To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

I’m not seeing the problem? I think she’s quite right to keep her private life to herself at work. I always did. I was a friendly colleague, but never more than that. I watched from the sidelines as all these close friendships blew up and they all started talking about each other, stopped talking to each other, all the personal things they’d told each other were used against them and it was very awkward for everyone around them. Your friend is very wise to keep her own counsel.

Oh do bore off. She's probably the only ingredient in your group that makes it actually breathe before your living death becomes real; and has clearly got the measure of you tedious little lemons and couldn't possibly relax in your company although she is showing you enough respect not to scream your claustrophobia from the rooftops like I would. She's a far better and kinder friend than you that's for sure.

Your friend sounds lovely, I hope your group leaves her alone and she finds more accepting folks.

Yes, YABU. to have all gotten together to try to decide whether you should speak to her as a group- my God.
if these things are “eccentric” to you, I feel like maybe you should get out more?

I guess she has reason to keep herself quite private, if this is the kind of thing you consider an actual problem , and if this is someone you call a friend?

this reads like some teenage “mean girls” “on Wednesdays we wear pink” petty crap.

ugh. Im sad for her and I hope she finds better friends who love her for who she IS.

You and your other friends sound like boring, judgemental losers. Hopefully your 'friend' finds some real friends who accept her for what she is, quirks and all (she hardly sounds eccentric anyway!!). I think you guys are the ones with the problem!

What on earth do you need to discuss?? Your friend has some harmless quirks, so what? I think that you sound stranger than she does - maybe try to accept her the way she is in future.

We all have a few quirks if you watch for long enough, just shrug when she does something a bit off piste and let it wash over you. That's how she is, there are bigger things for you to trouble yourself with.

You don't sound like a good friend.

And you're going to pull her up for sleeping with the light on? I'd love to see how that discussion would go, if you weren't such mean bullies it would actually be hilarious. You sound like a bunch of toxic dickheads and she's better off without you.

nothing here sounds particularly dramatic.

A couple seem like she may have ADHD. But either way, YABU.

Poor woman. She's kind and thoughtful and thinks you're all her friends when really you're all bitching about her.

I hope she has some other real friends.

I've read the OP 3 times and I can't see any signs of "eccentric" behaviour.

1. Sleeping with the light on - many adults do that.
2. Timings - she's telling you she maybe a bit late so what?
3. Getting off the bus at an earlier stop - nothing wrong with a bit of exercise
4. Trust - she's right.

You don't need to "discuss" anything, she needs some better "friends" though.

The bud thing is actually really lovely. You sound mean

I always think the quirkier the better, who wants bland and boring?
Leave your friend be, she's not here to fit into your preconceived idea of how a friend should behave.
She deserves better friends.
Good job we are no longer in the Middle Ages, women who dared to be different were considered witches and were either drowned, hanged or burnt.

Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

She's right there though isn't she? You're all gossiping about her behind her back and calling yourselves her friends.

Friends don't behave as you are. It all sounds a bit mean girls to me.

She sounds too genuine to be part of your friendship group.

I have some friends who are being quite boring and sanctimonious now we are in our 20s.their behaviour is a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore.
a friend who I stayed with and while I was asleep she tip toed into the room and turned off the light so I woke alarmed and confused as I hate the dark.

they insist on being absolutely punctual even if we are meeting somewhere like a coffee shop wher they can chat together. I’m sometimes 5 mins late as I lose my keys and am nervous about meeting them but will warn them I’ll be a bit late.

I like to be helpful and don’t want old ladies to think I’m lying to make them feel comfortable as that would be patronising this apparantly is wierd, though it did mean we got off the bus early!

my friends share every minutiae about their lives and it’s a bit tedious
it’s also daft, imo to reveal too much about your life in work as you don’t want the meaner people to be gossiping about you behind your back.

they also seem to think there’s is the only way to be and they know what it is.
There is one friend who seems a bit more controlling than the others. Ther are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, I am not sure if we should gang up and discuss her behind her back in a mean way and then have a discussion about some of the things she does...

I like the sound of her.

Perpetual lateness is an annoying habit rather than eccentric or a quirk, so IF this is an issue with your friend you could raise it. The rest is stuff you could let go or just mention jokily, depending on the nature of your relationship.

Oh FGS, these things are so insignificant I dont know why you bothered typing this out. From the headline I was expecting something like, "my friend watches her neighbours all day with a telescope and takes notes on their activities" or, "my friend lives with 57 cats and will only leave the house when its a Tuesday" or something. Talk about overreaction

She sounds nice. Certainly not deserving of being critiqued like this. Everyone has their oddities - and you need to be careful because yours will be discussed by your group when you’re not in the room, too.

Yes she's eccentric and no of course you shouldn't mention it.what would you hope to achieve? We don't want everyonein the world to be the same

You should listen to her re no 4. I don't know why you thought that was odd, that's good advice.

Work on being kind OP.
Leaving the light in all night, untrusting - she could have some past trauma she hasn’t opened up to you about. And why would she, she’s probably got the vibes you’re all gossiping about her, she’s probably noticed you all go quiet when she turns up. Everyone can have annoying traits - what are yours?

Do not sit down and destroy this woman's self-confidence because of gossip. It would be so cruel. The only issue I see is the late stuff.

She seems nice and has her head screwed on about work! I like her time thing to account for lateness! I’m going to start doing that!