DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

[Coffeeandtveasily]

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

You messaged them. It’s not for work or travel but for an informal family meal. This is what starters are for and of course I’m sure you would have offered to have paid for this. You were on your way so they should have accepted the lateness of just 12minutes and even more.

It is impossible to be on places exactly on time (without standing behind the corner with eyes on the clock), so people are generally a lot earlier, a bit earlier, a bit later or a lot later.
It is rude to turn at someone's house early, it is rude to let someone stand and wait in a rain, but meeting at the restaurant should be a non issue.

Afaik restaurants generally give some 20-30 minutes leave before cancelling the reservation.

Some people are very annoying, turning a lot earlier and spending all the extra time nurturing their moral high horse, so they could stare down on people coming within a few minutes from the actually agreed time .

No, you wouldn’t.

There is more to it...

Even most busy restaurants will keep your table for 10-15 mins so seems a huge over reaction, especially as you had children to get organised as well. Unless you make a habit of it , not excusing their reaction , but perhaps worth when things calm down seeing why they were so upset - perhaps they were anxious because there had been an accident locally / heard sirens etc??

It’s only after 15 minutes I’d start to get a bit cheesed of and I’d only be properly pissed off if it exceeded 30 minutes.

I hate lateness but 10-12 minutes is neither here nor there in the circumstances.

I agree! I used to be an early bird, but since I had my daughter I struggle sometimes, kids are unpredictable. I wouldn't be fussed by 10/15 minutes l, especially in a restaurant, I'd have just grabbed a drink from the bar.

They massively overreacted. 12 mins late when you have children is nothing! They owe you an apology for their rudeness.

I think they were unreasonable in those circumstances, but you were unreasonable to get so angry.

@Coffeeandtveasily not sure if anyone has told you but the tabloids have picked this up

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/mums-parents-passive-aggressive-after-2884180

This.

I am paranoid about being late for anything - always plan everything, add in all possible scenarios for delays then add a bit more on for things I've not thought about. Always make sure I have something to read with me, as often I'm sitting in the car for ages having got somewhere very early.

But even I've been late. Major train issues, with the line closed with no notice. Accidents on the motorway. The time somebody knocked into me & spilled coffee all down the front of my cream coloured blouse so I had to dive into M&S & buy a new one before my interview.

My DSis is however almost always late. She knows about planning & contingency but it never seems to work for her and she gets really embarrassed about it. Nothing to do with disrespect on her part, she just has a mental block about leaving on time which she would much rather not have.

In this case, 12 minutes is absolutely nothing and the OP's parents were out of order for making such an issue of it. It certainly wouldn't concern me somebody being that late, and for all the ageist posters here I'm one of those dreadful Boomers (early 60's) and my DSis older than me so age has nothing whatsoever to do with it. Intolerance on the part of those who seem to think somebody being late is all about THEM rather than the person being late having had a problem.

I'm normally obsessively on time but 12 or 15 minutes, especially if someone lets me know they're late and there's kids involved wouldn't really make me angry.
Surprised about people who think 12 minutes is awfully late. Even busy restaurants usually have a 15 minute period before they release the booked table to the pool and the parents were already there. Stuff and life happens.

OP, 12 minutes not a biggie really. I wouldn't let it worry you🙂

It’s a generational thing. Our friends were 30 minutes late for lunch a couple of days ago. They’d been ill. (It was their first day out of the house after Covid.) We had drinks and nibbles whilst we waited. The Restaurant was 2/3 empty. They were fine with it. No big deal. But I know our parents would have been fuuurious!!

Only read page 1 but I'm so surprised at the responses!

It's 10 mins, and even if it was 15, what's the big deal? Even if I was alone that wouldn't bother me (and OP parents had each other), I just see it as stuff happens. Not as if they weren't messaged.

I get the annoyance if you're sitting there for 45 mins but 10/15? I'm so glad my friends and family are far more chilled out!

It’s easy to get delayed 10 minutes in traffic. Heck, you can waste 10 minutes just looking for a place to park if you’re unlucky. It’s entirely forgivable, especially if those waiting are messages and know you’re going to be late, and totally unreasonable of them to spoil the whole event by their attitude. I don’t understand some people; why ruin the day for everyone over 10 minutes. Read the menu, decide what you’re going to have, play a game of candy crush on your phone—however much a stickler for timekeeping you might be and think right is on your side, it’s worse manners by far to give everyone a shitty day through your bad attitude.

Sometimes it’s really important to be on time, but surely when meeting your own parents for a relaxed lunch and taking into account that you have children, I think they overreacted. Are they usually like this ?

It’s a generational thing.

Oy! I am Officially Old and it used to bother me a lot more when I was young! But that was because there was no way for the latecomer to contact me to say they were running late, or for me to contact them to to see if they were actually coming. Now I'd only be annoyed (or more likely concerned) if someone didn't bother to let me know.

Ten minutes with children to an almost empty family style restaurant AND you'd messaged? Your parents were over reacting, a lot.

Punctuality is the pride of princes. I always set off early. I think lateness is a sign of extreme bad manners, unless there is an exceptional excuse... but farting around and keeping people waiting isn't one of them.

I had this drilled into me as a child. My mother wouldn't tolerate lateness.

I remember once some people were invited for dinner and the guests were late. When they finally arrived she took the cassoulet dish to the door and smashed it on the doorstep, saying, 'there's your dinner!' before slamming the door on them.

My father was furious as they were business associates of his.

We were told it was always better to aim to be 5 minutes early than late. If we went anywhere and arrived early, we'd have to sit in the car until the given time. She was also strict about that.

Exactly. Bloody judgemental people on MN. I'm regularly late as I have a ND child- autistic melt-downs tend not to stick to a schedule. FFS. Luckily I have friends and family who just want to see me no matter when I turn up. My life is hard a lot of the time, people understand: those that don't aren't my friends. You sound like a total arse.

OMG how unbelievably rude of your mother. Was she always a controlling arsehole about everything?

Early people piss me off far more than tardy ones- really fucking inconsiderate.

If it's a one off thing then they massively overreacted.
You kept them informed, you didn't do it on purpose they need to have a word with themselves and get over it.
Great way to spoil a lunch!

My sister was always 30 th 60 minutes late. We started telling her time to meet was 60 minutes before that start of events. And she did not have children to corral.