DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

[Coffeeandtveasily]

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

Exactly.

They had a text to advise they were running a bit late. Stuff happens.

If you’re a habitual late comer, then fine. Upset is warranted.

If it was 20-30 mins I could understand the frustration more. But as a one off, 10 mins isn’t that big of a deal, especially when you text to advise.

I cant stand habitually late people, it really does show a lack of care or respect.

However....I live in the real world! Sometimes things just happen and it makes you late. I wouldnt have an issue at all with this, you messaged to let them know, you were 12 minutes late and you were in no danger of losing your table. Total over reaction on their part.

Have they never planned to get somewhere at a certain time and then encountered a traffic jam or a tractor driving 15 miles at 5mph with 3 miles of tail backs behind it?! I suspect that they are retired and no real calls on their time and therefore nothing else to think or worry about?

People are late for any number of reasons. I am late because I am never prepared and will always forget something and have to turn back. It's not intentional and people know that is what I am like.

If it were 30 minutes late they would have a point. 12 minutes? Nothing offensive there IMO. Also if you text them then its not like you weren't bearing them in mind. I had a colleague some years ago that turned up to a work "do" 50 MINUTES late and didn't bat an eyelid!

You could politely remind them that if they want you to be on time they are more than welcome to pick you up. If not they will have to tolerate the fact sometimes life gets in the way.

Alternatively just tell them that if they continue that you will have to think about opting out in the future until such a time they can be adult about it.

Did you actually apologise at any point?

They did overreact, but it also looks like you didn’t apologise for being late, which may have been all they needed?

12 minutes is nothing, especially as you had warned them you would be a bit late. I think a lot of people on here are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I think it's a real shame that you had been looking forward to this after being ill, and that is the way your parents behaved. My parents weren't perfect but I can't imagine them making such a fuss over something so trivial.

I wonder if perhaps they'd had a row while they were waiting, over something quite unrelated?

I don’t see the problem with being 12 minutes late and messaging, life doesn’t always go to plan does it. The parents totally overreacted.

I think if you aren’t regularly late then it’s ok. I don’t like lateness so it would annoy me if you regularly showed up late with the attitude of ‘it’s okay to be a little late.’

Yes.

That's what I thought.

Today, DD and I walked into town for coffee. We walked past a car accident that had clearly just happened (we didn't stop because plenty of people were helping already and I didn't want to rubberneck).

But cars were being delayed as the road was blocked. So people would likely be late for things due to circumstances out of their control. Life happens, and sometimes shit happens.

Your parents need to relax.

This thread is on fbk like a few others

Sounds like an overreaction on their part although I have to say, I hate lateness. My stepdaughter is always late to everything and doesn't have the reason of getting young children ready and out the door - her youngest is 16 now. I always tell her to meet us/arrive at least half an hour earlier than necessary!

12 mins!!! people need to be less uptight , that’s nothing . Your parents were very rude.

Some people really care about punctuality. When I'm due somewhere and know the people we're meeting feel like this I'll plan to get there early so we're definitely on time to meet them. It's important for things like theatre tickets too. Fifteen minutes is quite late, even if was your parents.

How do those of you who find it rude, selfish etc. to be 12 minutes late always manage to be exactly on time? Not 10-15 minutes early, but arrive at your destination at precisely the arranged time, because you are obviously so superior that you manage to always time it so that you arrive at exactly the arranged time, whatever the circumstances.

I mean, do you manage to be at your place of work on time? Do you manage to get your children to school on time? Do you arrive at doctor’s appointments on time? If you manage those then you already know how others manage to attend other appointments and arrangements on time. They use the same skill set that you use to arrive to important things on time, but they simply treat every arrangement they make with other people as important.

12 minutes late isn't hugely late in these circumstances particularly when you messaged to say.
It's not like it was a wedding or a funeral.
I think your parents overreacted and
a restaurant would keep a table for 12 minutes before letting it go.

Yes I think this. And then they act like you’re late even if you’re on time. Or they turn up at your house when you’ve not finished hoovering.

I mean, do you manage to be at your place of work on time? Do you manage to get your children to school on time? Do you arrive at doctor’s appointments on time? If you manage those then you already know how others manage to attend other appointments and arrangements on time. They use the same skill set that you use to arrive to important things on time, but they simply treat every arrangement they make with other people as important.

Most of these rely on you deliberately being early, in order to ensure you are there ahead of time and often involve hanging around until the designated time. What's the point of agreeing to meet at 12 if you both have to aim to arrive at 11.45, just in case of traffic or whatever?
Meeting family or friends is not the same as a professional appointment. In any case, how often do we arrive early for hospital appointments etc. and still are kept waiting after the specified time - do you get arsey with the person you have the appointment with, or accept that sometimes circumstances mean people are running a bit late?

I come to the work and start working, they pay me for the work I do, not for starting at a very specific time.

My arrival time at school fluctuated around the correct time, sometimes I was slightly late.

Doctor appointments are very rare and I was aiming for ridiculously early , but after my dentist came late several times, I got more relaxed.

I don't expect my friends to start ridiculously early just to be sure they can't possibly be late. It doesn't make any sense and would lead to lots of waiting.
When meeting at someone's home we often agree on "will come between X-Y", or "not earlier than X" and "will confirm more precise time when we are on our way".
In case of restaurant coming early is just a martyrdom, as the table doesn't have to be free before the reservation time and the restaurant will keep the reservation for about half an hour after the agreed time.

Sounds like they were just pissed off at having to be alone together. Not your problem OP. You were late, you messaged. It’s not a big deal.

OP, I'm not sure how old your parents are, but if this behavior is out of the ordinary for them, I would start paying very close attention and asking some careful questions. This sounds to me like early onset dementia or senility and, unfortunately, could indicate they may soon need help in other areas of their life.

This - the grown-up reaction.

Literally this 😂😂 so true

10 - 15 minutes late when you have kids is inevitable sometimes!! You were totally not unreasonable!!!
Don’t sweat it! It’s their problem….