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AIBU?

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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
AutumnCrow · 31/12/2022 20:10

Maybe a huge cake will be delivered and he'll jump out of it, and give the OP her £1.50 in a special presentation box.

spirit20 · 31/12/2022 20:14

I actually agree with the posters saying that it's a bit much to tell someone at very short notice that they're responsible for providing dessert for 9 people. I'd panic, and maybe feel a bit put out, if I were asked to do that. Even moreso when it's people I haven't met before and I have no idea of what they'd like etc. There's a difference between bring a bottle of wine and desserts for 9 people!

He's also clearly not being tight as he specifically asked twice if he could bring anything.

Pleasecreateausername13 · 31/12/2022 20:18

Come on OP!! Surely you’ve had the meal by now! Put us out our misery!!!!!!

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2022 20:20

No. No. No. this isn't about money. If you ask someone on the day if they need anything, you mean something theyve r forgotten - a jar of mayonnaise, serviettes etc some thing you pick up on your way from the supermarket.

Not an entire blooming course for 9 people you've never met when the host is going to big time trouble for the rest of it!

For dinner we have..

Hand rolled sesame pastry prawn tempura with home made chilli dip

Rosemary infused lamb with home made mint jelly, seasonal veg and dauphinois potatoes

Oh, and Bob had bought dessert. cheesecakes from Aldi.

Yabu. It's not fair to spring that on someone.

ExeterMa · 31/12/2022 20:24

My thoughts exactly. Everyone apart from @HotChoxs sees this behaviour as concerning but they don't seem to be doubting the shaky ground of their argument AT ALL!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 31/12/2022 20:24

Naunet · 31/12/2022 19:41

Because women all so desperately need a man 🥺

Show quote history

This.

I’d sooner be single than put up with someone who would take £1.50 from me and is incapable of choosing a couple of puddings (or too stingy to pay for them). Supply issues or not.

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 31/12/2022 20:25

@BadNomad Or this

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
daisychain01 · 31/12/2022 20:28

Here we are, the puddings have arrived.

Plenty for all Grin

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 31/12/2022 20:29

I would hate to be asked, last minute, to buy desert for 9 people I don’t really know!

just cause I don’t care for desert myself, but know that some people love it and would have high expectations. I would also be flummoxed by quantity… and quality! You can’t really bring a Tesco cheese cake or Gu pots exactly… maybe ice cream?

But maybe it is a money thing? The £1.50 eoukd make me feel embarrassed 😳

misslucy92 · 31/12/2022 20:29

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2022 20:20

No. No. No. this isn't about money. If you ask someone on the day if they need anything, you mean something theyve r forgotten - a jar of mayonnaise, serviettes etc some thing you pick up on your way from the supermarket.

Not an entire blooming course for 9 people you've never met when the host is going to big time trouble for the rest of it!

For dinner we have..

Hand rolled sesame pastry prawn tempura with home made chilli dip

Rosemary infused lamb with home made mint jelly, seasonal veg and dauphinois potatoes

Oh, and Bob had bought dessert. cheesecakes from Aldi.

Yabu. It's not fair to spring that on someone.

Agree

Back21970 · 31/12/2022 20:30

I’ve re read the OP’s post and can’t see any sign that she is ‘stringing him along’ so I’m missing something here.

She has a busier life than him and they have only been seeing each other 9 months - she obviously cares for him to invite him to a NYE meal with family.

I am home alone and probably over invested but I’ll be checking the thread all night for the outcome of desert gate 😀

Isthisexpected · 31/12/2022 20:33

He sounds about 20. Frozen desserts from Asda etc is not a big ask it's the most basic of adult functions to be able to select something generic. If he didn't want to buy anything he shouldn't have offered. It isn't polite to offer just to be polite! If you'd said yes please make dessert and he can't cook or bake then sure. Not a keeper OP!

CantMakeHeadNorTail · 31/12/2022 20:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Zippedydoo123 · 31/12/2022 20:39

This thread is very entertaining.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2022 20:39

Honestly, how clueless. You'd think by his age he would have catered for a few people, enough to know a dessert can be a selection of individual items like chocolate mouse, limoncello, crème caramel, or an apple pie + a crumble + sticky toffee pudding. Maybe a box or 2 of mince pies only 59p in Waitrose

who cares, it's just a gesture of support.

Has he got zero initiative and imagination. Not impressed.

Xanorra · 31/12/2022 20:39

I didn’t know until today that cheesecake is the universal dinner party dessert…
I wouldn’t blame him for being daunted tbh. What if some of the guests don’t like /are allergic to dairy, fruit, nuts? How is he supposed to choose a dessert that everyone will eat when he barely knows them?

poefaced · 31/12/2022 20:40

Isthisexpected · 31/12/2022 20:33

He sounds about 20. Frozen desserts from Asda etc is not a big ask it's the most basic of adult functions to be able to select something generic. If he didn't want to buy anything he shouldn't have offered. It isn't polite to offer just to be polite! If you'd said yes please make dessert and he can't cook or bake then sure. Not a keeper OP!

Exactly! And he knew all OP was planning to serve was some left over mince pies and chocolate, so it was pretty obvious she would have been happy with anything.

Notthetoothfairy · 31/12/2022 20:41

nzeire · 31/12/2022 17:26

He took the 1.50???!!!

that would be all over for me!

Same. £1.50 says he’ll try to charge OP for whatever contribution he ends up bringing.

birder · 31/12/2022 20:43

Time for OP to take a 'comfort break', so we can get on with our evenings.

Backtoblack1 · 31/12/2022 20:43

Has he shown up?

BadNomad · 31/12/2022 20:44

Everyone tucking in to Bob's last-minute homemade trifle.

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
quackquackwoof · 31/12/2022 20:48

F

MyOtherCarIsAHearse · 31/12/2022 20:48

I so want to know what happened! I bet he turned up with loads of stuff after a panic about what to buy and then demanded OP paid half.

Wakk · 31/12/2022 20:49

Any sign?

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 31/12/2022 20:50

How the conversation should have gone

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal