Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

I have literally never seen a lactation room, nursing room or mother's room. Are you going to answer the poster who asked if you are in the UK?

Can you provide a link for that because 'mothers room' is pretty difficult to google. It shows me stuff about pumping rooms in America and also nursery decor ideas.

So not in shopping centres which is the theme of this thread, also seems not so much in the UK...

No they’re not, you haven’t provided one link to support your pretty wild claims on this.

Also international airports aren’t shoooing centres, which is what the OP is referring to.

Are you going to answer PP who asked if you were American? As lactation room certainly sounds American

They have been removed/renamed! That's why there aren't any current examples though I am googling for proof. I just asked my (72 year old) mother and she said they were called mothers rooms decades back. I'll see what more I can find from her, but they were definitely called mothers rooms.

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 they would still show up on a Google search!

Mothers rooms indeed are a thing in the US, just asked my mother who said she never heard of them and asked if I meant baby change facilities!

Yes, they are. Whether it is shopping centres or not, the fact is they've been renamed to parents rooms. Many international airports still use mothers rooms as an internationally recognised term.

I'm not American, I'm Australian.

You’ve both completely missed the point. Which is why can some men not piss off and stay out of places where women are exposed or undressing. It’s not simply an etiquette question and to be honest it’s wildly obtuse to try and pretend it is

Here is an example of a sign. Also in braile to help the vision impaired. www.adasigndepot.com/products/mothers-only-child-nursing-sign

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 so are you referring to Australia. In which case yes you may well have them/your mother had them but I cannot find mention of it as a UK thing

An example in the UK: www.exeter.ac.uk/staff/employment/parents/return/nursing/

That's in dollars so not Uk

For all those woefully ignorant of the history of fighting for women's rights, including the rights of women to breast feed away from the male gaze, here's just a couple of articles from 2005 & 2012. I'm not sure how many of the campaigns from the 1980s 90s can be found online but many women on here remember them :
:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1082014-Why-does-John-Lewis-have-a-Bottle-Feeding-area - 2010

www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/health/breast-is-best-1571193 - 2005

That's not a shopping centre which is what is being discussed here

Did you note that these rooms are also used as first aid rooms? Not sure you're really helping yourself tbh.

Another UK example (though about airports) "So we asked 28 UK and Irish airports via Twitter:
“Do you have dedicated mother and baby rooms for nursing mums?”
The results, needless to say, were very interesting. Below, you’ll find the 2015 results compared to the same experiment carried out in May 2021 to see if there were any changes or developments in the answers."
www.airport-parking-shop.co.uk/blog/breasts-will-travel-less-40-airports-confirm-breastfeeding-facilities/

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/continuing-to-breastfeed-when-you-return-to-work/

Re Mother and Baby Room

Renaming wouldn’t erase them from the internet or memories of women around the country?

Ive just asked my mother who has also never heard of them, they weren’t mothers rooms when my first was born 12 years ago either.

How long have you been living in the UK? As surely you can understand experience in a different continent will be why you’re wrong here?

When you return to work being the key part here.

Maybe you can take a step back and accept you’re wrong here

It doesn't matter whether it's a shopping centre, a train station, a post office or an aquarium. It's about mothers having a private space for feeding. Which happens anywhere and everywhere.

Again, you're not helping yourself. The duty on an employer is to provide suitable rest facilities, not a "mother and baby room".

I don’t think @IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 is able to accept they’re wrong on this, quite sad really

greendotsign.com/product/mothers-room-sign/

In the early 90's they were pretty common in the UK. We had 3 in our local shopping center ( small city location) inc M&S and Boots. I used them regularly over a 5 year period and never saw a man in them. then things changed I guess. 😗

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 ok but that's not what is being debated. You said that parent/family rooms were mothers rooms which in the context of what everyone is discussing (shopping centre) this is not the case.

You are quite right that in work places they should provide a nursing room/space but in the article you just shared it does also say this can be a first aid room etc so not a 'mothers' room.

What myself and others were arguing is that shopping centres do not in my experience have 'mothers' rooms and never did. They are family rooms/baby facilities which all genders can use!