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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
NewMoonPhase · 31/12/2022 18:51

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 15:21

a hint of stinginess ...maybe....i haven't quite sussed that out well enough to be sure

e.g we went to the theatre, he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50- wouldn't have been a problem at the point i paid for the ticket but just seemed stingey to make a point of it - i just wouldn't have thought about it

but to be fair that was my cost and i always pay my way and go halves on everything

Yes that's tight.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:52

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 18:50

Were you there watching this jokey interaction go down or something?

Show quote history

It’s not a jokey interaction when you actually take the £1.50 😂

Murdoch1949 · 31/12/2022 18:52

See a film script here.

poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:53

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 18:51

Aw yes, that's an excuse for stringing someone along, poor dear.

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What are you even taking about, HotChox? Do you even know at this stage?

birder · 31/12/2022 18:53

She was paying for the coffees when he took the £1.50 off her.

I seem to be the only poster who's bothered by this bit!

ThereIbledit · 31/12/2022 18:53

also overinvested in the proffered proffiteroles...

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 18:54

@HotChoxs Lool coming from you. You're the one who played out the scenario of back and forth joking like you were there 😂

It didn't come across that way at all when she explained it.

NewMoonPhase · 31/12/2022 18:54

What did he bring op?????

Lougle · 31/12/2022 18:54

Also, upbringings play a huge part in our lives. DH's family used to record, to the penny, what they owed each other. It took a while for me to convince him that it didn't matter if we spent a fiver on some bits at the shop for my parents, because they were likely to do the same in the next couple of weeks, etc.

ilovesooty · 31/12/2022 18:55

poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:50

Not sure why you’re guilt tripping OP then, for having a full and busy life. She has (in her words) a ‘full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well.’ And yet you seem to want her to prioritise this newish man.

Show quote history

I don't "want" her to do anything. It seems that he's indicated he'd like more and she's not up for that, so given the mismatch I'd be thinking about moving on if I were him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/12/2022 18:55

he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50

You say later that he actually took that £1.50 off you. To be honest, that would be the end of the relationship for me. I just couldn't be doing with that kind of thing.

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 18:55

birder · 31/12/2022 18:53

She was paying for the coffees when he took the £1.50 off her.

I seem to be the only poster who's bothered by this bit!

Wow missed this bit. It just gets worse which is hard to believe

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 18:56

poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:53

What are you even taking about, HotChox? Do you even know at this stage?

Show quote history

Oh please, keeping it casual after 9 months then coming on here to moan about a dessert they don't even need. That's being into someone is it? Unbelievable stuff.

grumpycow1 · 31/12/2022 18:57

Definitely! The fact that he took the £1.50 🚩

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 18:57

Jay185 · 31/12/2022 18:54

@HotChoxs Lool coming from you. You're the one who played out the scenario of back and forth joking like you were there 😂

It didn't come across that way at all when she explained it.

I didn't play out the scenario, I reposted what the OP said. Would help if people read the thread.

bellac11 · 31/12/2022 18:57

Why is everyone so fixated on cheese cake

I hate cheesecake

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 18:59

He's arrived, & it's sorted!

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
poefaced · 31/12/2022 18:59

ilovesooty · 31/12/2022 18:55

I don't "want" her to do anything. It seems that he's indicated he'd like more and she's not up for that, so given the mismatch I'd be thinking about moving on if I were him.

Show quote history

She hasn’t said she’s not up for that. She’s sensibly taking things at her own pace.

If the pace is too slow for him, he’s a big boy and can end things.

She’s seen him twice in 9 days, that’s not unreasonable.

FrostyFifi · 31/12/2022 18:59

I like nice homemade cheesecake but supermarket cheesecake is horrible. Claggy, too sweet and tasteless.

newtb · 31/12/2022 18:59

Bet he's rocked up with a supermarket receipt and the OP/family have rebuilt the patio as nice healthy exercise after dinner.

GrasstrackGirl · 31/12/2022 19:00

If someone asked me to bring a dessert with me for nine people after being told no, not to bring anything the first time I would struggle with what to get, I'm fussy with desserts and what I like I can guarantee that one of the other eight guests won't.

Americano75 · 31/12/2022 19:00

The word 'cheesecake' has basically lost all meaning now.

Nudity · 31/12/2022 19:01

More like this.

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal
poefaced · 31/12/2022 19:01

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 18:59

He's arrived, & it's sorted!

I thought these were dough balls and the yellow things were balls of butter 😂

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 19:01

Im trying to remember the exact conversation but i do know i felt abit awkward ...the friend was oh i'd love to see that we're the tickets pricey and i said they were X price each and he said - oh there was a booking fee as well so you owe me 1.50 and laughed - i was just buying coffees and had my purse out so offered him the 1.50 in another hahahahaha way and he took it.

That's what the OP wrote, who can't even remember how exactly it went down. But everyone else here seems to have been there at the time. 😂