New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

[sleeplessinsouthhampton]

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

I'm just here to see if he turns up, don't mind me. 👀

You can tell who’s a tight arse here by the replies 🤣

I agree with this.
Perhaps OP and this man just have incompatible outlooks on life

Not read the whole thread but if he only works part time perhaps he is careful to not overspend.

Yes it's obvious she's not into him. Wants him to buy dessert for her dinner party though.

Yeah, what a genius long-play 🙄

Dated him for 9 and doesn't want to progress, plus thinks of him as stingy#

That how you feel about someone you're into?

You seem to think I've said that's the long play.

Well, feel free to explain what it is she's said that makes you think she's into him and why this is still going after 9 months. I'm all ears. .

If I were a man I'd dump anyone who expected to be paid for, but that thread's been done to death.

Dated him for 9 and doesn't want to progress, plus thinks of him as stingy

With good reason! I'd personally no longer be into anyone that took 1.50 back from me so she's been considerably more generous of spirit towards him than I would have been.

Great, so then why is the OP keeping it casual but inviting him for NY and then moaning when he doesn't bring dessert exactly? That what you'd personally do as well?

I would just continue preparing maybe give him half an hour leway but it's rude if he doesn't text if he's running late

Same. Grim. OP says she is very careful to always split everything 50/50, so begrudging the 1.50 would be extremely off putting to me. Not only is it really fucking tight (instant ick), but it's the fact that he was so bothered about it he brought it up in front of a friend and then took it!! I'd be mortified if my boyfriend did that to me. And so would the friend.

If I were you OP, I'd ghost him right back. Hope you're having a lovely pavlova-less evening 🤣

Well this is going to keep me on the edge of my seat tonight, did he turn up? Was the pudding offer paltry? Was he almost late because he'd gone off to rustle up an ice cream van from a mate?......

I agree. If I were him I'd be the one who'd be running.

But not without telling her exactly why and probably transferring a sum to cover the cost of my meal.

Omg @ the £1.50 story 😩 stinginess is so unattractive and at that level is out right repulsive. How can dessert for 9 people be a 'big ask' he only has to buy a few cheesecakes like everyone else here has mentioned. It's alright for him to come and eat your lamb roast.

He doesn't sound chivalrous at all which is very off putting.

I was in Aldi earlier buying a cheesecake and for a 5 person cheesecake it was 85p. Come on, two of them and some cream you are no more than £3.

Hope OP comes back to tells us if he has turned up.

I’m so over invested in this! Do not dare leave us hanging OP!

Massive double standards if it was on the other side it would be why is he asking you to come to NY dinner and buy dessert when he's made it clear you're just a casual thing, obviously just wants you there to not be alone at NY.

And why is he making a big deal over you wanting him to give you the £1.50 when it was clear you were splitting. Cocklodger.

Yes, she's dated him for months indicating she'll only fit him into her busy life when she's got nothing else on.

That what you'd personally do as well?

Nope he'd have been dumped, OP is nicer than me.

Think this could be along the right lines.

Yeah it's so nice to string people along that want relationships when you're not into them.