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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
mourndayclub · 31/12/2022 17:53

Really not hard to get a couple of ready made desserts (if they're left on the shelves) but I know that because I used to do it all the time when having dinner with family, if it's his first time he may be over thinking

Soothsayer1 · 31/12/2022 17:55

That's rather a leap
Guilty as charged, but that's what I smell here

Stravaig · 31/12/2022 17:57

@Mummyoflittledragon Excellent! DD is expedition leader, you and I are bringing all the pockets.

Barney60 · 31/12/2022 17:59

Agree with anotheryear23, most men need you to be specific in my humble experience.

velvetstars · 31/12/2022 18:00

Any sign of him or the pavlova OP?

Tigger7654 · 31/12/2022 18:02

So did he turn up OP, can't wait to hear what he bought!

Sneakyblinders · 31/12/2022 18:03

He sounds a bit odd - and now rude being late!

carmenitapink · 31/12/2022 18:03

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 15:21

a hint of stinginess ...maybe....i haven't quite sussed that out well enough to be sure

e.g we went to the theatre, he bought the tickets and i paid him for my ticket but a week later he said oh there was a booking fee as well for the tickets so you owe me 1.50- wouldn't have been a problem at the point i paid for the ticket but just seemed stingey to make a point of it - i just wouldn't have thought about it

but to be fair that was my cost and i always pay my way and go halves on everything

RUN.

Ditch this guy pronto.

Beyond cheap!

I couldn't live like this

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2022 18:04

@Stravaig
Am off to bribe Santa with a glass of single malt and a mince pie to ask him to let us borrow his sack. I understand it holds lots and lots yet is unbelievably compact and light…

Maybe op’s date has had the same idea, which is why he’s MIA.

carmenitapink · 31/12/2022 18:04

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/12/2022 15:24

He asked you to pay him back £1.50? Did he want cash or bank transfer? This is the problem with insisting on paying 50/50 for everything, you attract men like this.

I agree.

This is why during the early dating phase women shouldn't offer to go 50/50 imo.

lamaze1 · 31/12/2022 18:06

Bit late but don't hang around and wait. Crack on with everyone else and if he turns up well he could have let you know he was running late.

GlumShoe · 31/12/2022 18:08

Any sign of him and his pavlova, Op?

TerfOnATrain · 31/12/2022 18:12

Well, if asking him to get a pudding on NYE was enough to put him off, then good riddance I say.

brusselspout · 31/12/2022 18:14

Is he there yet?? I'm invested and want to know what he brought 👀

rosesinmygarden · 31/12/2022 18:15

I would put money on him making up sone BS excuse about feeling "awkward" and "not able to make it".

He asked you the question to make himself look generous and helpful, fully expecting you to say no. You gave him the 'wrong' answer and he's tried to guilt you by making out you're unreasonable. You're not. Picking up some ice cream, a cheesecake or some fresh fruit was the correct response.

You're not behaving as he wanted you to and now you're being punished. I'd put money on it.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 31/12/2022 18:17

I think he’s definitely stingy rather than confused.

My dh is utterly useless but if he was in this situation, he would go and buy half a dozen ready made puds from a decent supermarket. There would be far too much food but definitely something for everyone. But he’s not tight and genuinely means it if he offers to help.

He would also have thought to pick up a couple of nice bottles and some lovely chocolates this morning so wouldn’t be needing to justify rocking up empty handed, which is what I think this bloke was doing with his last minute ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to bring anything?’ text. He fully expected op to say no and this has thrown him completely!

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 31/12/2022 18:17

rosesinmygarden · 31/12/2022 18:15

I would put money on him making up sone BS excuse about feeling "awkward" and "not able to make it".

He asked you the question to make himself look generous and helpful, fully expecting you to say no. You gave him the 'wrong' answer and he's tried to guilt you by making out you're unreasonable. You're not. Picking up some ice cream, a cheesecake or some fresh fruit was the correct response.

You're not behaving as he wanted you to and now you're being punished. I'd put money on it.

Think you might be on to something there...

ArcaneWireless · 31/12/2022 18:19

I’d be more arsey at him being late for a planned meal.

Or using this as an excuse not to come.

But I’m harsh.

Lougle · 31/12/2022 18:21

Tbh if I was the 'new man' I'd be thinking the red flags were on the other side. The OP has shown no signs that she actually likes him. She's given the impression that he asked for £1.50 when he actually gave accurate information. Invited him for dinner then asked him to supply pudding at the last minute. I'd find that really stressful.

justasking111 · 31/12/2022 18:21

He might just be nervous about meeting the gang. It's a bit daunting being the outsider. I'd have said bring a bottle I think

Americano75 · 31/12/2022 18:22

Jesus, the £1.50 story is a big enough red flag for me. I cannot stand that kind of tightness.

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 18:23

Lougle · 31/12/2022 18:21

Tbh if I was the 'new man' I'd be thinking the red flags were on the other side. The OP has shown no signs that she actually likes him. She's given the impression that he asked for £1.50 when he actually gave accurate information. Invited him for dinner then asked him to supply pudding at the last minute. I'd find that really stressful.

Yes it's obvious she's not into him. Wants him to buy dessert for her dinner party though.

ShirleyValentin3 · 31/12/2022 18:24

Did he come?!

Was the pavlova nice? 👀

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 31/12/2022 18:24

The booking fee thing is worse than the dessert thing.

FrostyFifi · 31/12/2022 18:24

Yes it's obvious she's not into him. Wants him to buy dessert for her dinner party though

Yes I'm sure she dated him for months just to get a tenner's worth of sugary supermarket shite out of him.