Guests taking food home

[LakeFlyPie]

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

Absolutely, but none of these hosts seem to be saying anything so how would people find out! I gave a lot of grace to people who did thing i would consider rude but they didnt. My point was that rudeness at an etiquette level shouldn't be considered rude until you know. Families, regional variables, cultural variables, forgetfulness, stress etc all play onto how someone behaves and if that person is close enough to me to be a guest in my home, I would rather start with the belief that they are not trying to be rude or grabby.

So offer it to your guests? They have manners to not assume that they can just take the food. Perhaps say something along the lines of: such delicious food and too much just for us so please do take some with you.
So there is no offense about returning some of food to the guests who brought it.

I agree with you. I usually offer if they'd like to take it home with them as there's only two of us at home now, but I wouldn't dream of being a dish then taking it back! Certainly not half drunk bottles of anything!

Certainly odd behaviour, but nothing surprises me anymore.

For all those that are offended/disgusted/shocked (insert other dramatic words as necessary) why have you not said "please don't take left overs because it's rude"?

How are people expected to know theyve massively offended and insulted their host if they arent told because theyve done what is normal for them?

It just seems a bit odd to be so worked up over something so small and people are willing to exclude family members from Christmas celebrations again because they took back their half bottle of gin instead of leaving it for their host to guzzle down

I'm glad many ppl think this is strange, weird or rude too! My sister did this at Christmas. I thought at the time that I wouldn't dream of doing that in the same situation. She has a reputation in our family for being stingy. Always has been so I doubt she'll change now!

I always make sure I take my containers or plates home. But not the contents, unless the hosts encourage me to take it home.

ok if discussed previously.
rude if not.

fwiw we stayed with family and all leftovers were divided as hosts were leaving for holidays after christmas and didn't want it going to waste.

I’d probably prefer it got taken and used rather than I kept it and wasted it. I hate food waste! So I wouldn’t mind.

That's very sensible! The problem is when guests and hosts have different expectations but don't say anything.

What would make me a bit miffed would be if someone took back their bottle of wine when it was only unopened because I had provided plenty.

If I went to a hired cottage and everyone contributed food, then id take it home with me - the food items I contributed

but as a guest in someones home I take food items as gifts, along with a present for the hosts for hosting. Neither at the end of the stay come home with me.

if I go to my dds and take food to cook whilst Im there I might well bring home ingredients that I know will not be used afterwards

It's as if people have forgotten social mores.

Entirely different if the host offers food to take away.

I alway decant the contents into the host's plates and bring my servingware home

I live in a country where the tradition is if someone brings you food in a dish - you must never give the dish back empty - considered very bad luck. It's a lovely tradition.

@stunningscreamer . Oh, don’t worry, we will . Unfortunately what they bring isn’t chilled. I can always serve them their own warm wine and drink our chilled stuff . 😀

No problem whatsoever. We do it and our friends do it. Also, once my DH made a curry and our friends liked it so much that they took home two Tupperware boxes of it to have for dinner the next night 😋 😝

TBH it depends on family dynamics and logistics.

In my extended family, my parents always "host" in that events are always at their house as it's the biggest and most equipped for hosting, but everyone contributes.

My parents provide some basic spirits and mixers but everyone brings their own bottles of their preferred drinks and if there's stuff left at the end of the night then they take it home as my parents don't need 5 different brands/flavours of gin/vodka/rum knocking around when they only drink wine and beer. Sometimes if my parents house vodka has been drunk and a guests bottle is almost full then they'll say to just keep it for the next party and it will go in the cupboard but if there's only a tiny bit left in a big bottle then my parents would rather they take it home so they don't have it taking up space when they don't drink it because otherwise they'd probably just pour it out and recycle the bottle after the party.

