To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

I like the sound of your friend

You sound fixated on her, @lionindistress

Have you had an extremely sheltered upbringing or something?

Honestly, I can think of lots of people I’ve known and liked over the years who were more obviously eccentric than she sounds.

She sounds great. Not sure what the issues are meant to be

How old are you OP? You sound like in your 20’s when friends are highly involved in each other’s lives.

Nothing except the lateness is odd to me and you seem to want your friend to be vanilla when she’s a bit rainbow sparkles! So she’s a bit different take it as a positive and run with it.

Regarding the lateness tell her you are meeting at 4.30 when actually everyone is meeting at 4.45 you learn to manage those friends that are always late.

Good lifelong friends are like gold dust if she truly is a friend accept her for who she is instead of trying to change her

None of that is particularly weird. Number 3 is the strangest thing out of them all but it’s just a quirk. I think you’re more weird for writing a post about it to be honest.

She sounds really nice. I don't understand what you hope to achieve by 'discussing' anything with her. She has quirks but they are obvious ones that don't involve manipulating or hurting anyone.

I prefer to sleep with at least the night light app on my phone. For one thing, I always need the loo at night so don't want to fumble about looking for my phone/a light/trip over things in the dark, particularly in an unfamiliar house.

Wtf - her only issues are she sleeps with the light on and makes jokes about meeting 5 mins later. I genuinely don’t understand what the conversation would be about

None of what you have described is eccentric.

The light thing and the timing thing are coping mechanisms.

You have no idea what may of happened in this person's life for her to develop coping mechanisms.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in what she does at all and no reason for yous to 'have a conversation'. Ridiculous.

As for the bus thing, she was being nice.

I think she deserves better friends, especially better than ones who have posted her coping mechanisms on the Internet for all to read and judge.

She needs new friends.

I have a lovely friend who has similar quirks. It's part of what makes her who she is and I hope she never changes.

Ok- well I guess I AIBU. The light thing- was more to do with electricity.

Lateness- always late anyway.

Bus- I only shared one example, but she does this quite a lot- well when out anyway.

I do feel that things are often on her own terms without much consideration from us. The couple of times felt like quirks but overtime and knowing her for so long, it dies be one a bit draining. Like for example, when she loves a particular song, she plays it at least 30 times within a day (exaggerating but it's a lot) but when we have gatherings, which of course involves music, she would want the same (favourite song) to be played over and over and over and over again....are you telling me that no one will find this a bit selfish???

er — what’s with the unwarranted tone-policing of a fairly run-of-the-mill PP?

A lightbulb costs under £4 a year to run.

she needs better friends for sure

Meant to say number 2 is the most odd, not 3. But none are really.

I think if all our friends decided it was time to have a 'discussion' about our behaviour, we would all have slightly quirky individual and harmless behaviour traits.

She sounds nice and the sleeping with the light on is probably more common then you think. Its just a version of being afraid of the dark outside at night which many people are.

Op, if you don't like her, be honest with yourself first of all about that, then decide if you want to tell her you are ending the friendship or whether you want to take a step back. Absolutely do not bitch about her with other friends as you are not 14.
If you can't tolerate difference then accept that about yourself and move on

What kind of weirdo turns off am adult's bedroom light? Total lack of respect for her privacy. I'd love to have a friend like your friend. You sound like a mean person and are not her friend at all coming here to publicly try to shame her.

How much do you think it costs to have a light on for 8 hours?

Op, I would worry what your friends say about you!

This. Would be horrible to have someone you thought of as a friend analyzing any foibles and talking/thinking about you like this.

I dated a musician who would replay a new song he loved over and over...he was really into music and interested in the nuance and all the new sounds he'd hear in the song...obviously, music was his (healthy) obsession. if she refused to play your music at a party, that'd be different, but replaying a fave song sounds okay by me.

These are all things my friends and myself would find funny. They wouldn’t worry us at all

For goodness’ sake OP, is she your “very good friend” or isn’t she?

If she is — aren’t you at all ashamed of yourself for posting about her like this? Micro-analysis of her harmless quirks on a public forum?

And if she’s not your good friend, then (a) why say that, and (b) why on earth are you so focused on these details about her?

I best everyone in your group is quirky in one way or another, you included

@lionindistress Mate, when I find new songs I love I can quite easily play them on repeat 30 times an hour let alone a day - and my OH and kids are the same!

She's just wired differently from you, it's not actually that weird what you've been describing, and certainly not eccentric. You do actually sound pretty mean and intolerant, and I hope she doesn't ever stumble upon your post. You clearly don't want to be her friend and are just looking for (petty) excuses.