To say no to friends staying with us?

[herice]

Hi all,

I live in a tiny flat with my partner. It’s literally two rooms and a bathroom. So there’s the living room/kitchen/diner , and then our bedroom. The only bathroom is an ensuite off the bedroom.

With two of us it suits us just fine, as we can live in an amazing location and still save a bit of money.

Because we live in a city centre location, friends are often visiting from other towns. We love seeing them, but don’t want then staying the night.

We don’t have a sofa bed, so an air mattress is needed to be blown up. I work from home and my desk is in the living room, so if I want to start work early, I can’t when guests are sleeping.

It feels awkward having guests come through our bedroom when we are sleeping so that they can use the loo. We say to use before bed, but I know that we all wake up for a wee in the night.

God no. They need to get an air bnb or similar. Def no to staying over at yours.

I would say that you are not unreasonable at all. If they're your friends then they should understand when you explain that your flat is too small for guests. Especially with the bathroom situation. Keep a list of locals b&bs handy!!

Not unreasonable at all, just directly tell people that you’d love to see them but there’s no room for them to stay, for the reasons you’ve mentioned above. Tbh it sounds uncomfortable for guests anyway.

Yanbu

I would try to make it work if the only issue was size but the bathroom situation means YANBU

As a guest i wouldn't enjoy it anyway, but as a host absolutely not!

Nah!!

YANBU. Your flat isn’t suitable for overnight guests - it’s not practical for that.

Even if you had a more practical place, you always have a right to say no.

Perfectly fine to say to friends that you don't have space for guests. I wouldn't think someone rude for saying this to me!

No, never. It sounds really stressful.

There’s no way I’d have people stay over. Just say no.

Personally I would be fine with my friends staying but on mumsnet folks hate that even if they live in a huge house, often they don’t even want to answer the door and prefer to advise people on line to act like them.

I think that if you don’t want folks to stay that’s fine, but accept you will likely see them less.

Oh this was me for years, but also you need to be firm; it’s amazing how many people assume they can stay and don’t actually ask! When they say they are thinking of coming to your town for a visit, say -amazing, I have a list of good places to stay if you need them! Hard at first, but also the visitors are on holiday when they come, so if they stay, they are looking for fun, late nights every night, while you’re trying to go to bed as usual on a random Tuesday night

I think ok if it's a night out and someone needs to crash on the sofa, but for a planned stay, you're right, it's not really suitable.

For all the reasons you've stated above, no, I wouldn't want guests staying over either

Even if you had a bigger home with a spare room for guests to sleep in the shared space where you work would make it difficult and you'd be well within your rights to refuse guests.

When they're literally sleeping where you work and they have to come through your bedrooms to have a wee then you'd be mad to let anyone stay!!

Every city is riddled with air bnb's, OP. Maybe collate a list of a few local ones?

I'd just have a list of places to stay close by that I could provide if it comes up. Working from home would be my (legitimate) reason for not being able to accommodate staying guests if the questioned it.

I'm always shocked that people presume friends will "put them up" - unless I am offered/or offering accommodation needs to be booked.

Op can you be clear on what you mean visiting from other towns? Some folks think you mean coming for a holiday and others, like myself think you mean coming for a night out.

for a holiday of course not suitable, but coming for a night out with you or evening with you is different. So maybe you can clarify what you mean as folks are reading it differently.

No, no and no. Don’t even entertain the idea if they push.

YANBU - you just don't have the space. They probably can't picture how small it is.