To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

She sounds lovely tbh

How would you feel if your "friends" wanted to sit you down for a "discussion" about their perspective on your personality, and how they'd like you to change it?

It doesn’t sound like you are a very good friend if you don’t accept her and her quirks the way she is. Why would you need to talk to her? So she can be more like you? How boring to want everyone to be the same. She doesn’t have to explain herself or change herself for you. How sad that you would even think that way.

This doesn't sound that odd to me. It's got me worried my friends must think I'm batshit

Ops disappeared- maybe to have a think about how harsh they have been ?

This is minor eccentric....most of my friends could outdo this by a hundred percent.

She sounds delightful

She may well be on the spectrum....some of those quirks are ticks for autism... but anyway, we all have quirks...and most of us have quirky friends. You either like her or not. Taking her to one side to have a talk will make no difference to her behavior but might well ensure she withdraws from your group.

You don't like her much, do you? What's the real reason for that?

You sound horrible.

she sounds perfectly normal to me i keep the light on if im sleeping alone and i think it was rude of you to switch it off

It'd be very nice to think that's what's happened.

However, my mind moves more to the OP (and the fellow members of the Vanilla Jury of Perfection) having already decided Ms Interesting is being dumped from their 'friendship' group.

What is for certain is the OP ain't coming back!

Have you ever considered there may be reasons she seems a little quirky to you?

She may be autistic or something similar. Or she may be - spoiler alert - different to you because she is an entire separate human being.

Not sure why you feel the need to confront her about it, she isn’t doing anything offensive or malicious. If she’s really your friend these things shouldn’t even matter.

FYI she may find things about you and the friendship group entirely irritating too.

Your post is well thought out and u have obviously spent time composing it. I can’t really see the issue with her. Maybe you are as quirky as her in your own little way. I guess she’s a bit anxious/neurotic about being late but lots of us have little odd ways. Give her a break and count your blessings.

What’s the point in this post? Yes she seems a little unusual but so what??

She sounds like she could have adhd. I have and I have my own quirks. The replaying of the song is a dopamine hit. I do that and then never listen to it again. Not everyone is Neurotypical.

The time thing is a bit odd but the rest? Meh. I was hoping for some juicy examples, they didn’t fit the bill.

Your friend sounds like me! Haha

She sounds exactly like someone I’d be friends with! You don’t…

Everyone has quirks. What's the big deal?

she sounds harmless enough

Seems to me that you find her idiosyncrasies intimidating - otherwise you wouldn’t feel the need to justify a post?

I am a very similar person to your friend - I also am careful about who I speak to at work, have advised others (in and outside of work) to also be careful…this is genuinely looking out for someone - not a weird issue that needs bringing up!… She sounds like an incredibly nice person at heart - don’t be intimidated by someone who deviates by the norm.

Hold hrr dear, treasure the relationship - clearly she stands alone in who she is. I say good for her. Champion!

Also…don’t be intimidated by someone who isn’t a sheep and refuses to act like everyone else. We are the unsung.

I can't get over you going into her room in the night and switching her light off like you're her mum or something! That's seriously weird. You, nor her, just for clarity.

The op came on here to ask if her friend was eccentric and should her friends speak to her. Maybe the op is young, niaive, not particularly mature or worldly wise so I think it's maybe just her own limited life experience that means she is misjudging her friend. Hopefully this thread has been a bit enlightening.

Isn't it a bit ironic that some are being very judgey about the op for being judgey about her friend.

Isn't it a bit ironic that some are being very judgey about the op for being judgey about her friend.

The “It’s judgey to judge judgey people” argument has never really held any water.

You & your friendship group sound quite nasty & judgmental. I'm sure you, and they, have little quirks, too. What is so wrong with what she does? I was expecting some massive faux pas or the like in your post, instead of silly nothings.