Is this absolutely petty of me - children's party

[Oak268]

Regular contributor but name changed as this could be outing

I do think this is probably trivial of me but it's really irritated me and need views on if I'm just petty

4 friends since children were all born within weeks of each other. Not NCT but similar, met at local post natal class

3 of the 4 of us always generous - hosted Christmas parties or playdates across the years. And held birthday parties which all 4 children were all always invited to over last 7 years (bar covid year) , despite them being at different nurseries and now schools.

So friend 4 has always benefited from bowling, soft play you name it - but always said she didn't like to have to host (beautiful house!) And didn't believe in parties for her daughter until they were old enough to remember them as adults - but happy to come to all of ours, including in the last few months

Pictures all over Facebook today of her daughter's massive birthday party, disco, entertainment the lot - and not one of the four children invited.

Aibu? Recognise they all have friendship groups at 7 but would you not think you should pay it back a bit? I felt irrationally irritated

Yeah OP - have you had chance to slag her off with the others yet? That will help.

Did you not realise that it had the condition of a lifetime of party invitations between the liftsharers?😀

You're not being petty. She's not a friend x

They shouldn’t. The mother should not lie about the party, though 🤣.

Clearly the mother thinks that or she wouldn’t have lied pointlessly 🤣🤣🤣.

Where was the lying?

There was no lying.

The mother of the uninvited (18!year old!) knocked on door and there was a party in full swing.

No lying

Hidh bit of the mother saying the girl was “doing nothing” for her birthday was not lying? 😂😂😂😂

Oh no not between lift sharers

between the children of lift sharers. For every year for the rest of their lives

Maybe the mum had no idea her adult 18 year old was having a party! 😂

Here is what was written:
Salome61 · Today 10:49
Sorry to read this. My friend did the school run with two other friend's kids, there and back, for five years. When it was one of the girl's 18th birthday the Mum said she 'wasn't doing anything' so my friend popped round that night with a gift - party in full swing, and my friend's daughter hadn't been invited.

“Wasn’t doing anything” 😂😂😂

😂

Yes

but perhaps the mum had no idea what her adult dd was doing for her birthday.

and big girl birthday girl threw a party whilst folks away! I did it for my 16th!

I think the Mum would have been a bit suspicious if her 18-year old dd had said she was doing nothing for her birthday and then asked Mum and Dad to go out for the night without her so she could do nothing alone. 😂

She probably thought she was doing y'all a favor by letting her daughter attend your downmarket parties.

Now you know where you stand... if such things are important to you.

Or you could just rise above it...?

Could it be restrictions on the number of children allowed at the venue? There was a party that my son went to where only 26 children out of a class of 30 were invited (well, 26 including the birthday child). I thought it was a bit mean of the parents to leave 4 children out.

However, when it was time for me to organise a party, I looked at the venue and it only allowed 26 children...Seems a strange cut-off point number wise too.

If there were restrictions like that I can see why classmates would be prioritised.

I can see why you're hurt though.

Thanks for all the feedback. Appreciated. I agree with those who have said it is the lack of reciprocation that has upset me - happy to come to years of parties, including 3 in the past year. But I also recognise it's me being sensitive and too much of a people pleaser and I need to move on!

I am utterly bewildered by this thread. Do people actually react with anything other than despair at seeing an envelope in their kids school bags?

There is nothing worse - missing out on part of the weekend, buying presents, starving at lunchtime while only the kids are catered for, usually without a chair. Or are other people being invited do better parties than me?

At 7yo, it would probably be a drop off, and the main focus of the guest list would likely be a group who would play harmoniously. It sounds like these 3 kids would not be a natural part of the group.

And what seems ungenerous to me is keeping tabs on what party invitations are reciprocated, and expecting tit for tat transactional hosting.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way! 😂

This thread has made the Mirror 🙄🙄🙄

Seriously if you are a daily Mirror journalist - fuck off and go and get a proper job!

I never invited anyone other than classmates to my parties throughout junior and senior school. I don't think it is unreasonable if their party was only classmates or family.

It was your choice to have parties and invite her before. I just went to a 2nd birthday party. Am I obliged to organise one for my own DC to repay the host? I don't think so. I don't plan to have a party. If I do, I'll do it for my/DCs benefit and invite the people who will make it the most fun for DC. At the moment I'd include her, but once DC is 7 I doubt it.

Having said that... I was once upset after seeing an event on Facebook to which I wasn't invited. It was unreasonable of me, as of course people have the right to socialise as they wish, but I left Facebook for that reason. It made me feel sad and jealous even though I knew it was irrational.

Name changed as could be outing

let me guess Op. you’ve been bitching about this woman in RL to anyone who would listen

I don't think it's unusual not to invite out-of-school friends to a school class party. I have done, but - for example - dd and her cousin don't always invite each other to their big parties even though they are very close. They are different groups/dynamics where school is concerned.

That said I'd feel weird never having reciprocated. I only do that if my dd isn't keen and can't be convinced (whilst I privately cringe with embarrassment and hope a different opportunity to reciprocate will arise at a later date) 😬 Maybe the dc isn't keen on one or more of the kids, might not be your dc.

Don't think you're petty though. Obviously you don't let on to them, but privately it can sting when the dc are excluded!

She’s either really rude or really clueless and neither are great qualities to have in a friend