To think that it’s rude to ask to stay at someone’s house and…

[OatMilkLattes]

Not take no for an answer/make it difficult to say no?

I live in a 1 bedroom very open plan flat/studio with my partner. You have to walk through our bedroom to use the loo. It’s a lovely flat, but not designed to have people to stay really. It’s fine when he’s away, I can have friends to stay and it’s a bit more comfortable.

I have a couple of friends who always want to stay with me. I live in a very good location. And of course, if I had an extra bedroom or even just a little more privacy, it perhaps wouldn’t be an issue.

I had to tell a bit of a white lie to a friend yesterday as she was literally insisting she didn’t care about sleeping anywhere in my flat (on the hard floor!). I told her it wouldn’t work because my partner is up at 7am working from home (not a lie). She said that was fine she’d just lay on the sofa whilst he worked?! She made it difficult so I basically had to make up we were ill.

Partner then posts on Instagram of us out and about last night clearly not ill and I get a very shitty text off friend, which I get, I shouldn’t have lied. But if I’d have said ‘sorry we just don’t want you staying, full stop’, it would have also gone down badly!

But AIBU to think that unless someone is asking you to stay with them, you don’t assume it’s fine to stay at other peoples houses? I feel mean but she’s not the only friend like this and it’s really starting to irritate me!

I knew someone who would not take no for an answer or listen to anything other than what she wanted to hear. It’s exhausting.

I think you need to say, you can’t stay, we have no privacy as it’s open plan. I am uncomfortable.

Even if I said ‘I am uncomfortable’ it would be ‘you won’t know I’m here, I’ll creep around’. It does my head in!

YABU, because you just need to actually no. Don't hint, don't make things up, just say NO, you cannot stay, that doesn't work for me.

Nobody can make it difficult for you to say no if you actually properly say no.

“No, that doesn’t work for us just now.”
”Not at the moment.”
”It’s not convenient right now.”

Choose one and repeat. No excuses, no explanation, no white lies.

Then you just keep repeating it like a broken record and change the subject or give them the numbers of local hotels to stay in.

Reply to her text "you kept insisting on coming to stay at mine even when I kept telling you no. I shouldn't have had to lie to you, you should have just accepted it."

You have to go through your bedroom to go to the toilet. What on earth was she planning on doing? And she think your husband is just going to sit next to her working while she sleeps? She clearly has zero boundaries!

Just say ‘no that doesn’t work for us’ and keep saying ‘no’. Sorry you gave this. Mil was trying to insist she’d sleep on our floor to stay on Christmas night. She’s 75 so no DH took her home.

You need to be more firm. And honest. Even though I understand your explanation, you WBU in this particular instance for lying and getting caught out in it.

Why do they want to stay so badly?

I agree, I hate it when people deliberately don’t take hints. We give them because it’s the polite thing to do, instead of saying to someone ‘no, I don’t want you in my flat’ or ‘no, I don’t want to come to your dinner party etc.’ which, whilst the truth, can sound harsh. So we deploy the little social niceties instead to make it more pleasant for everyone. I also see it as rude when others decide not to play along and take the bloody hint.

I would say if you're going to lie then at least fill your partner in so he doesn't ruin it all on social media...

It's ok to "let it go badly".

There isn't room. We don't want houseguests. Everyone keeps wanting to stay. Our place is too small for us to want that. Please stop asking.

You have 2 options. One, be honest and blunt, 'we have an open plan living space so there physically isn't room to have you spend the night and we don't want people sleeping in our living room as we go about our day'. The second is to lie and make sure your partner is aware too.

Yes OP some ppl are stubborn fuckers and just won't take no for an answer.

I have a CF friend that's similar, oh I won't mind, oh I won't care. Yes, well I do. So no. We barely speak anymore to be fair 😂

Thing is I didn’t even hint, I said -

‘sorry won’t work for us, DP is working very early’

She said she’d just stay anyway but be really quiet and sleep in.

I said, again, sorry not going to work because DP has calls.

She said she’ll just lay on the sofa then resting?

I feel like I said no, twice 😐

You must see this she is a shit friend? Why not dump her?

Is this your thread too?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4603578-to-say-no-to-friends-staying-with-us

Yes. To be honest, I think that’s it from her too, she’s pretty peeved I lied, which I get.

How weird - no it’s not!

Some people just have 6 inch thick skin!

Just say 'listen, I love you but we're not doing overnight stays from now on as we're just not set up for it'.

Nothing specific that they can counter with.

I dont think you've done anything wrong, respond and say you told her that because she was being pushy about staying in your one bed flat when you'd already said no. It wasn't an emergency.
For what it's worth, we have a small house, had just had a baby and had family of 4 extra adults wanting to sleep in our spare room and in the living room. We were honest and said no, that doesn't work for us and received the cold shoulder for months. So you get shitty treatment even when honest.

Why is she so desperate to stay with you?.

Because she has no where else to stay in the area - she was coming to see me and a handful of other friends for 2 days. Not sure why she couldn’t stay with the other friends or in a air bnb but this happens every time.

YANBU but you lied and if I was her I’d be reconsidering the friendship.

You should have just said “no sorry you can’t”.

Not made up a lie which is a shitty thing to do.

Think it would be in OP's best interests if Cheeky Fucker DOES reconsider the friendship.