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AIBU?

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Original poster

New (ish) man being odd about bringing contribution to meal

871 replies

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 14:59

Been seeing this chap fairly casually for 9 months or so...I like him and we have a lot of fun and really good conversations, both like same things etc.he's hinted at wanting more commitment and to see each other more often but i've deliberately kept things slow and steady and not rushed anything. Plus I have a busy life - full time job, caring for elderly parents and 4 children - 3 at home - 2 teens and 2 young adults, lots of family and also I sing in choir so we do a lot at xmas as well. He has family, no kids but life is a bit quieter i think - he works part time, self employed ...

For various reasons - illness, visiting other family etc not seen him since 23rd which he's been abit moany about but not directly. Anyway - today I'm cooking a lamb roast dinner for the kids and their partners and decided to invite him as well. He's met them all individually or casually but never been to a family event as such. We'll have meal, champagne and games etc.

this morning he messaged to say do i need him to bring anything - i said not really all in hand but bring drinks if there's anything in particular he wanted but i have wine, spirits, fizz etc. He says ok and no further response - i'm really busy tidying and prepping and get another message saying he's at shops am i sure he can't bring something - so i reply thinking he was looking to contribute and said ok well u can bring some dessert type things - we're not fussy about what but that would be nice

the response i get is - oh, I thought you would have puddings already sorted for us all- desserts for 9 people is a big ask....

tbh this has actually pissed me off as i wasn't even gonna bother with dessert as we have a huge meal, drinks and also have chocolates, mince pies etc. if anyone wanted but just suggested it as he seemed to want to bring something. Have i misinterpreted this somehow?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 17:16

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 17:13

well he's now MIA - i said come 4:30 ish, dinner 5:30 ish and am at the point of needing to put on veg

he's never been late or flaky before - maybe he is making a pavlova?

shall i put veg on or hold off ....everyone else here

🙄

ilovesooty · 31/12/2022 17:16

You could try calling him.

Trez1510 · 31/12/2022 17:17

I think the 'It's a big ask.' text is based on the circumstances of it being Hogmanay afternoon, it being for 9 (virtual) strangers and no idea of dietary requirements.

My partner would take this in his stride, probably bring the ingredients to whip up a pavlova, but he is an excellent cook.

My brothers, OTOH, would be like rabbits in the headlights both in terms of the numbers and them being strangers.

I'm sorry but the booking-fee story seems to me to be being embellished to allow a certain picture of this man to be painted, particularly when the flow of responses is going against the OP in that it is a big ask under the circumstances.

Original poster
sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 17:17

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 17:10

He works part time? Definitely no issues with money? No children or ex?

Ah… I see why you are in a relationship with him despite not really seeming to like him very much 😂

Let me guess…. He’s bloody rich and semi retired

wow - no he's a landscape gardener and only works part time as says it's too much physical job for full time. He's shown no sign of being minted but also no sign of being skint - goes out, has hobbies etc but is restrained in spending nothing too lavish but not smart price either....just 'normal'

house is well maintained - abit bare but that's more a single man thing i think ...garden is lovely though 😂

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 17:17

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 17:16

This is a windup surely, you're now asking us whether you should put veg on 😂instead of calling your casual fling who's now MIA

This. ^ I am thinking exactly the same thing now.

georgarina · 31/12/2022 17:18

JFC it's not complicated, he could have brought some fruit and chocolate or something...

The booking fee story is really bad...

I would call him and see where he is? Def don't wait for him

Emdubz · 31/12/2022 17:18

PinkyU · 31/12/2022 17:16

You need to call him. People on the internet need closure.

😂

Original poster
sleeplessinsouthhampton · 31/12/2022 17:18

ilovesooty · 31/12/2022 17:16

You could try calling him.

i have called him - twice! no answer

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 31/12/2022 17:19

I reckon he’s gone to three shops looking for the perfect dessert. He’ll show up with an amazing creation from Waitrose which cost £££
Sadly you both will be slightly pissed off with each other, and no one will enjoy the damn thing.

That’s my guess…. 😂

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 17:20

Trez1510 · 31/12/2022 17:17

I think the 'It's a big ask.' text is based on the circumstances of it being Hogmanay afternoon, it being for 9 (virtual) strangers and no idea of dietary requirements.

My partner would take this in his stride, probably bring the ingredients to whip up a pavlova, but he is an excellent cook.

My brothers, OTOH, would be like rabbits in the headlights both in terms of the numbers and them being strangers.

I'm sorry but the booking-fee story seems to me to be being embellished to allow a certain picture of this man to be painted, particularly when the flow of responses is going against the OP in that it is a big ask under the circumstances.

