New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

[sleeplessinsouthhampton]

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

I hope he turned up @sleeplessinsouthhampton and if he didn’t then I think it’s a good thing you’re not too invested in him. I’ve been there with the young child, full time job and parent carer - it really does leave you will very little time for yourself at all, it sounds to me like you’re doing brilliantly juggling a choir in there as well !

HotChoxs you sound like you'd rather like the fella for yourself 😁

Because women all so desperately need a man 🥺

I think they are still wading through a mountain of desserts.

Or he's buggered off, never to be seen again.

(Maybe it's the thought of being at a party of 9 rather than choosing a dessert that's scared him.)

No I just dislike people who call something casual and act like it's not. If it was casual then what's even the problem anyway.

I guess the people who are commenting like it's normal are quite happy to lead others on a merry dance.

What on earth are you talking about? Like I said, you have no idea if she’s told him or not so you can’t comment on her honesty, you’ve just made up your own narrative to get worked up over on behalf of all the poor menz 🙄

Another strawman

Didn't anyone ever teach you not to play with other people? Do you really have that low a standard for yourselves and others?

Has he turned up..... I need to know!!!

Don't think I'd pass up a lamb dinner for the sake of a few desserts - but I come from a huge family so maybe it was overwhelming for him?!

Although if he is joining you and your big family, and he finds it too much, maybe you're not a good match and it's a good thing you've discovered it at an early stage.

She's said on here it's a casual thing while moaning that he's not acting like a partner.

What's your problem exactly? Are you unable to observe this very simple and obvious discrepancy between what's she's saying and doing?

I'm guessing he turned up as surely if not,OP would have been back to update the thread,no news is good news ay?

Moaning about not acting as a partner?!! Where? Do you think only partners buy puddings or get an invite for dinner?

I can only guess someone led you on for months and hurt you and now you’re projecting.

@HotChoxs

Ok, either you are this man/ know him or you've been hurt by someone recently and are massively projecting. Maybe just calm down a bit.

what did he bring @sleeplessinsouthhampton ?

I think he was probably nervous about the big meal and then the thought of bringing dessert tipped him over the edge. I reckon he went ott and bought loads to cover all bases.

Now I'm imagining a dessert version of the Friends episode where Phoebe is put in charge of ice!

Didn't realise that so many people here

a) invite their casual partners to buy dessert for their 4 kids and elderly parents
b) choose partners that thinks a dessert must be a crappy £10 cheesecake

😂

Irony of that comment. 😂

I reckon he's bought something boringly predictable and totally missed his moment to shine.

Same!

Here's dave, we're just casually shagging, and he's stingy, but he's brought some aldi cheesecake for dessert😂😂

😂😂😂

Cups and ice!

The £1.50 incident would have been it for me.
There’s a big day difference between having to be careful and being downright tight.

The OP's dining room right now.

I missed the end.... Did he show???!!

No, he's stingy. And weird.
"abit stingey before and also comparing my house to his etc"

Who does that?

It's not a good sign.