New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

[sleeplessinsouthhampton]

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

Yeah, that says a lot. Unfortunately.

I know, it makes no sense to me!

If I go to a dinner or contribute, I don't presume I'm buying for everyone though! It's usually something for me and a bit bigger.
If you go to a drinks party, you bring a bottle, not a bottle for each person.

Oh I missed that! In that case, bin him off. Asking for £1.50 back is ridiculous.

I think you're spot on about the stinginess tbh.
Is he literally so overcome with angst at buying pud that he's run away?!

Not everyone shops at Asda or has one near them.

imagine if hes ghosted you because of the awkwardness of.. desert XD hahaha

The delay is due to him paying with his big jar of 1p coins at the checkout.

That's rather a leap.

The OP hasn't bothered seeing him over Christmas.

She's made it clear she leads a busy life.

She's invited him to what might be a slightly daunting event.

She's suggested he might bring desserts which might have thrown him a bit at short notice and him not knowing anyone.

If he'd been so tight he wouldn't have offered to bring stuff in the first place.

If were him I'd be moving on I think.

Exactly. What is he? The partner hosting? The casual guy she's seeing? The stingy guy she has no future with but keeps as a backup plan?

Just read that he took £1.50 off you...... does his arse squeak when he walks?

Frubes come in a variety pack or just strawberry ones I think. Stop rushing the poor bloke. It's a big decision!

This is my life. Op's man sounds wetter than an otters pocket. TBF it would throw me, as I would have no idea if I was covering all bases, without getting at least 3 puddings. TBF you've gone from 0-16, ie, nothing to dessert for everyone... The issue of the 1.50 is undoubtedly tighter than a budgies bum, but you are conflating two separate incidents. I vote he is tight, so would not be a keeper for me (been there, got the t shirt). The pudding issue is a red herring I fear, and posters are judging on that and not your drip feed re the tickets.

Definitely stingey. This (chasing a £1.50 booking fee) would give me the ick more than this dessert business.

Has he turned up yet?

You've gone from 0-60, not 16.... re 'nothing, to dessert for many people'.

Op said they sit down to eat at 5:30pm so hopefully she updates us later.

@Calphurnia88 . This. You put it much more succincly!

A "hint" of stinginess? A hint? That is a pathological tightness. I couldn't be with him.

In America, they say the trash sometimes takes itself out.

I would panic at being asked for dessert for 9. I would solve the problem by throwing money at it, thinking that whatever spent would be a pittance in comparison with a night out on New Years Eve!

Oh yes indeedy!

I think you need to ask him... "big ask? Do you mean the money or choosing "?

But to be honest the £1.50 thing is so awful it woukd have been all over by now.

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oh there was a booking fee as well so you owe me 1.50 and laughed - i was just buying coffees and had my purse out so offered him the 1.50 in another hahahahaha way and he took it.

so what, was he messing about or..?

omg on tenterhooks. What's happening? Has he arrived yet?