HOW is any of this a big ask?

Enter shop.
Scoop up some ice cream or ready made puds.
Pay, leave shop.
Go to OP's house.
Sorted.

HallieBo · 31/12/2022 17:21

I assumed he meant about picking for 9 people, not the money. He's repeatedly asked if you want him to bring something so it's not about the money.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 17:21

@Trez1510

I'm sorry but the booking-fee story seems to me to be being embellished to allow a certain picture of this man to be painted, particularly when the flow of responses is going against the OP in that it is a big ask under the circumstances.

WTAF?! Embellished ?!! Confused The OP is the one who volunteered the information, and told us all (with that one post) what a total tight arse, short-arms/deep pockets miser her DP is. 😂 Nobody has 'embellished' ANYthing!

birder · 31/12/2022 17:23

Ready meal for one or desserts for nine? He's gone home.

BadNomad · 31/12/2022 17:24

He's curled up crying in the frozen dessert section.

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 17:24

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 17:21

@Trez1510

I'm sorry but the booking-fee story seems to me to be being embellished to allow a certain picture of this man to be painted, particularly when the flow of responses is going against the OP in that it is a big ask under the circumstances.

WTAF?! Embellished ?!! Confused The OP is the one who volunteered the information, and told us all (with that one post) what a total tight arse, short-arms/deep pockets miser her DP is. 😂 Nobody has 'embellished' ANYthing!

He's not a DP! She already told him she doesn't want him to be one!

Trez1510 · 31/12/2022 17:25

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 31/12/2022 17:21

@Trez1510

I'm sorry but the booking-fee story seems to me to be being embellished to allow a certain picture of this man to be painted, particularly when the flow of responses is going against the OP in that it is a big ask under the circumstances.

WTAF?! Embellished ?!! Confused The OP is the one who volunteered the information, and told us all (with that one post) what a total tight arse, short-arms/deep pockets miser her DP is. 😂 Nobody has 'embellished' ANYthing!

It was drip-fed as posters got the idea he was overwhelmed with the task of finding, on the afternoon of Hogmanay, undefined 'deserts' for nine strangers and were saying that would be reason he'd said it was a big (social) ask as opposed to a big (financial) ask.

As always, we each have our own opinions on reading random information on t'internet.

I'm away not to prepare for my own Hogmanay, and wish everyone A Guid New Year when it comes. 😊

popsypretty · 31/12/2022 17:25

Dotcheck · 31/12/2022 17:19

I reckon he’s gone to three shops looking for the perfect dessert. He’ll show up with an amazing creation from Waitrose which cost £££
Sadly you both will be slightly pissed off with each other, and no one will enjoy the damn thing.

That’s my guess…. 😂

And then he’ll ask OP to reimburse him for the pudding 😂

toocold54 · 31/12/2022 17:25

Give it another 10mins and if he doesn’t arrive or text back then carry on with your dinner.

If he’s not answering then it probably means he’s driving.

Soothsayer1 · 31/12/2022 17:25

he's shown you who he is, he expects you to be mother & pay for everything, he's got his eyes on the prize.....your big house & your big income

Ursuladevine · 31/12/2022 17:26

HotChoxs · 31/12/2022 17:24

He's not a DP! She already told him she doesn't want him to be one!

Show quote history

But she invites him on Nee Years Eve to a big family meal, champagne and party games, and would presumably have stayed over.

OK

BobLemon · 31/12/2022 17:26

His Qns and responses would piss me right off. We have a saying about not asking questions you don’t want the answer to.

Trez1510 · 31/12/2022 17:26

~ now (not not!)

Benjispruce4 · 31/12/2022 17:26

Probably a bit of panic as he’s not met everyone before sand suddenly has the responsibility of dessert on him at the last minute.

Hayliebells · 31/12/2022 17:26

If I think back to when I first met my OH, and I’d even invited to a big family meal, I would have found choosing the right dessert quite daunting. When you’ve no idea what they might usually have for dessert, a few tubs of ice cream vs fancy Gu type puds, or a variety, I would have found it a challenge for reasons entirely other than cost. A few bags of crisps or some beers would have been far more straightforward. I think it’s likely a miscommunication, and I wouldn’t read anything else into it, unless he’s usually a tightwad. You’ve mentioned he seemed a bit stingy, but maybe he genuinely has less disposable income. If he doesn’t come across as a gold digger, I’d let it slide.

nzeire · 31/12/2022 17:26

He took the 1.50???!!!

that would be all over for me!