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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
BadNomad · 31/12/2022 19:01

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 18:48

It's not a joke if he took the money back. For him to actually take £1.50 off of op is nothing but ick.

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Why? It's £1.50. Maybe that is nothing to him. Maybe he's the type of person who vacuums up pennies rather than pick them up because it's too insignificant an amount to care about. I don't think he really cared about it. It was just part of the joke.

FlowerArranger · 31/12/2022 19:01

Well clearly he has been a no-show and OP and her family are busy tucking into the dessert-less meal 😎

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:03

poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:59

She hasn’t said she’s not up for that. She’s sensibly taking things at her own pace.

If the pace is too slow for him, he’s a big boy and can end things.

She’s seen him twice in 9 days, that’s not unreasonable.

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This is not advice you'd give a woman here if the roles were reversed, you'd just say he's not into you and stop wasting your time on him.

Which is correct and he should stop wasting his time on her.

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 19:05

@BadNomad

I disagree. If I'm joking I wouldn't take the £1.50. My response would be 'don't be silly as if I want £1.50 back.' Which would be the response of most people I know.

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:06

BadNomad · 31/12/2022 19:01

Why? It's £1.50. Maybe that is nothing to him. Maybe he's the type of person who vacuums up pennies rather than pick them up because it's too insignificant an amount to care about. I don't think he really cared about it. It was just part of the joke.

Show quote history

Maybe the OP is not into him and so paints him in a crappy light over things which could easily be cleared up.

ThereIbledit · 31/12/2022 19:06

It sounds like she has been clear with him that there won't be more, and if he's not listening to that, well, that's on him.

Those proffiteroles look like they have butter with them. What the heck is it? And I very much hope there are two vats out of shot, one with rich chocolate ganache, one with salted caramel.

Swashbuckled · 31/12/2022 19:07

Americano75 · 31/12/2022 19:00

The word 'cheesecake' has basically lost all meaning now.

🤣

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:07

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:03

This is not advice you'd give a woman here if the roles were reversed, you'd just say he's not into you and stop wasting your time on him.

Which is correct and he should stop wasting his time on her.

Show quote history

It’s not in OP’s interests to rush things. She has a good life and a partner should add to it, it shouldn’t feel like an obligation.

Sounds like he could be a gold digger, with his comments about her house and salary. How dare she ask for a dessert with her salary 😂

He has hopefully learnt a lesson - don’t offer to bring something unless you mean it as you might get taken up on it!

Omgthishurts · 31/12/2022 19:07

I want creme brulee now

Newuser82 · 31/12/2022 19:07

It doesn't sound like he is coming. How strange!

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:08

ThereIbledit · 31/12/2022 19:06

It sounds like she has been clear with him that there won't be more, and if he's not listening to that, well, that's on him.

Those proffiteroles look like they have butter with them. What the heck is it? And I very much hope there are two vats out of shot, one with rich chocolate ganache, one with salted caramel.

And he's been clear it's a big ask to bring dessert and if she doesn't like it then that's on her.

BadNomad · 31/12/2022 19:09

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 19:05

@BadNomad

I disagree. If I'm joking I wouldn't take the £1.50. My response would be 'don't be silly as if I want £1.50 back.' Which would be the response of most people I know.

That's you. My response would be "Hold on 'til I work out what the interest on £1.50 is" then we'd both laugh because we know each other and get each other's sense of humour. But it's clear the OP doesn't understand this man, and so her interpretation of the event is from her point of view only.

OldFan · 31/12/2022 19:09

@ilovesooty She's invited him to a big family meal and stuff so not avoiding anything.

@KettrickenSmiled Not sure what that is but it looks very impressive. I'm glad you have pud as entertaining isn't the same without it IMHO, especially over Christmas/NY.

SunshineAndFizz · 31/12/2022 19:09

Here to find out if he ever showed. And what pud he brought.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:09

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:08

And he's been clear it's a big ask to bring dessert and if she doesn't like it then that's on her.

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OP doesn’t sound bothered, she’s got leftover mince pies!

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:09

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:07

It’s not in OP’s interests to rush things. She has a good life and a partner should add to it, it shouldn’t feel like an obligation.

Sounds like he could be a gold digger, with his comments about her house and salary. How dare she ask for a dessert with her salary 😂

He has hopefully learnt a lesson - don’t offer to bring something unless you mean it as you might get taken up on it!

Show quote history

There's rushing things, and then there's keeping it casual after 9 months. He's well within his rights to go off and shag someone else tonight😂

LivingDeadGirlUK · 31/12/2022 19:10

I could murder a cheesecake now!

NWQM · 31/12/2022 19:12

AuntieEntity · 31/12/2022 18:25

I'm just here to see if he turns up, don't mind me. 👀

Ditto

OldFan · 31/12/2022 19:12

Cheesecake is pretty boring, I wouldn't refuse it though Smile But IDK about the baked ones, they have a weird flavour.

OldFan · 31/12/2022 19:13

@NWQM OP posted under another name with a pic of an impressive pud he bought.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:13

LivingDeadGirlUK · 31/12/2022 19:10

I could murder a cheesecake now!

Make it a blueberry one (inside the cheese) and I’ll join you!

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:14

OldFan · 31/12/2022 19:13

@NWQM OP posted under another name with a pic of an impressive pud he bought.

@KettrickenSmiled isn’t the OP, she was just messing around 😂

Headabovetheparakeet · 31/12/2022 19:14

OldFan · 31/12/2022 19:13

@NWQM OP posted under another name with a pic of an impressive pud he bought.

Umm, that was a joke made by another poster.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:15

I love this thread, it’s given me a laugh 😊

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:15

@poefaced
Sounds like he could be a gold digger, with his comments about her house and salary. How dare she ask for a dessert with her salary

Yes, because this is incredibly realistic advice to give someone with 4 kids and elderly parents to look after.

Guys are just lining up all over, so keep it casual and don't bother to call them when there's some confusion. They might even be golddiggers.

Don't know what planet you're on personally.