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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Bleachmycloths · 31/12/2022 23:50

He’s a bloke and probably has no idea about what to bring 🤣

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 31/12/2022 23:50

The poor bloke turned up with a tin of smart price peaches.. Op is currently in the garden with the security light on and a spade..

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/12/2022 23:58

Were the desserts yellow stickered?

RogueV · 01/01/2023 00:04

F

Daisy4569 · 01/01/2023 00:09

Can’t believe I’m still checking for an update on the desserts!

Outtasteamandluck · 01/01/2023 00:14

I NEED TO KNOW

MeinKraft · 01/01/2023 00:16

WimbyAce · 31/12/2022 23:45

I do feel a bit sorry for the chap. Can just imagine the sheer panic and immediate regret that he asked if you needed anything 😨

He was in the shop though! All he had to do was walk to the section where they keep the desserts and lift a couple of pavlovas or something.

hiddeneverythin · 01/01/2023 00:28

F though someone posted about a dessert....?

Turkeytwizzlerz · 01/01/2023 00:34

Oh no, did he arrive in the end?!

SqueakySquirrel · 01/01/2023 00:36

No update?!! My first major disappointment of 2023 Confused

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/01/2023 00:36

🙄

Wibbly1008 · 01/01/2023 00:41

This is actually very helpful. You have found out he is a tight arsed Pratt in time to get rid of him ready for the new year! He gave you an extra gift, take it and run. This guy has issues.

Meezerbabas · 01/01/2023 00:47

It would be over for me too ….He has the mean gene 😆

Quweenie · 01/01/2023 00:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Spookysparkles · 01/01/2023 00:52

It’s really not a big ask money wise at all, as other PPs have said.
It sounds like he might not be that experienced/ Confident in cooking or pulling together a quick dessert- So he feels a bit anxious about making a wrong choice. When you break it down it’s super easy ie. 2x cheesecakes and cream right?, but he seems overwhelmed and not confident in making that choice. I get the feeling that if you had said ok bring 2x bottles of ‘specific white wine’ he would have sorted that no worries. I would call him to sort it out x

Jewelanemone · 01/01/2023 01:09

I've read 24 pages of this and no bloody update?

Damn.

BlackFlyChardonnay · 01/01/2023 01:15

OK I need to know if he arrived and if he brought dessert.

Starting off a new year being overly invested in nonsense on mumsnet. I never change.

RoseGoldEagle · 01/01/2023 01:20

I expect he was thinking you’d say ‘oh ok yeah can you get some crisps, or a soft drink, or bottle of Prosecco’, or something very specific, and to him being told ‘actually yes you can provide one of the courses for everyone’ was too much. (Even though essentially that means getting a couple of ready made desserts or a selection of mini desserts or whatever, which to me isn’t a big deal- but I can see how it might have been for him.)

sammyjoanne · 01/01/2023 01:26

OP probably was busy entertaining and hasnt had chance to come on MN. Hopefully he turned up.

BungleandGeorge · 01/01/2023 01:59

dont bring anything went to an entire course for 9 people on the afternoon of the event😆 I think he panicked because he wouldn’t know any of their dietary requirements or preferences and probably thought a shop bought cheesecake would be a bit crap to turn up at a dinner party with! Stock is probably low on New Year’s Eve afternoon too.

Justforthissnippet · 01/01/2023 02:03

Now I'm imagining a dessert version of the Friends episode where Phoebe is put in charge of ice!

@Headabovetheparakeet um…CUPS and ice thank you very much.

Read whole thread with increasing alarm as no update was forthcoming :(

OP had it under control - mince pies and choc. It was an optional extra request, not an integral part of the evening. I’d not be impressed with him either.

NameChagaiiiin · 01/01/2023 02:05

At 2am with no update, I can only hope OP is in a pavlova induced coma.

That or he's still walking the closed aisles of waitrose in a panic.

Aussiegirl88 · 01/01/2023 02:44

Did he end up turning up or just disappeared?

Maybe the dessert really was such a big ask he thought "bugger this im going home"

We must know the ending!

Saddaughterinlawagain · 01/01/2023 02:48

Did he turn up?????

Alliswells · 01/01/2023 04:49

What did he bring?????