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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my friend a bit....eccentric

352 replies

lionindistress · 31/12/2022 00:24

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

  1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. Bear So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

  1. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

  2. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

  3. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

OP posts:
DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 31/12/2022 09:30

Address specific things if they are important enough to actually affect your friendship.

Ask her what happens to make her late and if she could deploy some strategies to arrive in time so as not to keep you all waiting.

Tell her she’s fixating on a sing and it’s time for the rest of you to listen to something else.

Leave her be where she’s happy doing her own thing her way and it doesn’t affect you.

Jeds55 · 31/12/2022 09:30

She sounds nice
I do number 1 too and have a friend who's always late so hsve learned to live with it as her good outweighs the bad

runningonberocca · 31/12/2022 09:33

Your poor friend- these are a set of really minor personality quirks, all of which are completely harmless. No wonder she can’t trust anyone- her so- called friends are making threads on social media about her being “odd”.
And she could possibly have some significant trauma in her past - scared of dark, can’t trust people.
Have a bit of compassion. And grow up and realise that not everyone fits your perfect little normal mould.

Coooosd · 31/12/2022 09:33

I hope she sees this thread

GarlicCrackers · 31/12/2022 09:34

She sounds like shes ND and you should just leave her to be who she is

BigButtons · 31/12/2022 09:34

She sounds just fine to me. I love the way she was prepared to offer the bus seat and then put herself out.
as you go through life you will discover that people have all sorts of foibles. You have your own you know. . You do things that others find odd, we all do.

KettrickenSmiled · 31/12/2022 09:35

Do you lead a particularly sheltered life OP?

Also - are you genuinely planning to stage some kind of intervention because your friend left her bedroom light on? If you ask me, the person who slips into somebody else's bedroom & interferes with their bedside lamp is the weirdo in that situation. Then to notice & comment again at 7am - WTF is it to you, how other people light their bedroom?

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2022 09:41

I have a friend who does the "time" thing - "Well, I'm seeing A at 12.00, but we should be finished by 12.27 - it'll take me 13 minutes to walk along, but I'll allow 14 just in case the traffic's heavy and I can't get across the road - oh and it's lunchtime so I'll grab a coffee on the way along - say another 7 minutes - so i can meet you at <calculates> 12 minutes to 1? Will that suit you?"

She's autistic and a bit literal about everything, but she's lovely.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2022 09:41

(Apologies if my maths is out. I can't so Hard Sums) 😄

KimberleyClark · 31/12/2022 09:43

Otho g wrong with being a bit eccentric if you are not hurting anyone.

babynobbaby · 31/12/2022 09:44

You sound like the odd one here needing to have a discussion about some low level annoying behaviour.

Do you have form for controlling other people's behaviours or needing things exactly the way you like them OP?

WaddleAway · 31/12/2022 09:44

What would you want to achieve OP? Do you want her to apologise and start sleeping in the dark? Change her ways?

Legoninjago1 · 31/12/2022 09:48

It sounds like she's irritating you. However I think she sounds pretty great and quite the opposite of 'selfish'

Roselilly36 · 31/12/2022 09:51

I love eccentric people, had many lovely, eccentric friends over the years. You just plan for them to be late, suggest outlandish things & enjoy the chaotic friendship 😂

Seasonofthewitch83 · 31/12/2022 09:54

I dont know whats worse, how boring you sound, or how bitchy.

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2022 09:54

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

You sound like a far bigger weirdo than she could ever hope to be with this statement. Hmm

Habitual lateness would piss me off.

I agree with her on point 4.

As for the light thing, I can see that it's a waste of electricity from your POV but if it's something she's always done, she's hardly going to stop doing it when she stays at other people's homes, is she?

Seasonofthewitch83 · 31/12/2022 09:55

In fact, I would bet money that if the other cows in your group saw how you were being dragged on this thread, they would absolutely be bitching about you behind your back. That is clearly the kind of people you are.

TodayIsFridayHooray · 31/12/2022 09:58

I have this friend who does weird things and need advice:

  1. When I stayed at their flat, they came in my room in the middle.of the night and switched the light off which was on for a reason.
  1. She posts about me on Mumsnet
  1. She talks about me negatively behind my back with our friendship group
  1. I get a bit anxious sometimes so worry about being late for her and her judging me. I also worry about others a lot (eg. I'd rather get off the bus a stop early than have an elderly person worry they'd inconvenienced me by having my seat) and now she wants to have a 'discission' with me about my anxiety.

What should I do?

ButterflyOil · 31/12/2022 09:59

She sounds anxious and in many ways overly concerned about other people and what they might think - for example your Greece and bus examples. Which is white ironic considering she has this judgmental group of ‘friends’.

The rest sounds like quirks and maybe to do with anxiety - if someone suggests a five minute extra window to meet because they are worried about being late that suggest anxiety to me, and what does it really matter?

The only example you’ve given is the constant playing of the same song over and over again which I get is annoying - but again can be a compulsive thing.

Honesty she sounds sweet to me and very keen not actually not put people out.

I think you need to be a bit more compassionate OP.

itsnotmeitisactuallyyou · 31/12/2022 10:05

lionindistress · 31/12/2022 00:24

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

  1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. Bear So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

  1. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

  2. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

  3. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

Whats so ecentric about these examples?Sounds normal to me lol

Tinkerbyebye · 31/12/2022 10:10

None of them seem odd to me, she sounds very nice, the rest of you less so and actually quite intolerant.

I have to sleep with a night light on, and when I go away I sleep with a lamp on, my friends accept this and don’t worry about it

Stayeduptoolateagain · 31/12/2022 10:13

She sleeps with the light on, she asks if you can meet a little later to give her more time (rather than making you all wait for her), she gives up her seat on the bus, she cares what others think and likes to be honest, she keeps private info private. She sounds awesome.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 31/12/2022 10:20

I am a tiny bit eccentric and I have some really eccentric friends, nothing on here would even count as eccentric in our little world!

silverclock222 · 31/12/2022 10:20

With friends like you who needs enemies?...

Highdaysandholidays1 · 31/12/2022 10:22

My number one rule for friendship, though, is I don't want to be judged and I don't judge. I can tolerate a lot in friends (as long as they are not plain mean) in terms of lifestyles and choices. Friends are optional though, so I would never hang out with someone I thought was judging me. The last time I was in a judgy group (my NCT group) I left. That's not the spirit of friendship.

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