He sounds a lot like my df in some ways, who was also, most likely, an undiagnosed autist, and a wonderful person. Our situation wasn’t as extreme but I recognise a lot in what you have described - his priorities were unusual. He worked very hard on the upkeep of the house, but it became quite dilapidated because he didn’t focus on the right things.
He struggled to hold down a job, despite having some amazing opportunities and being head hunted and offered directorships on at least two occasions. He was a genius, but also incapable in other ways.
When he retired in his mid forties he invested in the stock market and became paper rich, but then couldn’t spend it because he was obsessed about the numbers.
The bottom line on MN is always work; nobody has value except through their labour and that deeply entrenched capitalism is necessarily ablest. It’s a little bit more complicated when you love someone who has a disability.
I’m not going to advise you to go or stay because there’s no simple happy ending. I was that embarrassed kid - I still am, and it has influenced the way I raise my dc and keep my home. But it has also shaped my empathy and awareness, and probably made me a much better mum to a ND child. I loved my df and I’m glad we lived with him.
You have to deal within the reality you have, not how it should be in an ideal world. You have a number of choices ahead of you and the best thing you can do is get as much, solid information as you can, and make clear headed decisions.
Being a single parent has pros and cons. It might be worth thinking about what it would be like to take on the mental burden of being a single parent while living in the same house and remaining married. Is that a better or worse proposition?
If the house cannot be sold, then you might need to come up with a long term plan for its upkeep that doesn’t require his input or organisation. What would you do if he wasn’t there? Then do that.
You might need to make some clear eyed financial assessments of what you can afford. It’s not helpful to yearn after his lost earnings because they just don’t exist. But perhaps you could look into disability supports? And a diagnosis might be helpful.
If you could afford it, it might be helpful to consult with an occupational therapist specialising in adults. They could advise you, if he’s not going to engage directly, and even if by some miracle he did, you should still look for that support and advice for yourself.
But what I’m saying ultimately is to seek out real professional advice, be it legal, financial or psychological and from the facts figure out the direction that you’re going to take.