Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

But it's CALLED Mother and Baby Room.

People were saying they aren't/weren't called that. They were/are. That's my point.

Only ships in the US.

You are really not helping yourself here, none of your examples are relevant to the UK or this case in any way

I know and you're right, it is pretty sad. Posting history shows they have form for it, so can't say I'm surprised.

I'll have to ask my Aussie relatives whether they're familiar with lactation/nursing/mother's rooms...

On the contrary, I've just proven that I was right.

She's not wrong. I'm an older woman and can attest to numerous campaigns for breastfeeding facilities - particularly in department stores like JL. I was very pleased when the JL near me had one as it meant I could leave the house, meet friends and feed the baby when needed.
See the two links I've posted upthread and maybe apologise for dismissing women's lived experiences so readily Tryingformore1?

It doesn't matter where it is! People said it was never called Mothers Room. I proved it is.

It’s not, there is nothing in there about a mother and baby room.

Of course it’s relevant, in the UK they have never been mother and baby rooms, so your entire argument is false, as has been explained to you multiple damn times,

This is bullshit. A parent's room is for parents to take time out with the baby - breast/bottle feed and change. It isn't a single sex space. My DH has been in these with me. If someone else was in there BF he may we'll leave, but so far it hasn't been the case. It's a space for parents. It's not a woman's space. And I am very pro women anti our Rights being trashed

Breast feeding facilities aren’t mother and baby rooms.

This poster is wrong to claim all feeding rooms used to be mothers rooms and were changed, this is simply false, obviously so considering most are new

This - all day long. But apparently those who bottle feed, and especially men, don't deserve somewhere quiet to feed their hungry children 🤔 is it any wonder some women are wary of BF organisations/groups if this is the type of attitude in display? Such aggression towards someone wanting to feed their child!

I agree

and mothercare as far as I remember, though mine were late 90’s

but they were individual stores and not the shopping centre (where i lived at least)

YANBU OP. But you will get the male apologists, the NAMALT, the 'my husband is lovely and not a creep' brigade telling you to be cool with it, cos the menz feels are more important than the womens.

Of course they are - only women give birth and breastfeed. There was an issue back in the day during the campaigns with organisations being rather squeamish about using the words "breastfeeding" on signs on doors, so often mother and baby was used instead.

Then you can find evidence of that, you and @IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 cant seem to find one bit of evidence mother and baby rooms existed in the UK, let alone were common and then taken over by feeding rooms.

feeding and family rooms are relatively new, most are newly installed so to claim that all of them were mother and baby rooms is just laughable, illogical and factually inaccurate

No that’s not what the question was. AIBU man in feeding room where I needed to breastfeed.
Feeding room, not female change, female loos, nor a breastfeeding room. A feeding room, they are not gender specific. That’s what OP AIBU is based on.

Would it have been polite for him to get up and leave/move? Certainly and that’s what I believe myself and @minimarshmallowsmore are saying.

@Tryingformore1 the poster hasn’t said that privacy and dignity are all that feminism means. I am astounded though that your understanding of feminism doesn’t include dignity or privacy? It’s all very well to imagine a world where women can be safe in mixed sec spaces when breastfeeding or undressing. But thousands of years of history across the globe have shown this is not always the case. Do you understand how the campaigns for women’s toilets, etc in Britain shaped women’s ability to participate in professions and public life? I think there is a huge amount of ignorance on this thread - women had to fight for these spaces to be established and now the cool girl brigade want to demolish them because their partners can’t go and wait elsewhere when they are feeding a baby or trying a dress on. I really find it distasteful to be lectured by women who apparently can go nowhere without a man

The first example is about a feeding room. The second example was a women’s changing room

No one is demolishing anything, feeding and family rooms are for men and women, people fought for them too.

If posters on here are to be listened to surely womens toilets shouldn’t be occupied by women, because they were originally male toilets. Or that men should be able to use them because originally all public toilets were for men.

Things change, for the better, fathers are now expected to be equal parents and when our with their children should be able to feed in peace, many FF babies struggle to feed in crowded areas with lots of external stimulation, hence why bottle heating and changing facilities are also in these areas.

These are usually baby rooms not only for feeding but also changing babies etc. Why should a man be excluded from these spaces based on someone else being uncomfortable. DH used them to feed DS a bottle especially at this time of year when cafes are busy. Also why should he pay for a coffee every time DS wants a bottle.

We also used them to feed a tiny baby DS first so that he would nap in the pram whilst we had some food.

As he got older it was so much easier to have DH take DS or the other way whilst one of us put the bag etc away.

Making them woman only is only going to further alienate men being full time dads which is not okay, I would rather we discouraged breast feeding and invested in formula research.

If you are so uncomfortable why don't you express or formula feed instead of asking other families to change to accommodate your insecurities.

I'm all for mixed sex changing rooms saves going out to DH to ask how something looks also imagine how small the line will be for the changing room as no one is ever in the men's.

@Tryingformore1 eh??? Most women’s toilets were not formerly mens. Why do you think that?
Men being equal parents does not equal men being allowed everywhere women are and I particularly in places where they might reasonably require and expect privacy.

Having some family changing rooms is essential, but I don’t think the trend for making every space mixed-sex is a success.

Example 1 - a woman was trying on a dress in a woman’s shop fitting room (the kind with cubicles separated by ill-fitting curtains), while her husband waited outside. The woman called her husband in to ask his opinion. He did, and was promptly told off by another woman who thought he shouldn’t be in there. The man slunk out looking mortified, unable to look anyone in the eye.

Example 2 - DD’s swimming lesson is at the same time as a session in the main pool for adults with learning difficulties. One time, a young man with SEN was running around the mixed-sex changing room naked and giggling, while his carer hissed, “Nigel! Put your shorts back on!”

Example 3 - DD (4) was showering naked in a shower cubicle while I waited outside. Suddenly, she flung open the door to shout something to me. Two men standing next to me looked rather embarrassed. I wrapped DD up in a towel as soon as I could.

They can expect what they like, it’s a bit silly to assume privacy in a space open to parents, not just women.

These are rooms for men and women, parents, to feed and or change their children, going in there expecting privacy and women only is on you.

It should be simple courtesy but other selfish people don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves so in self-policed spaces, it’s always women and girls who lose out.

@Tryingformore1 hope the guys all appreciate your unbending loyalty to them (they won’t!), I can’t engage any more with someone who doesn’t think women are entitled to privacy in a feeding room or a changing room. You imagine what you are saying is forward thinking but it’s actually the direct opposite. You are basically saying don’t leave the house unless you want men to be everywhere. Utterly messed up.