New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

[sleeplessinsouthhampton]

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

Well then he could just have said I've already left or there's no desserts couldn't he

Although what's the point asking if op needed anything if hed already left

Oooh room for a couple more? Dd is very good at orienteering.

Has he brought anything op?

If he's stressed by the thought of walking into a shop & picking up some ready made puddings, he's probably not the right man for multi-tasking, upfront OP.

Most people want to make a good impression when going to their first family meal.

Meeting all the siblings and their partners together in one room for the first time when you know all eyes are on you, is a pretty big deal.

I’d judge him more if he wasn’t stressed about it.

I'd have been a bit confused by your message.

Planning dinner but not dessert? Especially on a special occasion? I mean, what!! No pudding? 😱 (I'm being serious btw).

But then seemingly you aren't anti pudding and all him to get some

But are still ambivilent about whether it's needed.

To me, it's like inviting someone for dinner and then asking them to pick up the main course 'if they fancy it'.

This. It's not a big deal. Is he generally incompetent when it comes to the minutiae of day-to-day life, as I'm not sure I'd have the patience to put up with that in a relationship?

a hint of stinginess ...maybe....i haven't quite sussed that out well enough to be sure......e.g we went to the theatre, he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50-

Urgh I missed that bit when I posted on page 9!

Fuck me, do yourself a favour @sleeplessinsouthhampton DUMP his ass. THIS ^ along with you saying earlier in the thread that he is stingy and keeps comparing his house with yours, and all this clearly not wanting to spend money on desserts for nine (that would cost no more than a tenner!) would have me running for the hills. He sounds repugnant to me.

Run a MILE mate

The whole thing is ick. I don't want anything other than a casual thing cos I'm really busy but I'm going to make a big deal when you can't be bothered to treat this as anything other than a casual thing.

He works part time? Definitely no issues with money? No children or ex?

Ah… I see why you are in a relationship with him despite not really seeming to like him very much 😂

Let me guess…. He’s bloody rich and semi retired

Confused

Are you the Op?

Ah i get it!! Agreed

Yeah if it's not a casual thing. If it is then who gives a toss.

Pope Benedict XVI?

Enjoy the dinner op and please let us know what Eberneezer brought 😂
🍽

well he's now MIA - i said come 4:30 ish, dinner 5:30 ish and am at the point of needing to put on veg

he's never been late or flaky before - maybe he is making a pavlova?

shall i put veg on or hold off ....everyone else here

More a pallava than a pavlova 😂🤣😂

Sort of wondering whether he’s decided to break up or whether he’s making a really fancy dessert😅

Yikes! Getting messy OP, put on your veg I say!

I would have noped out at the £1.50 point of this story too, I'm afraid. He's being very ungracious. If he was worried about what to buy, he'd simply have asked for clarification, not complained about the 'big ask'.

YOu still haven't called him??

I would have taken the call from the supermarket to mean is there anything you've forgotten type call.
Dessert for 9 people an hour or so before would have seemed a bit odd

This is a windup surely, you're now asking us whether you should put veg on 😂instead of calling your casual fling who's now MIA

Don’t wait. Tell him not to bother coming.

You need to call him. People on the internet need closure.