Page 6 | To think most MIL threads ..

Murphs1 · 01/01/2023 22:57

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Murphs1 · 01/01/2023 22:59

If you have a controlling difficult mil then you can understand some of these threads. Obviously there are difficult mils and there are difficult dils, but if you can’t voice it here, where can you?
Agree though some are just looking for issues with their mils, I read many and laugh and think you should meet mine 😁

ancientgran · 01/01/2023 23:05

Mine was a nightmare but I did my best to encourage DH to keep in touch with her. I knew it mattered to her but I also worried about how he would feel one day when it was too late to see her. I didn't think that would be good for his mental health so I did my best to rise above it but sometimes it was hard. I did actually lose it with her once and things did improve so maybe I should have done that earlier. It is hard isn't it.

One thing made me sad, when our first baby was born my MIL visited us in hospital, one of the first things she said was don't ever ask me to look after the baby so we never did. When she died we found a photo of her with the baby and on the back she had written how sad she was that she wasn't allowed to have more time with her. I suppose she'd forgotten what she said but what she had written was so pathetic that I felt bad and sad.

paintitallover · 01/01/2023 23:32

'Hearing yes and no, even when only implied'. That's a great point.

Enbite · 01/01/2023 23:43

I just can’t believe someone would feed a 7 month old a custard tart!!! Surely even in olden days that wouldn’t have been advisable?! I can’t say I’d be happy to with this either.

Boulshired · 01/01/2023 23:49

Enbite · 01/01/2023 23:43

I just can’t believe someone would feed a 7 month old a custard tart!!! Surely even in olden days that wouldn’t have been advisable?! I can’t say I’d be happy to with this either.

I’d imagine it would be the filling and as you can still buy egg custard baby food in a jar the olden days is not that different than now.

DixonD · 02/01/2023 00:14

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 01/01/2023 14:30

Infact this reminds me

There used to be a prolific poster who was strangely drawn to mil threads.

The usual where a mil is driving her son and Dil to divorce through boundary bludgeoning behaviour.
And this poster could never ever see it. . once she admitted she and her mil didn't see eye to eye, but in things like political parties and they " rubbed along". .ergo.. everyone should manage like I have. Being utterly blind to people's actual suffering on a level far worse than opposing voter's??

I remember that poster. If you (have nothing else better to do!) search for old MIL threads this poster is on almost every one. Suddenly disappeared one day, or perhaps name changed.

Newgirls · 02/01/2023 11:17

lovelypidgeon · 01/01/2023 20:46

I think in relation to involvement with young grandchildren some MILs do need to remember that there IS a huge difference between their relationship with their DIL and the DIL's relationship with her own mother. The very early days of motherhood can be difficult- recovering from the physical issues of giving birth, getting to grips with breastfeeding, hormonal changes, lack of sleep etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable that a new mother feels more comfortable having her own mother around when she's dealing with these pretty personal changes than she does having someone she personally isn't as close to around. Too often I think people in general forget that the mother of a new baby has her own right to privacy and dignity. Personally I'm really happy that my DC have a strong relationship with all their grandparents and have enjoyed time alone being spoiled by them once they were old enough but when I felt vulnerable etc the only people I wanted around other than for short visits were DH and my own mother. I think a lot of MIL/DIL conflicts would be resolved more easily if MILs (and their friends and family) could see that this is not personal and doesn't mean that there is a competition between the 2 sets of grandparents from day 1.

Very wise

Franticbutterfly · 02/01/2023 20:24

Treetrim · 01/01/2023 13:15

Make the MIL look quite normal but the DIL can seem seem odd, unkind , anxious and generally ungrateful.

I bet you have a nice MIL who is lovely to you and your DH, who doesn't put you both down at every turn and didn't cause major damage to your DH's mental health for the first 25 years of his life. I hope that this is case for you, sadly for many, it is not.

I would say that of all the people I have ever known my MIL has said more unkind things to me than anyone else ever has...particularly in my 20's, when I was a vulnerable new Mum, miles away from my own DM/wider family, my DH hadn't yet become the man he is today, and so I always remained extremely polite to her despite her putdowns. Thankfully we don't live nearby to her any longer and I now brush it off and laugh at her snidey comments.

Neodymium · 02/01/2023 20:35

My MIL is completely disinterested in our family. We see her once a year at Xmas. This year, she came Boxing Day with sil and then decided to leave when bil left with him, but didn’t say goodbye or thanks for having me to me. I had no idea she was leaving (I was the host).

She didn’t come to visit me in hospital with any of the children, claiming it was too far (though with middle ds she decided, 3 months before my due date, to book a visit to see a ‘last minute’ trip to see a dying relative, and booked for 2 weeks either side of my due date). Sil had her 2 children in the same hospital and it wasn’t too far for her to visit then.

she never shows any interest in anything my kids do, and when they show her things they have done, she just says ‘yes that’s fine’ no praise or anything.

one day she will be lonely in a nursing home and my kids will not want to visit her as they have no relationship with her.

