DH spends whole day off with his mother.

[clantis]

I have name changed as to not to be outed.

My DH only has two days off - Thursday and Saturday.

He spends every single Wednesday night after work and the whole of Thursday with his mother. The pretext is that she's lost her husband and is ill and elderly and that no one else can take care of her on that day.

He has five other brothers.

He comes home at 11pm (or sometimes as late as 1am) on Thursday night. His mother keeps asking him to stay longer or ask him to get shopping for her late in the evening, rather than telling him to go home. My children are married and I would never dream of keeping them late at night with their wives waiting at home for them. At that point of the day I'm shattered and already in bed, and all the noise he makes when he comes in that late frankly disturbs my sleep. I need to be awake at 7am the next morning.

His excuse is that our children are all grown up and therefore he doesn't need to always be at home during the day. One of our kids still lives at home and the other ones live a few minutes away so he says they're company enough. He doesn't understand that I want interaction from someone my age, and that the relationship is completely different.

His other excuse is that he swapped Saturdays for Thursdays for me (Saturday is the only day off we have in common) and that Saturdays are date nights for us. He doesn't understand that one day a week is simply not enough. Especially when he works night shift and I work a 9 to 5.

I tried talking to his mother, who doesn't want to get involved. His brothers and SILs are all taking his side.

AIBU?

You sound worse every time you type a new reply

The more you post, the more I can the attraction of spending time with his mum.

I used to but I want time at home. Plus we don't get along, her conversations are limited to asking how every single family member is doing. It's horrible to say but I would get bored to death every time.

She never helped with the kids when they were younger. She would come visit, sleep all day on the sofa, and complain when she woke up and I had already put the kids to bed.
I asked her to let DH go home earlier once. She told him I told her I didn't want him there.

So, he has 5 brothers, and your mother in law has company 100% of the time. Surely that is in part because he does his part.
YABU

You'll have your husband back once she's died.
In the meantime, let him do what he feels like he needs to do.
YABU

Yabu, you sound like you don’t particularly like her and you resent her for taking up one day of your husband’s time.

why don’t you use that one night to do what you want and find a hobby or see friends/family

The problem, surely, is the conflicting work patterns - he works nights, you work days. Could he change jobs?

My family lives in another part of the UK.

That makes it fairer. However as an elderly lady of a different culture how does she feel about her sons and personal care? Are there carers involved?

Don't be so fucking rude. The OP is not selfish at all. He's her husband and she wants to spend more time with him. I highly doubt she's as cruel as you're making her out to be.

She's not asking for the moon

No carers, only family

Thank you

The OP is massively selfish.

The fact you can't see that makes me think you're cut from the same cloth.

So you choose not to go with him even some of the time.

he is caring for his mother. You seem to think she should be left on her own so you, an independent adult, don’t have to spend a day on your own.

This. Hope nobody treats you the same way if you're ever in that position. Your whinging is laughable if not disgraceful.

Yanbu op, why can't he leave a little earlier on the Thursday and in this way see you both. She could live another two decades!!

He could atleast come home at a decent time.

I get you are resentful OP but on the other side I think you have a husband who is tops. It comes to us all sadly when we are running out of time and need extra support. He sounds great. You just need to go with it as it will be very important to him.

The op doesn't get to see him the other days of the week because of his shift patterns. I think people are not understanding this point

I think this is lovely. I'd be very proud of my DH if he did this. I wish I could do the same for my parents. Surely you can cope without him for 24 hours a week. Your children are grown up.

Is that you OP?

I think your DH sounds lovely ... surely you can fill your spare time with hobbies, interests, friends etc rather than just waiting around for your DH? . I spend quite a bit of time with my elderly DM, I would not be impressed if my DH thought I should be spending more time with him ... he is an adult, he can (& does!) amuse himself.

Well then maybe it is the shifts that are the issue rather than his mother. I think you are being very mean and I can’t believe you spoke to her about it!

I expect there is a lot more to this story than just the current subject matter. I wonder if the OP has had to put up with a lot of abusive behaviour from her MIL. I could be wrong of course