DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

[Coffeeandtveasily]

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.

My money's still on them having fallen out, possibly over something quite unrelated to the time you arrived!

This. ^ I would much rather somebody turned up turned up 12 minutes late, even if they didn't let me know they were going to be 12 minutes late - rather than 30 to 45 minutes or more early. I'd find that infuriating.

Even with my two adult DC, I ask them to text me when they are on their way to my house. They are both 25 to 35 minutes drive away. So I know roughly within 5 to 10 minutes when they're going to be here.

I actually wouldn't even really mind somebody being 30 to 45 minutes early if they let me know a couple of hours before they got here, that they were going to be there early. But someone just turning up early (more than half hour early) is infuriating.

Anyone getting upset at someone being 12 minutes late needs to get a life.

@I know you said there were lots available but you don't know if there were groups due to arrive.

Surely if tables were reserved they have a sign on them so you would know that.

What? I'd be sympathetic to both scenarios. Sometimes children are awkward - and probably more likely to be do if their parents are anxious about being late.

If my parents had acted like that to me being 12 minutes late I would have turned round and left and gone somewhere else for food!

But the rudeness of being 45 minutes early to somebody’s home is totally irrelevant to the rudeness of being late (and then dismissive) when meeting someone at a restaurant. They are both rude.

Like it isn’t ok to be late just because it’s preferable to showing up almost an hour early to somebody’s home. And it isn’t necessary to be either. You could be on time, or just a few minutes before the agreed time. Most adults can manage to do this.

No adults are on time every time. People are late for a million reasons. You have been late before, and youn know it.

Why are people on here unable to differentiate between someone who is chrnically rudely late, and a normal person who like all normal people are sometimes late, and there is nothing rude about it?

If you are furious for someone for being 12 minutes late, after they have texted you, the issue is yours, not theirs. You have a problem.

100% this. Couldn't agree more. You need to have a word with yourself if you're really angry about someone being 12 minutes late. Utterly pathetic to get upset at a paltry 12 minutes, and even MORE pathetic if they have let you know!!!

I couldn't be arsed to get bothered about this. Some people do like to moan about everything though, no matter how petty and trivial. Makes me wonder how they cope with life to be honest.

Parents are so annoying right.. stressy.

Being 12 minutes late to a restaurant isn't rude though. No one can time their arrival with such precision as to arrive exactly on time and it's awkward to hang around outside with young kids so 10-15 minutes late, especially with a message to let them know, is absolutely fine.

If you consistently make no effort to arrive on time and leave me waiting 30 minutes or more I'd be pissed off (if it happens once or twice with apologies I'd be fine). It would be incredibly stressful to meet up with people who required so much precision in timings they can't sit and wait for 10 minutes in a restaurant if someone's running behind.

Way more important things in life to worry about someone being 12 min late. Don't go next time.

When did I say I’d be ‘furious?’ My very first response on this thread was specifically stating that if it’s anyone off it’s ok, but if it’s regular it’s unacceptable.

My response about being able to be on time was a reply to a poster incredulously asking how anyone manages to be on time to meeting friends and family. I simply said that if you manage to be on time to work and school as most people do, you already possess those skills to be usually on time to meet friends and family.

It is rude. It isn’t some unacceptable crime of the century, but agreeing to meet and then arriving late is rude. Of course, it’s also rude to be visibly furious and OTT about it, but perhaps this is because of op’s attitude of ‘it’s fine to be late.’

It is not rude to be 12 mins late for a family lunch. Making a huge fuss about this kind of delay is however undoubtedly rude.

I can’t get wound up about lateness, stuff happens and they had each other, it’s not like you had left her sitting on her own. Massive overreaction on their part in my opinion!

It's her parents not a job interview

She messaged them

They need to relax

My dsm is like this to an extent

You're actually wrong. Normal people have some leeway built in to arrival times. 10 minutes shouldn't even register in that situation, especially when you've been warned by text.

i hate being late but sometimes it’s unavoidable! I’d always text to say, and I’d expect a message too if someone was running late for me so you did nothing wrong. Your parents need to get a grip!

Are you regularly late? I hate lateness. When its a one off i can overlook it but plenty of people are late every single bloody time.

You're actually wrong. Normal people have some leeway built in to arrival times. 10 minutes shouldn't even register in that situation, especially when you've been warned by text.

I'd say normal people have some leeway built into travel times, eg they allow a bit extra in case traffic etc is bad. I haven't been late for something in about 10 years.

In a country where people think nothing of turning up 20 minutes before the agreed time, arriving 12 minutes late is pushing your luck. Five minutes' grace at the very outside is what you can expect to get away with without winding up the anxious early birds into a fury of impatience and disappointment. Ten minutes or more is catastrophic and may signal an end to the relationship or a simmering hostility that will forever blight relations between you.

If you'd been in a country such as Ireland or France, turning up half an hour after the appointed time would be perfectly welcomed and the social gathering would proceed with all due goodwill and enthusiasm for your delightful company. But this is England.

I think that what happened is a massive overreaction. They sound very selfish and angry. You were not in the wrong and after this I would be limiting contact with them for a while. Just because they are your parents is not an excuse to be this rude.

@MilkyYay if you've never even been 10 minutes late i ten years then you've wasted an enourmous amount of time arriving early. Sometimes there'll be traffic, or the kids will need a long poo just before you leave, or someone will fall over and need a cuddle, the bus is 15 minutes late. I tend to aim for 10 minutes early so am almost always on time but very occassionally if there's a longer delay I'll be a bit late and send a text to let the person know. To never ever be late I'd need to turn up 30-40 minutes early just in case. Added up over time it would mean wasting an enourmous amountof time hanging around outside restaurants with kids just to avoid someone occasionally having to wait a few minutes. It would be madness.

But this small amount? With a lovely meet up place, it was hardly outside on a train station pavement or something. If I were the parents I wouldn’t have even noticed. Restaurants don’t act on this small amount of delay even if all arrived late. Plus OP had to manage children into this. Parents sound as though they aren’t used to eating out.