard tart should be a problem.

Not sure if OP ever recovered from the trauma or if the Mother in law was apprehended by the authorities, or if indeed the child went onto lead the lift of an egg custard tart addict.

Hang your head in shame. You have no conception of the damage custard tart addiction causes...families torn apart... nothing matters to an addict except that creamy, eggy, nutmeggy sweetness.......(drools) 🍮

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 01/01/2023 14:20

VladmirsPoutine · 01/01/2023 13:23

There's a thread I couldn't bring myself to post on from a woman who feels aggrieved that her mother in law had the first hold of her baby (as opposed to the woman's own mother); and outrightly says that she would be okay with her own mother having the baby overnight but not the mother in law. I can see why women dread becoming MiLs because oftentimes they can't do right for doing wrong.

And she's the mother of a boy so will one day be that MIL!!
I have 3 boys, 3 DIL and we get on great! I love them all. Smile

TakeYourFinalPosition · 01/01/2023 14:21

I suspect this marks the change of MNs average user from being DIL to becoming MILs, if I’m honest.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 01/01/2023 14:21

In my experience of the main bulk of mil threads, there are subtleties going on that unless you have experienced it , you wouldn't understand. ..

Those that get it understand it immediately in amongst posts from perhaps well meaning people but who don't get the finer Nuance's.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 01/01/2023 14:22

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Interesting point. Maybe. .or maybe an influx from gransnet?

Throwncrumbs · 01/01/2023 14:24

user1471505494 · 01/01/2023 13:34

I just hope that all the women who have sons will remember their treatment of their MILs and see what happens to them

I agree

Justcallmebebes · 01/01/2023 14:25

I always want to hear the other side of the story. When everyone piles on to agree that yes, the OP's MIL is the very devil, I always think, hang on a minute, we're just getting your side so it's bound to be biased.

Saying that, there are some pure batshit posts about in laws on here

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 01/01/2023 14:26

How many threads have we had in this vein over the last week " I'm mum of boy's and I'm terrified" etc.
Lovely posters pile on to reassure them that remembering the basics of manners and respect they will be fine...and yet here we go again.

UWhatNow · 01/01/2023 14:29

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 01/01/2023 14:26

How many threads have we had in this vein over the last week " I'm mum of boy's and I'm terrified" etc.
Lovely posters pile on to reassure them that remembering the basics of manners and respect they will be fine...and yet here we go again.

But that doesn’t always cut it does it? As the custard tart example shows…