Ariautec · 02/01/2023 21:53

Neodymium · 02/01/2023 20:35

My MIL is completely disinterested in our family. We see her once a year at Xmas. This year, she came Boxing Day with sil and then decided to leave when bil left with him, but didn’t say goodbye or thanks for having me to me. I had no idea she was leaving (I was the host).

She didn’t come to visit me in hospital with any of the children, claiming it was too far (though with middle ds she decided, 3 months before my due date, to book a visit to see a ‘last minute’ trip to see a dying relative, and booked for 2 weeks either side of my due date). Sil had her 2 children in the same hospital and it wasn’t too far for her to visit then.

she never shows any interest in anything my kids do, and when they show her things they have done, she just says ‘yes that’s fine’ no praise or anything.

one day she will be lonely in a nursing home and my kids will not want to visit her as they have no relationship with her.

But I can say that about my parents. Disinterested. That is the way they are, not because they are the ‘in-laws’ ( they are that too) but just because they want their own life. I think it reflects the lack of role models they had, being brought up themselves by ineffective parents.

My parents went abroad when my first DC was two days old. They came for Christmas dinner when the same child was three weeks old and didn't lift a finger ( me post cesarian). They moved abroad, they didn't keep in regular contact, no normal family events attended. They missed my DC’s christening because ‘the flights were expensive’. They've missed family funerals, supporting me as a single parent, house moves, key celebrations in my DC’s lives.
Now my DC’s are quite indifferent to them, the relationship is lax, contact very infrequent. My parents are back in this country, but often lonely. They don't make an effort for any of us, never invite us anywhere or celebrate with us.

But that is them, as parents and inlaws, not only as inlaws.

sidesplittinglol · 03/01/2023 12:59

NantsIngonyamaBagithiBaba · 01/01/2023 14:12

Agree.
The majority of MIL threads I read, I think the DIL is the problem and being rather pathetically controlling.

Don't get me started on the ones who blame their hormones for being a twat to their MIL, yet strangely don't have the same feelings towards anyone in their family.

This.

Neodymium · 03/01/2023 13:17

Ariautec · 02/01/2023 21:53

But I can say that about my parents. Disinterested. That is the way they are, not because they are the ‘in-laws’ ( they are that too) but just because they want their own life. I think it reflects the lack of role models they had, being brought up themselves by ineffective parents.

My parents went abroad when my first DC was two days old. They came for Christmas dinner when the same child was three weeks old and didn't lift a finger ( me post cesarian). They moved abroad, they didn't keep in regular contact, no normal family events attended. They missed my DC’s christening because ‘the flights were expensive’. They've missed family funerals, supporting me as a single parent, house moves, key celebrations in my DC’s lives.
Now my DC’s are quite indifferent to them, the relationship is lax, contact very infrequent. My parents are back in this country, but often lonely. They don't make an effort for any of us, never invite us anywhere or celebrate with us.

But that is them, as parents and inlaws, not only as inlaws.

Show quote history

It’s sad isn’t it. Some people just aren’t interested. Probably the first to complain too when they are old and no one visits them. It’s a two way street in my opinion. If you don’t have time for children or grandchildren and don’t build a relationship with them, then don’t expect them to care for you when you need it.

dhs dad is if possible worse than mil. He pissed off overseas to live (‘there’s nothing for me here’) and the only contact we have is conspiracy theory crazy crap. He has never shown the slightest interest in our kids and has only met 1 as a baby before he moved.

I tell dh that when department of foreign affairs ring to say he’s died over there I will not be paying to repatriate his remains.

PrinceHaz · 25/02/2023 14:26

I don’t agree. Sometimes I get that vibe but very often they only go to the trouble of writing about the problems they have with their MIL because they genuinely do have them.
Key themes are often: cutting child’s hair without mentioning it, nasty comments about their house, looks etc, favouritism of other family members, letting themselves into the house without any notice, staying in the house for long sojourns and son leaving them with his wife while he goes to work.
These things are all unpleasant for a daughter in law and fair enough to get upset about.

SerafinasGoose · 25/02/2023 15:19

MiL threads (and wedding ones) draw maximum participation and optimum conflict. It's fairly clear a none-too-small proportion of threads on both these themes are wind-ups.

Just the other day, one MiL thread became so patently ridiculous that not even MNHQ were buying it anymore. The thread was pulled.

Ladysodor · 25/02/2023 15:24

I’m 60 years old this year. My MIL died last year at the age of 87. After a few early years of misunderstandings we forged a nice relationship. Believe me, most of the stories here (all very petty and childish) will soon be a distant memory. It’s honestly not worth all the effort of keeping a grudge forever.