New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

[sleeplessinsouthhampton]

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

But we don't know what kind of dinner party it is!! In many circles frozen desserts from Asda would be completely inappropriate. Cost is irrelevant.

He took the £1.50 when you'd just bought him a coffee?

Well we do know OP told him it didn’t matter what, so I think it’s fair to assume she wasn’t expecting anything special.

I think it's the phrase 'a big ask' when you're sorting everything else that would grate.... not to mention the £1.50 and comments about your house...

Arctic roll would be my go to, you can't go wrong with that 😃

Mumsnet and their red flags ! 😂

Yanbu

All the posters bending over themselves over ‘the menz can’t be expected to buy some chocolate mousse’ I despair.

Exactly. A lot of people would be thinking that they have to prepare something really fancy, especially when there's partners kids that they don't know well. My own husband would be horrified, and would be madly whipping cream.

This thread is a great giggle if nothing else 🤣

Well based on the op I'd say that I kinda understand him. It wouldn't occur to me to take a supermarket cake so I'd be worri3d about rushing to make something. But now it seems he's quite stingy and ghosted you?

I would be too @DifferenceEngines
It isn't about what the op would expect me to bring, but rather what I'd be happy bringing myself, and frozen desserts from Asda aren't that.

Are Viennetas still a thing?

Or what did Abigail serve...

In many circles frozen desserts from Asda would be completely inappropriate. Cost is irrelevant.

Oh ffs the OP has not indicated this. If she expects gourmet then she is unreasonable clearly and the bloke should run a mile. But he’s just tight and doesn’t actually want to contribute.

Sigh. Did you miss the bit where OP was going to give mince pies or chocolate to anyone who wanted anything? It’s a family dinner.

Does this really sound like a fancy dinner where he has to prepare something really fancy?

Ooo yes good shout 👍🏻

@poefaced not to anyone who has any common sense and isn’t a DM bot anyway …

Oooh, Vienetta. Two or three of those and he's sorted. 👍

I bet everyone was too full up for pud anyway 🤣

I hope OPs having a lovely evening, and that new man has redeemed himself with something wonderful for dessert, and is being such a fabulous guest that she's way too occupied to revisit this thread.

He'll take it home with him after. That will be another red flag.

Fingers crossed @Hayliebells as there's nothing worse than a stingy partner! (I know there can be a lot worse but this is a huge turn off!)

Also, looking at the ASDA website there's a lovely Toblerone cheesecake...which takes 4-5 hours to defrost, pavlova 3 1/2 hours. OP gave him approx 2 1/2 hours notice.

Phew! 😊

Different families are different. There is no bloody way I'd ever show up at my in-laws with a supermarket cheesecake!

Asda also does a nice range of chilled desserts, no defrosting required.