To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

Everyone has quirks, I'm sure you have some that she finds weird.

To sit down and have a talk about it is really OTT. You're not a true friend to her.

She sounds quirky, possible autistic. She doesn't need to change. If you like her as a friend then accept her differences and take them in good humour.

What is normal? Thinking of the sitcom ‘Friends’, Phoebe is seen as quirky and Monica ultra fussy and competitive and Rachel a bit flaky and unreliable. But all have something different and likeable about them. It’s what makes life interesting.

Some of these things would annoy me too but not enough that I think you need to talk to her about it. She’s your friend so you just accept her as she is, none of these quirks are hurting anyone so no need to speak up about them. It would be cruel and hurtful and simply unnecessary.

All I got from the Greece things was that you dont bother to ask her about herself and then interestingly you call her selfish.
She just sounds like she has a few quirks which make her interesting. Obviously that's too 'weird' for you, you and your friends should stay safely in your boxes and let her go and make some other interesting, non judgemental friends.

The latter is a waste of electricity, especially in this current climate.

How much do you think it costs to run a light all one night? I often find I have left a light on all day/night and it's never made any discernible difference to my bill. If someone prefers to sleep with the light on then it's not a waste. Most people watch TV with the lights on, but it's not actually necessary to do so. Is that also a waste?

She's a bit quirky. And that's fine.

Your friend sounds ok. She is right about point 4, I never have and never would share things about myself at work; colleagues are just that, they are not friends, unless things change. Neither do I want to hear random sharings from people I know only at work.

Good for her, she sounds like she speaks sense. You can't trust people, this whole great friends for life nonsense is an absolute illusion and she has spotted this quite correctly. All her quirks are absolutely harmless they just don't confirm to your idea of the ' norm '. You guys have obviously talked about this already behind her back. You sound like a bunch of hags tbh.

You keep referring to her as your friend, but you are not her friend. Presumably you have absolutely zero annoying habits or quirks?

You are not her friend to be judging her for her individuality. I like the sound of her btw

There's nothing wrong with being a little different.

All of those examples are such small things that I'm amazed you've even bothered to post about them.

She's not hurting anyone, plus beige is an awfully boring colour, OP. It's good to have people around who don't fit the norm.

1. = it's her perfectly valid preference

2. = ASD ALERT. Look up 'time blindness'

3. = ASD OR DPD ALERT and or just a nice person. thinking of other people, doesn't want to make that person feel awakened for taking her seat, worries what that stranger will think of her

4. = ASD ALERT, but she isn't wrong about being careful

You sound nice… would definitely rather have her as my friend!

Just sounds like she's got a bit of anxiety

She’s absolutely right!!!

people share way too much stuff and so what if she goes away without telling g you. How dare she!!!!!

not nice this post is it

Have you considered that your lovely friend may be autistic? Try to be more understanding - she may find lots of things challenging that you haven’t thought about. Just be kind!

They are just foibles, minor quirks. Nothing wrong with that.

She sounds lovely, nothing wrong with the quirks you're describing. I bet she thinks you've all got some odd ways too, but just accepts them because she's your friend. Maybe she should find some people that aren't quite so pernickety?

My sister has similar quirks and has been diagnosed with OCD. Stop talking about her behind her back as that’s not being a nice friend…

Nine of these are bad attributes at all, respect her as an individual with her idiosyncrasies! Who's perfect? Love the kindness and commitment of giving up her seat, that's a quirk to be adored. X

I'm only up to page 4 so far but this is exactly why I've chosen to never have 'friends'. This horrible feeling came flooding back of people trying to correct me for not doing anything wrong at all, just little ways of being myself.

I read this post twice as I can’t believe you are being so negative about absolutely nothing.

Sounds like she could have high functioning autism. Have you and the gang considered that?

She sounds kind and considerate. Wonder if you did something irritating, would it be passed over as we are all human. Value your friendship.