At the end of any meal/buffet etc, once everyone is clearly finished eating and as people start leaving then they will just automatically pack up anything they want to take with them, though everyone is careful to leave something for other people unless they're told "No thanks, you take it we won't eat it"

We don't have discussions about it because it's just how we do things. My mum might send people home with specific things if someone couldn't attend (Eg on Boxing Day we had 20 people round but one of my teen cousin's was working in their retail job so my mum sent my aunt and uncle home with an extra portion of the roast dinner and a little bit of all the desserts that she had specifically set aside for him) or ask people if they want to take specific things home because she knows that her and my dad won't eat them and the other person loves them but otherwise if it's on the buffet or in the fridge and clearly not "everyday food" then it's fair game to be taken by anyone. The only unwritten rule that you don't take someone else's serving dishes, so if there's only one portion left you check with the dish owner whether they want it, and if not then you decant it into Tupperware.

My parents host because they have the biggest house, they don't want to be left with loads of random food after the fact (especially as they're usually catering for at least 15, but usually closer to 30 for family events) nor do they want to be left with everyone elses dishes to wash/return so it's always well known that nobody leaves a party at my parents house empty handed and you always leave with the serving dishes you arrived with.

Without asking? So I bring pudding, it’s not all eaten and I’d just pack it back up and take home? Or only half a bottle of wine drunk, or none of the wine you bought….just take it back. If so that’s refreshing if everyone knows.

Personally I wouldn't do this but I have witnessed it.

One of the most cheeky things I've witnessed was when a couple that were friends of my partner basically invited themselves round to our house for a BBQ last summer about 2 weeks after I had given birth. We waited for them to offer to bring food but nope. We had to organise all the food, sides, drinks, coal etc and cook it while they arrived with a cheap box of ice lollies (and their 3 year old who they said was staying with grandparents and they offered no explanation as to why she was there and she subsequently picked at/wasted a plate piled with food). They then were clearly disappointed at the basic offerings of burgers, sausages and a few simple sides because y'know we had 3 children under 3 including a newborn and were pissed off at having to cater for this event which was their bloody idea.

Then took their ice lollies out the freezer again and home with them!

At Christmas, for us, it makes sense to take some of the food home that one brings. There is so much food and the host can never eat it so it is wasteful to not take what they can't eat. Packaged nuts etc, or wine and unopened food that will keep in the fridge is welcome to be left. At a normal dinner party taking food or wine home would be impolite and I don't see that done.

Surely when you take stuff round it's your contribution to the event that someone else has probably spent significantly more in the planning and hosting? How on earth can it be good form to then take it back?

Is it really about the food and drink, or some type of churlishness?

Wouldn't be inviting guests like that more than once because the gift of giving is clearly not strong within them!

Surely it's your contribution to the gathering as a gift to the host ?
Taking home a half drink bottle and a half eaten cake or whatever is awful unless the host invited you to do so.
Unopened foods the same.
If I was hosting and had lots left I would give guests stuff to take.

If someone brings food or wine to your house for an event you are hosting, my belief is that it then becomes yours to do with as you wish. You can save it, serve it, send it home with someone etc.

My problem is that we have a house close to a popular weekend destination and host friends and relatives a lot for the weekend. They often contribute by bringing food and cooking one night of the weekend (which is lovely). I have to be very vigilant about sending home all their leftovers with them as they dont want to bother with them (not enough for another meal) and especially any condiments they bring. I dont want your dregs of 3 mustards cluttering up my fridge SIL. Yes you can take them home and decide if they are worth saving or binning yourself. I dont want to have to go through my fridge every second weekend to clear out the random odds and sods I have been dumped with because you dont want them either.

I see it the opposite way, although maybe as more of a perk than a gift. When hosting, I have put a considerable amount of effort into cleaning, tidying, pulling all the extra chairs, table, and tablewear out of the loft, cooking, serving and hosting. Once the guests have left, I have to do all the cleaning (again! Even if it is just for a few hours, with 20 people it gets very messy very quickly) and wrestle the hosting stuff back into the loft. Having leftovers to eat, rather than needing to cook something afresh, is very welcome and eases the load.

I always offer leftovers at the end of a party. We couldn’t manage to eat them all. Wouldn’t bother me.

We went to a party where at the end the host had packed up all the leftovers and gave it back to the person that had brought it.

Jane - here's the remainder of your mince pies, Mary here's the rest of your Yule log, Mindy all your gateau went, none for you to take home, Penny here's half a bag of crisps that were left.

I found that rude tbh.