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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
AlloftheTime · 01/01/2023 05:16

This is a spoof right?
I'm so disappointed …..

randomusername666 · 01/01/2023 05:29

Nudity · 31/12/2022 22:31

You don’t go to someone’s dinner party empty handed.

The End.

You haven't met my husbands family 😕

Thingiemajig · 01/01/2023 05:38

Omg I’m on tender hooks. I need to know what dessert he bought?

excelledyourself · 01/01/2023 05:55

Deliveryyyy!

(That'll be £1.50 please)

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
DarkNecessities · 01/01/2023 06:15

If I had previously been told just drink and already sorted that it would be annoying.

My text would have been to see if there was anything you may have forgotten, like a lemon, ice, cream etc

TakeMe2Insanity · 01/01/2023 07:04

Did he even come to dinner???

Jaxinthebox · 01/01/2023 07:28

ive just read this thread... did he come to dinner? Did he bring home made pavlova? ice cream? cheesecake? nothing?

HomeTheatreSystem · 01/01/2023 07:35

His attempts to contribute to the evening and the business about the £1.50 booking fee make him sound a bit socially awkward.

Legrandetraitor · 01/01/2023 07:47

WHERE IS MY UPDATE -(said in the voice of Daenerys looking for her dragons)

2023 off to a devastating start with no update here

Mexicola · 01/01/2023 07:53

@sleeplessinsouthhampton did he show up? Please update us!!

BloodyAutocarrot · 01/01/2023 08:25

Honestly, how clueless. You'd think by his age he would have catered for a few people, enough to know a dessert can be a selection of individual items

@Daisy4569 well, I'm in my 50s and I've never been to or hosted a dinner party and would be concerned over the etiquette, so he could be the same. Added to that he doesn't know these people so potentially there's the added "oh shit, what does everyone like? Anyone have allergies?!" and been desperate to do the "right" thing (which would've made me rather anxious at one time in his position)

Aussiegirl123456 · 01/01/2023 08:25

@sleeplessinsouthhampton please come back! Stop enjoying your life for five mins and update us! ;-)

Daisy4569 · 01/01/2023 08:29

@BloodyAutocarrot not my message!

CandidaAlbicans2 · 01/01/2023 08:32

No. No. No. this isn't about money. If you ask someone on the day if they need anything, you mean something theyve r forgotten - a jar of mayonnaise, serviettes etc some thing you pick up on your way from the supermarket. Not an entire blooming course for 9 people you've never met when the host is going to big time trouble for the rest of it!

Totally agree @arethereanyleftatall There was a time I would've been panicked if put in his position. It would've been way too short notice for me to think and buy what could be considered the right thing, and I'd be worrying that I'd do it "wrong" and be judged eg people don't like what I've bought, allergies, etc. Even worse that this is the first time he's met them all in a group. I think it's a "big ask" as he said to suddenly be asked to bring a whole course!

BloodyAutocarrot · 01/01/2023 08:37

BloodyAutocarrot · 01/01/2023 08:25

Honestly, how clueless. You'd think by his age he would have catered for a few people, enough to know a dessert can be a selection of individual items

@Daisy4569 well, I'm in my 50s and I've never been to or hosted a dinner party and would be concerned over the etiquette, so he could be the same. Added to that he doesn't know these people so potentially there's the added "oh shit, what does everyone like? Anyone have allergies?!" and been desperate to do the "right" thing (which would've made me rather anxious at one time in his position)

Sorry @Daisy4569 wrong Daisy. It was meant for @daisychain01

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 01/01/2023 08:41

Back21970 · 31/12/2022 22:46

Some people have very low standards to not think he is tight over the £1.50 although suppose it could have been a joke……

And OP only mentioned pudding as a suggestion when he asked a second time, first time she said bring nothing.

I am no man hater but amazed he’s being defended on here.

There would need to be a very good reason for him ignoring her calls and being late too, in my opinion.

Entertaining thread though, although seriously hope OP’s night is going well (and I am checking every 5 minute for an update!)

Show quote history

@Back21970 oooooh I have so much to catch up on now lol, yes we could give him the benefit of the doubt, the £1.50 was probably a joke but a poor taste one and that's another issue altogether now 🤣🤣

user147283179 · 01/01/2023 08:44

I would also panic if I was in the shop and all of a sudden told I need to source dessert for 9 people. Especially if they were people I didn't know very well and had no idea of preferences etc. Also wouldn't know if you would find it acceptable for me to get frozen or whether you'd expect a bit more for a nice family lunch. It doesn't matter much about you saying you're easy with what he gets as that's what people say to he polite. I think you definitely should have given him some suggestions if you wanted dessert.

KettrickenSmiled · 01/01/2023 09:04

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2022 20:50

But we don't know what kind of dinner party it is!! In many circles frozen desserts from Asda would be completely inappropriate. Cost is irrelevant.

Show quote history

Of course we know. It's a family dinner. And OP has already told him it doesn't matter what he gets.

The amount of PP who seem to be discombobulated by the simple process of walking into a Spar & scooping up a bagful of cheap puds is amazing,

KettrickenSmiled · 01/01/2023 09:06

DifferenceEngines · 31/12/2022 21:01

Exactly. A lot of people would be thinking that they have to prepare something really fancy, especially when there's partners kids that they don't know well. My own husband would be horrified, and would be madly whipping cream.

Show quote history

A lot of people didn't even read the initial post. Where OP says he messaged her FROM THE SHOPS asking her if she needed anything. I doubt he brought his whisk with him, so no cream-whipping required.

Stripedbag101 · 01/01/2023 09:13

I remember asking what I could bring to a friends birthday dinner that she was hosting. She said the hot food😫😫.

I was so taken aback I did it. For twenty people. Never offered again.

desert for nine people is too much to expect a guest to bring. Particularly at short notice.

ItsNotReallyChaos · 01/01/2023 09:15

I can see how this has all come about but whatever the explanation I wouldn't want him as a partner.

ShutTheFrontDory · 01/01/2023 09:15

growgrowinggrown · 31/12/2022 15:06

I would have thought you already had dessert organised, bit different if you had asked a few days ago or for a tub of cream.
I wouldn't read too much into it, i think miscommunication rather than anything untoward.

Why does she have to provide a dessert too? YANBU OP he sounds high maintenance. He shouldn't have offered if he wasn't willing to actually contribute.

ShutTheFrontDory · 01/01/2023 09:17

@Keyansier @Onnabugeisha One cheesecake that costs £5 isn't pushing the bloody boat out exactly is it!!!

Username6194 · 01/01/2023 09:21

I'm very invested in this ! Did he show?

ShutTheFrontDory · 01/01/2023 09:25

We're strong, independent women on here but apparently buying a ready made dessert from a shop has some of you panicking?? Jesus...

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