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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
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9
butterpuffed · 31/12/2022 16:55

Dread to think what it would be like if there was actually an important decision to be made between Op and partner .

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 31/12/2022 16:55

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 16:52

😂I had that Pope round. Asked him to bring crackers, the stingy fucker fobbed me off with a load of stale communion wafers. Never again.

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Did he remember the wine though?!

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 16:55

You’re very very busy OP with a very full life

if you’re starting a thread about the man you’re seeing 9 months in… pissed off with him and suspecting stingy, then I’d be pretty confident the relationship has no legs whatsoever and why bother wasting more time

SkylightSkylight · 31/12/2022 16:55

BackBeatTheWord · 31/12/2022 15:34

e.g we went to the theatre, he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50

That is stingy as fuck. If he can afford theatre tickets he can afford not to chase up £1.50 a week later! That would massively put me off.

Except with more dripping, that's not what happened!

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 16:56

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 16:55

You’re very very busy OP with a very full life

if you’re starting a thread about the man you’re seeing 9 months in… pissed off with him and suspecting stingy, then I’d be pretty confident the relationship has no legs whatsoever and why bother wasting more time

Yeah must be hugely busy to make this post

Not buying it. OP just needs to dump him and move on instead of keeping a backup plan hanging about.

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 31/12/2022 16:56

Why don't you text him and ask him to bring a full roast whilst you are at it op?
Cutlery and plates?
Glasses?
See how far it can go, you'll never have to prepare again.

Hibye23289 · 31/12/2022 16:56

Why does he only work part time??

ShandaLear · 31/12/2022 16:57

Its one thing to bring over a bottle of wine and a box of After Eights, it’s quite another to be asked to provide a whole extra course ON THE WAY to dinner with 9 people you don’t really know. For me, it wouldn’t be about the expense as such, but I would be a bit 😬about picking something they all liked, whether they had any allergies, and what was even available.

Cosycover · 31/12/2022 16:57

So what did he bring?

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 16:57

e.g we went to the theatre, he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50

and you have sex with this man OP?

ilovesooty · 31/12/2022 16:58

TwoMonthsOff · 31/12/2022 16:28

he was fretting about £1.50 the whole time and looking for an opportunity to ask for it with absolutely no self awareness at all. Uuuuuugh horrible, petty minded tight wad
I would have dumped then and there, why do people tolerate this

How have you gathered he was "fretting" or "looking for an opportunity"?

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 31/12/2022 16:58

ShandaLear · 31/12/2022 16:57

Its one thing to bring over a bottle of wine and a box of After Eights, it’s quite another to be asked to provide a whole extra course ON THE WAY to dinner with 9 people you don’t really know. For me, it wouldn’t be about the expense as such, but I would be a bit 😬about picking something they all liked, whether they had any allergies, and what was even available.

There's also the fact that most shops close at four today and op started this thread late afternoon.

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 16:58

MarysGirlChildWasLate4ChristmasDay · 31/12/2022 16:55

Did he remember the wine though?!

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Thin stuff, acidic & pale.

While he tanked his way through my extensive merlot cellar & left without so much as a bless this house. I am so DONE with these holy potentates.

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 16:58

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 16:56

Yeah must be hugely busy to make this post

Not buying it. OP just needs to dump him and move on instead of keeping a backup plan hanging about.

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I mean you can have a very full busy life and still have time to mooch on the Internet a bit?!

Blossomtoes · 31/12/2022 16:58

BadNomad · 31/12/2022 16:41

You made him responsible for dessert for 8 people he doesn't know! What if some of them don't like chocolate, or don't like cold desserts, or can't stand coconut etc. He probably wants to make a good impression with your family, so I do think it actually was a big ask for him to potentially disappoint some people with dessert.

I'm guessing he wanted you to be specific. To tell him exactly what to get, so he wouldn't mess it up.

This. We had a big family dinner a couple of days ago. We provided food for a vegan, a vegetarian, someone who’s gluten intolerant and someone who can’t have alcohol even as an ingredient. Imagine tasking a relative stranger with buying puddings for that crowd, I’m used to it and it still makes my brain hurt sometimes.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 16:58

Fuxake, I'd be re-evaluating this 'relationship' tbh. Confused He sounds so lame and drippy. Also very curious as to why you can't just RING him. Why all the fucking about, trying to bloody message back and forth? Just RING HIM @sleeplessinsouthhampton

Why does nobody SPEAK to each other anymore? Hmm

BlueTick · 31/12/2022 16:58

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 17:00

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 16:58

I mean you can have a very full busy life and still have time to mooch on the Internet a bit?!

Show quote history

The post took longer than a phone call to say go and get cheesecake.

Busy people don't waste time like this, unproductive people do

Dump him or call him.

starfishmummy · 31/12/2022 17:01

A couple of packs of chocolate mini donuts and a carton of cream would be under a fiver. Yanbu.

TimeToFlyNow · 31/12/2022 17:01

Bloody hell, it's not that difficult to pick up some desserts

Outtasteamandluck · 31/12/2022 17:03

OP please come back and tell us how it went.

misslucy92 · 31/12/2022 17:04

TimeToFlyNow · 31/12/2022 17:01

Bloody hell, it's not that difficult to pick up some desserts

It is when you write him a few minutes before shops close.

He probably asked while at the supermarket but no one knows if he was still there when she told him what to bring.

Also lots of stuff is sold out.

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 17:04

Besides which he's only a casual shag/person to bring along to dinner party to not be the odd single one anyway, so yeah it's a big ask for him to go and get stuff really.

MenopausalMe · 31/12/2022 17:05

Taking the £1.50 booking fee would have been a deal breaker.

Stingy people who keep asking what can they bring then finding reasons why what you’ve asked for is a problem also deal breakers. The constant asking is because they never usually contribute anything but feel for some reason they need to this time so they are clueless and trying to get out of it without looking stingy.

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 17:05

TimeToFlyNow · 31/12/2022 17:01

Bloody hell, it's not that difficult to pick up some desserts

But when you have no idea about the guests, literally none.

He sounds very uptight about money (£1.50 booking charge a week later!)

OP sounds very bloody disorganised and quick to judge

It’s dead in the water and neither sound like people I’d want to date